Utterly lost...needing to vent...

There was a time in my life, as recently as a year ago, where I was content with life, off of medication, not in therapy, and enjoying every minute of each day. Now, depression is my constant companion. In Sept 2013, due to circumstances in my life at that time, I made the precipitous decision to quit a well-paying job. I thought that because our family has some income from a business that I would be able to take some time and find work that was really appealing to me. In retrospect, leaving that job was the catalyst for the return of this depression. Now, I'm lost...tearful, angry, sad, unmotivated...I'd give anything to have just one day of relief from this depression...thanks for reading...needed to vent.

Glad you decided to share. It does help to vent at times. I understand the depths of depression I don't want to be in again. You didn't ask for advice but you might consider seeing a doctor. Medications are not all bad and might just bring you out of your depressive state. If it weren't for antidepressants I couldn't work or function or even still be alive. Take care of yourself.

regretful.

I am very much in that same boat.... where I currently have a good paying job and I would love to quit and just focus on seeing IF I can get out of my depression.

But I feel it would be unfair to my family to do that... to change from bread-winner to revenue sucker. Feeling lazy and worthless. (which I am not calling you).

My question to you is - - - do you regret your choice?

I absolutely regret my choice...I feel very lazy and worthless, even without being reminded that I am. As for medications, I have been on them and off of them. Mainly, I am off of them because of my intense side-effects reaction to those that I've been on..and it's not the "uncomfortable" side-effects like weight gain (I could handle that)...it's the anxiety, sleeplessness, agitation, etc. on the many AD meds that I've been on. And last time I checked, there's not a medication out there which can undo a rotten decision. Nonetheless, thanks for the support and suggestions...

sorry to hear it. BEST WISHES to you

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time of it, regretful. You know I only want the best for you. I hope things will turn around for your really soon . . .

Mutually shared wish, newgal

Could part of your feeling worthless be because you define yourself and your self worth with your job. I know I used to. Give yourself a break in the sense of taking time to redegine yourself. This world, its commercial system puts pressure on us all to fit into a mold.....if your the round peg st the moment it doesnt mean your worthless, rather you haven't found your round hole yet. (That analagy could have been done better).

Are you trying to justify why your not working full time. ... or given yourself a chance to explore you without working fulltime?

Life is too precious to be depressed and full of regrets...but make sure you don't just do (ie go back fulltime work) what you've always done just cause it's comfortable/ what you know.... it needs to be right and good for you.

All the best.......the grass maybe greener on the other side.....but at least you Don't have to mow it. .......

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Thanks for the reply; I do know that life is too short...world and commercial system, for me equals student loan payments and mortgage payments...not trying to justify; I really just miss the work that I used to do; that's how I function ~ with more to do, my mind works better...just having a ton of regret right now. thanks, everyone, for the support.

(((regretful))) Did you leave your job on bad terms? Can you go back to where you worked?

Kind of burned that bridge fairly badly...I was persona non grata when I was hired there...If only it was that easy; but acquiring a working time machine is easier than that...so I get up every day, face it with what my wife sees as a sad smile, and continue to look for work...I'm really feeling low about all of this today; thanks for the support.