Need Some Advice, Direction

Hello all, I joined the boards today not in search of sympathy but of some input and direction. I apologize in advance if the post is too long, I'll try to summarize the best I can...

Anyway, for the last 6 months or so I've been gradually feeling more depressed. I think I've figured out why, but nobody I've talked to has really understood from what I could tell. It's very frustrating. Lately I've had a real hard time focusing and just getting through each day. I'm not even sure how I am still able to get anything done. A few nights after work I've just kind of crashed because I felt my mind was shot from racing all day. I seem to have much anxiety as the result of my dilemma, and I'm just not happy. I've had to rely on a masterful level facade in order to appear just fine, but that's getting harder to do and I feel the sadness is starting to bleed through.

Profound loneliness seems to be at the core of my troubles, probably a natural result of living a pretty shrouded life. I go to work for 8-9 hours, come home, and repeat. Not much else. Every now and then I'll go out with a friend of something, but such occasions are rare for me these days. I've never been in a relationship with anyone which, at 25 years old, doesn't make me feel very good about myself either. I'd consider myself a more introverted individual, yet plenty sociable... and never having that sort of special bond doesn't make me feel like much of a person I guess. It's hard not having that vital connection when you're feeling this way too. Something I feel that most people have.

So, I plan to see a counselor soon because I'm just feeling really alone; not sure what to do. I've never been diagnosed with anything, and I am a very healthy person and in great physical condition. However I am seeing myself slip further and further away from the life I'd like to lead. I've felt this way before, but it was easier to accept when I was younger and in more of a transitional time, about 10 years ago. But now, I've just become this sort of lonely guy who feels he's basically getting nowhere. Hoping I can find a way to fix it all, because right now I feel pretty empty.

Can anyone relate, or provide me with some input? Sorry again for the length of the post.

Yeah, I can definitely relate, although I do have other problems, and depression has been something I've struggled with almost all my life. I relate to feeling like you're going nowhere, to feeling alone, and at 27, I've been in only 2 serious relationships - I've been single for about 4 years, I think. So, yeah, ... that's about all I can offer. You've made the right choice in deciding to see a counselor. I think you do need the support. Let us know how it goes.

Oh, and welcome to PC!

When I'm in public I'm always putting on a facade like you are saying and it's tiring. Maybe you could trying a dating website. Nowadays everybody uses them and they are perfect for withdrawn people like us.

Seeing a therapist is really going to help you sort things out - that's the best thing you can do. It's the kind of thing that you might tend to put off and not make the call but I think the best thing you can do is just say ***** it and make the call tomorrow... you've got nothing to lose and everything to gain so don't put it off.

Also I think you will get a lot of good advice and support posting here so stick around and post more. People here are helpful and a lot of them are going through the same kind of thing you are. Take care, man!

I can relate. I dont work everyday (occasionally here and there) and I'm not in school but my days are definitely a routine. I wake up, eat, do chores, run some errands, eat some more, watch some tv, go to sleep and repeat. My days feel the same, like time is passing by and I'm not living. I just feel like I wake up and sleep. I'm 20 years old and I've never been in a relationship. I definitely feel lonely and like I'm not going nowhere. I've had depression, anxiety and social anxiety for quite some time and that's basically why I can't go back to school or get a real job. I also can't make friends because of my social anxiety and I rarely go out and because of that my self esteem is very low so I'm kinda stuck.

You're definitely not alone. I'd love to give you some advice but it seems we're in similar situations. If you're not already, I recommend seeing a therapist and keep posting here it helps a lot. Good luck!

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*like I'm NOT going anywhere.

Lol I wish we could edit our posts on here.

Nevermind.... I just figured out how to fix my error and now I can't delete this. Sorry I'm kinda new to this.

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I can totally relate. I don't why I think everyone else has these super exciting lives, then I get on the forums and I realize, I am not the only one living a groundhog day. Same day, everyday, with different emotions thrown in there. Here is what I am doing - I am seeing a therapist every 2 weeks. I wish I could go every week but I am afraid to ask for more visits. I also keep busy with working on projects that distract me from my empty life. You are 25 and some time to get on track. I am 39 and feel like time is running out. If you figure out this lonely, bored life thing before me, please share your tips! I'll keep you posted on this end. Hang in there, our lives have to improve, right? Right?

Big thanks for all of the input everyone; sorry I couldn't respond sooner. Seems like I'm in good company here...

