Can't Fix Myself

My fiancé told me today that he isn't sure if he can handle me never being happy or if I'm still going to be unhappy if I'm not at my current job. My current job is high stress and makes my depression bad. I mean what does he expect me to say that even if things are going great I will never have a depressive episode? Because I can't. I manage much better without my current job which I will leave in December. But still I mean it isn't always a thing that causes the depression. I have to always work at it. I'm not perfect I can't fix myself to never be sad or depressed. If I could or there was some magic pill I would but there isn't.

I just want to hide and not talk to anyone. What's wrong with me? I'm trying. I thought I was doing good. Apparently not.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Madness, I have gone through what you have regarding a partner who does not understand your condition. I ended a relationship recently because the guy simply could not grasp my condition, and had no idea how to support me.
My doctor said to me, "You are a perfectly healthy girl who just has a chemical imbalance in your brain. There is nothing "wrong" with you."
All we can do is try, and not give up. You need to have a good talk with your fiance, and find exactly where he stands when it comes to your depressive state. My parents marriage failed because my dad could never understand my mom's bipolar disorder and depression, nor did he know how to support her. People like us need partners who will help and guide us through our dark days, not criticise us when we are feeling at our weakest.

Maybe you should try to explain or ask him do more research about depression, i have bf when the first time we going out he know nothing abot depression but now he understand better, he know i will goin down from time to time and iam glad he just still be there and supportive when iam down. so maybe if he could have more understanding on depression that would help.

I hope you would feel better soon

Hi, I have never been in a relationship, so I can't directly empathize with your situation, but all I can tell you is that there is nothing wrong with you just because you suffer from depression. Just because we battle a condition makes us no different than any other human being out there, if anything it probably makes us stronger considering the struggles we face on a daily basis. No lie, I too wish there was one pill that could magically cure depression, I've even thought about having ECT treatments done in the hopes that that would cure it, but my pdoc said he didn't want to possibly damage my mental capacity. Anyways, I wish you the best and hope things look up soon.

Thanks everyone. It just really hurts. And I tried to talk to him about it but he just shut off and quit talking to me. I'm trying to explain it but it's like I can't get through. I love him so much why can't he listen to me without feeling like I'm attacking him.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

That is very difficult. I lost a two and a half year relationship that was very healthy because she could not handle my depression. She understood it too. She was just not able to deal with it. I couldn't make it go away for her. It is just a fact of my life. It hurt very much.

I had a marriage counselor that talked a lot about "I" statements. Never start a statement to your husband with "You". That will put him on the defensive right away. Say....I feel this way when this happens. I feel in invalidated. I feel judged. I can't help when I go into these episodes. etc etc. Also be assertive in communicating your needs. Sometimes I need to be left alone. Sometimes I just need you to listen and not try to fix me. I need to get professional help because this is real to me. etc etc.

If he gets defensive and angry try not to react by going on the counter offensive. Like.....I know how difficult this is for you and hard to understand but this is how it is for me, and explain how it is. If he would be willing to educate himself on depression that would be very helpful. some times if a doc explains it to him it makes all the difference because it is an impartial third party.

Those methods sound hokey but they work.

I tried what you said Zinco. It didn't work out to well. He was talking fine with me then the next he said I was just trying to pick a fight and that he was done talking about it.

I don't know what else to do anymore.

(((maddnessreturns))) Not sure what to say here. But I will give it a try. I myself know how you feel. I live with major double double depression.
In a relationship both parties have to make it work, it is not one sided. So my question is: When you are depressed how does your fiancé feel? I think I can answer this too. He is most likely asking himself: Why is she so blue? What did I do wrong? How can I maker her feel better? Why does she not want to talk to me? Why does she not cuddle? Why did she not make dinner tonight? Anything out of the ordinary he will blame himself. Or maybe I am just talking out of place.
You can also see the new thread. SAD