[eggplantlife]

I've been fine for 3 days now. I haven't had suicide thought. Before that I was in a bad state but somehow all the self help stuff I was doing and with the help of my friend I am living with, friends far away from me and friends here, I got through to the other side. This feeling of being free from depression have been one of the most amazing experiences I've had.

This is the second time I'm out of depression. First time was when I was 19. I'm 45 now. These 8 years have been very painful for me. This time was rough as I lost everything I had except for friends. Now, I need to rebuild my life as I really have nothing...no money, in huge debt, and no family to support me through life.

I don't know where to post about this as most of the site is to help people get through their crisis. I don't know if this feeling is going to last long term or it might be I'm bipolar. I hope not and with god's help or whatever caused this miracle that it stays. I would like to know how to handle this feeling. I don't think I know how to handle this feeling of feeling good. There are still many outside experiences that will cause stress while I rebuild my life. Huge part of me don't know how to rebuild it because I am in an unfamiliar place. I posted in where to help set goals to get my life together, but no one answered. I don't want to feel helpless and hopeless again. Is there a site that can help me and I can get support?

There should be some kind of support for people who start to feel better and how to maintain it especially since we haven't had this feeling for a long time or ever. I really feel like this is the first time I really feel good, clear head and body.

I posted here because I feel I accomplish success over my depression though not complete. Please help direct me to the right place.

Thank you.

[Altered Moment]

I am so glad to here to are doing so good. Two months ago I came out of a long deep depression. Like 7 months long. I cycle in and out so I do some good times. The last five years it has been getting worse and worse and has totally ruined my life. No income, debt, living with parents at 50, and so on. Then my new meds started working like a champ. I feel good but like I came out of a war zone. I start feeling guilty that my life should be put all back together in two days. Then I minimize the hell I have just been through like it didn't even happen.

I say take it slow. For me the confidence is the slowest thing to come back. Take it slow, one brick at a time. Don't try to take on to much and go with it and things will slowly get on track. My advice.

eggplantlife, I'm so happy to hear you're feeling better! Hopefully it's not bipolar or recurring depression (MDD). I wish I had some advice as to how to hold onto your feelings. I've been depressed for so long now (almost 10 months) that I can't imagine what it will be like when it lifts. As zinco said, I would imagine the best way to go about it would be slowly, to build your confidence up. Best wishes!

[regretful]

well done...Glad to read a success story!

[eggplantlife]

Zinco and newgal2,

Thank you for the advice to go slowly. I do feel like I need to get my life right away and that it should fall together as quickly as possible. It's figuring out what to do next seems to have me confused.

[Bigmike727]

Hi, glad to hear that you're feeling better. It helps knowing that people do manage to overcome this condition. Wishing you the best.

[eggplantlife]

I woke up without negative thoughts again. Still feeling good on day 5. But I still wake up trying to figure out what to do. I used to spend a great deal of time dealing with depression and anxiety...feeling it, sleeping through it, mediating and just doing things to deal with the emotions. It was pretty much all my life. Now that I am free, I don't know what to do with myself. I kind of feel like that story about a dog that was in a cage then let out free and didn't know what to do so it went back into its cage.

[Altered Moment]

I kind of feel like that story about a dog that was in a cage then let out free and didn't know what to do so it went back into its cage.

That is a very apt description. 15 of the last 20 months I was in severe depression. Even the five good months I had pretty bad anxiety. It was all consuming and all I thought about. The last two months I have been doing very well on meds but it can be liking pacing the floor back and forth. And then on the other hand I want my whole life put back together right now and feel guilty. Like I will totally minimize everything I have been through the last five years and really the last twenty years like I made it all up in my head. I do have some things going on that are keeping me busy so that helps. Slow and patient I still say, but we do have to start making some steps. Are you working? Do you wanna work? Things have gotten so bad for me in recent years that I applied for SSD so I am kind of in a catch 22. Doing good doesn't help my case, but being depressed 75% of the year doesn't work out to good either.

[eggplantlife]

Originally Posted by zinco14532323

I do have some things going on that are keeping me busy so that helps. Slow and patient I still say, but we do have to start making some steps. Are you working? Do you wanna work? Things have gotten so bad for me in recent years that I applied for SSD so I am kind of in a catch 22. Doing good doesn't help my case, but being depressed 75% of the year doesn't work out to good either.

I have to figure out what I enjoy and do them. I'm taking advice to do them slow. Yes, I want to start enjoying life now and get it together as fast as I can, BUT I can't come up with what. So I'm just taking the advice to take it small and pat myself on the back for small moves.

I am sort of working. I work with the family who took me in, but I'm not getting paid as they are going through rough times. For now, I have a place and food and good company. Since I live with this family, I need to get to a point that I have to be self-reliant and learn to live on my own. So I want to look for part-time job to make money and meet other people. I also want to help out this family, but don't know how.

I am overwhelmed that I live at a place that you need a car to get around. There are much to do with their business but it's overwhelming what to do and learn. I can take a lot of time just learning but my brain still isn't functioning that fast to learn. Also, knowing where to start have cause some problems. I also don't want to burn-out like I did before. So I'm taking that at small dosage. But the rest of what to do with life and how to live life is something I need to figure out or learn how to do again.

I hope you get SSD because it's hard to work when you're 75% down.

[Altered Moment]

I hope you get SSD because it's hard to work when you're 75% down.

Thanks. The hard part is having no idea if I will win the case and having no idea what my depression will do in the future.

You wouldn't think coming out of a depression would be a process of recovery but I guess it is. I always thought of it as just snapping out of it. Of course they used to only last like a month so I could bounce back pretty quick. No that they are lasting 6 or 8 months straight I am in a whole new ball game.

I like the serenity prayer.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Powerful prayer. Just take the God part out if it doesn't suit you and it works the same.

[eggplantlife]

I feel I am still over my depression, but this weekend was bad for me that I realized that I am bored. I didn't know what to do. I started to read about being bored. There was an article that said being bored is a sign of depression. I don't feel that depression I had. I guess most of my time was taken by depression and I was doing what I needed to take care of depression or going through the process of that feeling and that took a lot of time. Now that I don't have it, I am able to see how bored I am or that I have no interest. Sure, I could of done things like clean, watched tv or read but I had no desire for it. I think it might be that I have no purpose in life. The purpose and dreams that I had were taken away from me hence one of the onset of depression.

I tried to bring purpose and dreams back again during the process of healing from depression, but nothing would come to me. So that I don't feel the depression, now I get to feel that void that I didn't create. At one point, I tried to accept my life as it is.

I guess, it is now time for me to figure out what I enjoy. I used to enjoy that I was in the artistic field. I identified myself with that going to art HS and college and then working in the field. I don't identify myself like that anymore.

Also the websites I read talked about having exciting things that you once did and what you are doing now isn't so. That is partly true that I lived in NY before and now, I'm in Texas and I can't do much. I can't go out freely so I guess, I have to figure out what to do that will keep my interested internally if that makes sense.

I really don't want this feeling to lead me towards depression because I can't come up with something to occupy my time on this earth.