In a dark dark place...

I'm sorry for always moaning about the same old stuff. I've been so needy it's disgusting. But I am in such a bad place again. And I don't know what to do. I don't know how long I can keep doing this. I really don't think I can last much longer. I know I'm going to end up doing something, it's just a matter of time. I feel so defeated and hopeless. I'm so tired of this life. I wish there was just a simple switch to shut me down. I'm like a broken toy that can't be fixed, should just be chucked out. There's so much more I could say, but I can't.

Don't worry about talking about how you feel here. If we can't talk here then where can we, I don't think there is a popularity competition going on in this forum for the most positive poster,, if there is its bs. Who would choose to feel like this, to have those thoughts? I don't think so I hope this horrible time passes for you soon

Hi secretwhisper, it's not moaning at all!! What you're feeling matters and it is so good that you feel able to share that with us so as we can try to give you some support. And need that as much as you want/need to, we're here for you.
But "just" because you're in a bad place doesn't mean that you're broken/that this is all there is. You are still there underneath this, and with the right support.............
Now are you getting some of the help/support you need out there?? e.g. from a pdoc, from a T?? sometimes it might not always be that forthcoming but if could push for more support?? I know that really can't be easy considering how you're feeling, but whatever you can do, right?
But if you want to just talk a bit more................you're not alone..............
Alison

** hugs to you **

Seriously, you are, as Frankbtl and others have duly noted, not alone. This is depression, it is real, and it hurts. I am not sure about you, but one of the comforts that I find on these forums is the support and encouragement, particularly when the darkest hours are looming. I agree with Fuzzybear (the name that brings me a smile each time I think it because of that children's rhyme Fuzzy-Wuzzy)...I hope this passes soon.

Hugs to you. Stay strong. You matter. People here care for you. May this feeling pass soon.

Hugs from me too, secretwhisper. I'm not in the brightest of places either. This, too, shall pass. Know you're not alone here.

((((secretwhisper)))) Keep talking to us. We listen and care.

Every day I wonder if this will be the day that I say enough is enough. I convince myself that it is ok to leave, because I can't go on this way. Then I scare myself because I realise it's all I want to do, all I can think about and that I might actually do it. So I come on here and hope you guys will talk some sense into me...

Yes please...take our "sense-talking". Despite mostly complaining daily check-in's, I've also gotten so much from reading replies that people send to each other, and find them to be uplifting and encouraging. I'm not in the brightest of spots either, but through this site, temporary help from medication, some not so-good therapy, some very good pastoral counseling, but most of all from this wonderful gathering of supportive people, I hang on. Keep us posted, please.

I know how you are feeling. I wish I could give you a hug. Hang in there, OK?

Well, I haven't posted for a while, but I read here every day. Yesterday I said to myself all day "just keep going." I have the energy of a slug. I am so tired of it all. I so understand where you are. There are such good folks here.

Hi. I am new here. I read your post and wanted to let you know that I feel like I am living in the dark. I feel all alone and that these feelings are never going to go away. I know you are suffering right now. I am too. I know it feel like the pain will never end.
I just don't want you to think that you are alone in your thinking.

NOLAFELINE

I really do appreciate all your kind words, and I am trying my very hardest to be strong. I just don't know how long I can keep going. I am just falling apart.

I do just want to die

Secret don't apologize for telling us how you feel. I know I've been really needy lately too. Please don't hurt yourself because you are wonderful and special. I know somewhere down the line there is a special plan out there for you. I understand the pain can be enormous and overwhelming. Keep posting to us. We love you. Seek out your best support systems at home. Maybe contact your doc and see if he/she can try you on some new meds. Hang in there. We love you. I'm always willing to listen.

I belive you said something about "contacting someone irl next time".... I belive this is the next time. Do it. We are here with you meanwhile.

I wish I could bring you a moment of clarity...

Haha I like the reference to your name there

You are right, I did say that. But it's 1:35am and everyone is asleep

It's rather the name that reference my goal. :P

But ok....I think you can agree with me that waking someone up is better than hurting yourself right?.. But maybe we can find another solution... I'll pm to not mess up this thread... if it's ok.. (send me a pm "it's ok" if it is)

Well it looks like I'm headed back to hospital. If they find me a bed that is. I just got to keep myself safe until then...sounds so easy right....?

Oh honey,

Please, please don't give in. This is a terrible illness and we have all had those times whe the dark thoughts seem to consume us. I know it is hard for you to believe but it will get better. I'm so glad you are going into the hospital. As someone mentioned, it does not sound as if your meds are working or if they are the right meds.

Think of all the hugs and love and prayers that are going out for you. We love you-you are one of us and we support you completely. You can share your heart with us-write until your fingers go numb-we will listen. And maybe by writing about it, some of it will leave you.

Just hang on for a little while. Know how many people are rooting for you.
And as so many have said, PM me if you need to talk to someone. And please, take care of yourself.

Hi secret whisper(is that the george michael song?)
I can't think of words,but a well timed hug is what i will give you.
Keep on going!

Haha I never thought of the George Michael song nah it's from a band called Secret and Whisper. It just popped into my head when I was signing up

Then don't focus on having to be strong. Just a little moment of hope, even realizing you aren't alone in this depth of despair.

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

Hi secretwhisper, that's really brave of you to be thinking of the hospital. I know you may not want it to get to that, but the most important thing is what's right for you.
So you know hope doesn't have to be gone, if you need the hospital then they may be able to give you the meds and help you need, but I'm sure you can find just a little (?) more hope and strength on here too. And we're hanging with you whether you choose/need the hospital or not.
And whatever's going to work for you e.g. taking things an hour......two hours.......at a time........trying to focus on "better" times ahead, really acknowledging how you're feeling and trying to take control of it, or "just" letting out/sharing how things are........
Either/any way we understand, and we're here for you.
Alison