[Christina86]

I can't do this right now. I just CANT. I dont want to hurt anyone but I can't seem to win. Changing my personality isn't working to make it easier for people in real life and I can't FUNCTION. I'm not SUPPOSED to feel this awful. I'm not ALLOWED to feel this upset and guilty and be this worried about my roomate. I CANT cry. I CANT ask for help. I WANT to be OVER this already. I NEED to feel better. I DONT WANT to be alone anymore. I WANT to feel better about myself. I just CANT.

I JUST WANT TO QUIT.



Why do all the stresses have to pile up on top of each other? Why doesn't anyone understand? Why can't I feel better? Why does life suck so bloody much? Why am I so frustrated with this, when I'm not allowed to be mad?

Can't be mad can't be sad can't be myself can't be a good person can't do anything right can't be myself. I don't know who that is.

[lenjan]

(((((((((((Christina))))))))))) I don't have any good words of wisdom, sorry

[Boopers]

Oh Christina,

Hon,

You are too hard on yourself. Please just take it moment by moment. I know this is very hard for you.
I do hope that your roommate gets out of the hospital soon.
Thinking of you and wishing you the best.
Hugs,
Linda

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Christina)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

((christina)) I'm sorry things are so hard of you just now.

[katheryn]

thinking of you hope you find away to show your emotions in the real world, hope your flatmate feels better soon
(((((((((((((((canders7)))))))))))))))

Canders, my friend,

who says you cant do any of those things, or that you arent allowed to be yourself. you ARE allowed. you are allowed to do what you want, feel how you feel, and you dont need to answer to anyone. you have every right to cry, to be upset, as everyone else on this earth.

i know things are hard for you right now, but they will improve, i can promise you that.

stresses pile up because we cant or dont deal with them as and when they occur, therefore making them pile up. they will never just go, we need to work through them.

your roommate will be home soon. try to stay strong for her, imagine what she feels like right now. she needs to know you are there for her. i know you are going through a rocky patch right now, and you have us here for that.

keep telling yourself that you are allowed to cry, to be upset. you are allowed to be yourself, to feel your own feelings. no one can take us away from ourselves.

i am here for you always if you need me ok. we can get through this, i wont let you give up or quit!

simon

[jacq10]

(((((((((((Christina)))))))))))

I wish you wern't so hard on yourself because you are such an amazing person and don't need to keep having all of these negative thoughts

Just know that I do understand, and you are worth so much more than you know. And i'd like to meet whoever said that you can't be upset about your roomate, and who said you can't cry or ask for help because you CAN and you are completely intitled to be feeling how you are. But you don't have to be alone with this. I would hope you know that i'm always here for you if you need to chat .. always, and if that doesn't comfort you then just think about all the people here who love you and care about you too.

I know things are really rough right now .. but i promise they will get better. Be strong, i know you can, you will get through this, and we will all be here with you every step of the way. I'm not leaving.

thinking of you
Jacqueline

[Soidhonia]

Hello Canders. I hope things get better for you soon. It is okay to feel for your room mate. It takes a very good person to want to care for someone else. You do not have to feel alone, you can post here anytime. There are others here that really appreciate your insight and advice. I hope you feel better soon, and if you need help you know that you can call your therapist and Dr if things get too hard to handle by yourself. Take care Soidhonia

[Perna]

Do things feel differently for you at different times of day? I often have more trouble when things are "quiet" like night and am at my best first thing in the morning when the day is new. I noticed it was evening (my time) when you wrote this. Differing perspective don't feel the same to me as different energy levels; I can have energy but my thinking goes haywire sometimes in the dead of afternoon or night when I've worked all morning on my projects and am winding down and there's not as much to "distract" me. I try to remember that at night, that "of course" things look worse to me then, there's nothing I can "do" at that point, no way I can change or affect things that "late."

Sometimes just knowing I'm having a more difficult time than I probably will have in the morning helps me "give up," go to sleep, and wait until morning to work on/worry about things again. I remind myself that it's night/mid-afternoon and not a whole lot is happening for most people (in Latin America they're taking siestas :-) not just me and I can "postpone" whatever is bothering me.

[Christina86]

thanks everyone ... I'm not in a good spot right now, but I'll reply tomorrow with a better answer to how I am.

((((((((((((Everyone))))))))))) Love y'all

[jacq10]

[Christina86]

Thanks ((((((((((Jacq))))))))))))

[Christina86]

Don't want to say anything right now, to put it nicely I'm in an enduced "altered state of conciousness" due to some time spent with friends at a bar tonight. Bah humbug I am NOT very smart. Maybe if I abuse myself enough I'll snap out of this and stop acting like an idiot.

For the record, people are telling me to stop taking my roomate's stay in hospital so personally and to stop worrying and acting emotional. Everything else is the same darn track running in my head telling me the same things over and over again.

To quote my one T - "What's the WORST thing that could happen if you let yourself cry, let yourself feel your pain?" ... That it wouldn't end, that I'd be weak and miserable and wouldn't feel better again - Ever.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( Christina ))))))))))))))

You have infinite potential, as each one of us here has. Not one of us is destined to be anything approaching "weak and miserable for ever"

You're a great person!!

[Christina86]

Thanks (((((((((((((((Fuzzy)))))))))))))))

I caved. I dropped one of my classes this semester, which was either a dumb or smart idea - Dumb because my parents are going to be upset, good because I didn't have a chance of doing well and am suffering enough already.

Still no news about my roomate though.

[jacq10]

((((((((((((((Canders)))))))))))))
Last semester i dropped a class for the exact same reason ... best decision i could have ever made.

[Perna]

If you can't do it, forcing yourself to try uses a lot of energy. Glad you had a class you felt you could drop. There's always next semester. I only take one or two at a time for that reason and have dropped the whole semester before to get a rest :-) You'll catch up and do fine, I'm sure.

You can't cry/hurt forever, I've tried and my T pointed out the body's limit on crying; there's only so many tears and your body does its own thing and is "in charge" rather than your head so, you're safe to cry. Sometimes it's just so nice to let one's body decide things (like with your going out with friends to the bar the other night, crying helps like that only is much better and healthy to boot).

[Christina86]

Thanks ((((((((((((Jacq))))))))))) (((((((((((Perna))))))))))))

[wanting]

Take strenth in the fact that it aint you in hospital,and build from that so you can be a stronger person.

[Christina86]

thanks (((((((((((wanting)))))))))))))))

[spit]

they say we're not allowed to quit, but is soooo hard to keep going

[Christina86]

Yeah it is sometimes.

Welcome to PC spit