I'm definitely looking forward to my counseling appointment in a couple of days. Hopefully they can provide me with some support and point me in the best direction. I just feel like I'm living in a big empty box. Like I walk to one end just to walk back, nothing there and nothing changes. I've been thinking about doing some volunteer work or something just so I can connect with people and feel like I'm contributing something. I really want to do the big brother thing too but I've put that on the back-burner for now. I don't feel it would be right to try to help someone else before I fix me, but I don't know that sounds a little selfish. I'm doing a 5K benefit run in a couple of weeks which I'm pretty amped about, probably since it's just something active to do.

As for the online dating thing I made a valiant effort recently but after only meeting a couple of people over the course of several months I had had enough. I'm in good physical shape and not a bad looking guy, and I've got plenty to offer, but I realized that I'm not all that great about advertising myself; I was sort of lacking the resources I needed to be successful. I think it's a great tool, but I think I'm just a little too old fashioned when it comes to meeting people anyway.

So that's pretty much it. Right now I'm alright but I could definitely feel better. I'm on some supplements to help take a bit of the edge off and I work out regularly. Nothing is going to fill that empty I feel though, so I definitely need a change in a big way. I know I can be happy, I just gotta take that first step. Hopefully the counseling is an important first.

Thanks again; I'll post back and update when I can. Best of luck to all of you as well

That's cool that you mention the Big Brothers Big Sisters thing - I always wanted to do that too but I haven't. For me it's mainly because I'm more of a mess with substance abuse and stuff... I think it might be a really positive thing for you though. As long as you're good with kids you don't have to have all of your own stuff figured out. All you really need to do is be willing to engage with them and give them your time and attention.

A friend of mine is a nanny for a family of four and I go and hang out with the kids like once a week. I've been spending time with them for like 4-5 years now and they are like my little cousins or nieces/nephews. Based on your post I can guarantee I am a much bigger emotional wreck than you are (no offense ) and these kids think I am the *greatest* just because I'm willing to bounce a ball around with them, play legos, explain things they don't understand, or whatever - you name it. If I spend 15 minutes picking up heavy rocks with the 7-year-old to look for bugs and explain how potato bugs turn into balls to protect themselves when they're scared she thinks I'm the greatest human alive. All kids want/need is someone that is willing to engage them on their level and it makes a huge difference to them.

I think you should consider doing it if you're willing to put in the time. These kids honestly make a huge positive difference in my life - I was just at a labor day cookout with them today and it really lifts my spirits to spend time with them. All I have to do is be willing to pay attention to them and they give me 10x more back. The 4-year-old (who loves super-heroes) was telling his mom that he wants me to move in with them - he cares about me so much and it's just because I'm willing to spend time pushing him on the swing and playing his imaginary games and will pretend like I'm the hulk fighting "bad guys" with him.

It's really rewarding - I hope you will consider BBBS when you're ready for it because you don't need to have everything in your life figured out to make a huge difference in the life of a child. The kids I'm talking about have all their "needs" taken care of and aren't BBBS candidates, but even though their family has money their family situation is not very stable and I know that I am making a big difference for them by always being there for them week in and week out (as we all know money doesn't equal family stability).

So that's my speech about children and how they can really improve your life while you're improving theirs. I think BBBS is one of the best charities and writing this post is making me want to become a big brother myself even though I already kind of have 3 little sisters and 1 little brother.

So I wanted to post back here with my progress. Things are still quite bleak at the moment but I've been getting help from various sources and I'm hoping my days of suffering are being cut back. Life continues to squeeze the life out of me but I'm not down yet.

Firstly, the counseling sessions are very welcome. I like the therapist i'm seeing even though the meetings seem extremely short when I want to discuss so much. I think I may try to find an additional counseling source because I feel like I need more attention. I've been organizing my feelings and thoughts in a journal as well. Also, a few friends have stepped forward with their support as well, including one I did not expect. So that's great too. I just wish I could spend a bit more time with them.

I'm still on mood supplements but my counselor and doctor do not want me on prescription meds, at least not yet. They feel as if they may actually have an adverse affect on my current condition. I'm still exercising and trying to eat better, but the social part of my life is still very much missing. It's my #1 goal to find something that makes me feel like I want to get out of bed, instead of just feeling like I have to. I missed a day of work this week because I just could not process anything.

So that's pretty much where I'm at, kind of so-so and still very much in a rut, but hopefully I'll get more traction soon. And as for the BBBS thing I would love to do that very much, I just need a little more time to collect myself. I'm very good with kids and I want to make that a priority, but as selfish as it may sound I still need a bit of self-repair before I dive into that.

Any additional thoughts or feedback would be great.