I just don't know anymore

I'm so overwhelmed, frustrated, and just want to give up. I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this. Everything is bothering me lately, and things are so financially difficult right now. My therapists are right that I've basically been in crisis for the last 6 months. I feel like this depression and anxiety have came out of nowhere, and now I can't get out of it.

My father is moving out here in the next few weeks, and that's a MAJOR trigger for me. I haven't lived in the same state as him since I was 14. He wants to be apart of my life, and thinks we'll have this great relationship. Instead I'm over here panicking and trying to figure out a plan to be safe around him.

My IOP therapists have asked me about SI, and I admitted to a plan that I have in the back of my mind. I worry that the depression is going to suck me down more, and my father coming out here is going to push me over the end to try it.

I know how you feel. Depression and anxiety have totally ripped my life apart in the last two (really five) years. Here I sit though doing much better but can't change the fact of what it has done to my life.

My advice is get lots and lots of support wherever you can get it and you will get through it.

Well, I guess I'm not a good person to be offering advice with regard to the subject of family relations. I don't have any extended family any longer. My parents are both deceased; & I had as little to do with them as I could when they were alive. So take what I say with the proverbial grain of salt. But my perspective is that you don't owe your father anything; or at least you owe yourself first. It sounds to me that you're in a pretty dim place right now. You owe it to yourself to take care of yourself first & foremost. If your father wants to move to the state you live in, that's up to him. But I would encourage you not to let him take over your life.

If he wants to be part of your life, & you either want him to, or feel like you can't refuse, perhaps one way to get started is to arrange for some daughter / father counseling sessions. If your father is that interested in re-uniting, he should be willing to pay for some or all of the costs.

In terms of your current depression, I would suggest either getting on some anti-depressants or taking a look at what you're on now. If you begin to feel you are in danger, then perhaps some time in the hospital should be considered.

Thank you to the both of you.

I just started Effexor this last week, it's the 3rd medication I've tried since October. I'm hoping this one works. I was admitted to the hospital at the end of last month for self harm and spent a week inpatient.

Right now the only thing that's keeping me motivated to keep going (besides my kids) is the fact that I'm a bridesmaids in my best friend's wedding in a month. Right around the same time my father is moving out here, so I'm trying to focus on that.

That sounds like a plan..focusing on your friend's wedding and the kids, etc..
I hopr you hsve some long talks with your T about setting boundaries with your Dad...if he proves honest and safer to YOU, then maybe after much time they csn br extended. Your primary focud is always you a nd your kiddos...
Many go o d wishes...relax and take care and be gentle with uourself.
-WB

We have definitely been working on setting boundaries with my father the past 3 sessions. My T and group T are trying to be as much support as they can during this time, because they know how hard it's going to be at first.