help for supporting depressed girlfriend

Hi! My gf and I have a great relationship in many respects but her depression (which I've always known about but has become worse) is a concern between us.

She gets very upset very easily, cries, withdraws; has symptoms including insomnia and not eating, anxiety, feeling hopeless and worthless, indecisive, and has suicidal ideation (which worries me most of all). Now there's a crisis at work which is worsening the chronic illness.

I have gone through depression myself and am sympathetic and try to be supportive however I can. I admit I've gone a bit overboard on suggestions like joining a support group, reaching out to colleagues who could help with work, going out to movies or reading light fiction for distraction, etc. Plus, of course, advising her to see her pdoc and therapist.

She is resistant, tends to minimize the seriousness of it and shrug off potential assistance. She says can manage on her own, etc. With no coping skills beyond exercise. She is on meds but they're not helping much. She is tired of hearing me encourage her to call her doctor or take an Ativan or book time off work, etc. Or try yoga or self-help or a group or anything - anything I suggest gets rejected, which frustrates her and I both. So, okay, I get it, I've stopped giving unwanted advice.

What DO I do then? I feel helpless as I watch her getting worse and worse and can't seem do anything to help her.

I do (continue to) tell her how much and why I love her, with reassurances she's not what her cognitive distortions lead her to believe she is. Also that things change and there's always hope even when it's not in sight. But these words don't seem to have any effect as she spirals further down.

What can I do? Suggestions from people on both sides of this relationship coin would be much appreciated. Thanks.

edit - We don't live together (yet, but we are engaged) and it's a long distance relationship so I can't even give her a real hug until I see her again next month. Not being able to be at her side sucks.

Wow DarkChocolate,

What a great partner you are. Kudos to you for giving her so much support. That is really great.

You have a problem on your hands. If you can't get your gf to go for help, it's really hard. Your hands are tied, so to speak.

Does she have a mother or sister or someone else that she is really close to that she may listen to them?

You have found out that you can't help someone that doesn't want help.What a shame.

I'm sure someone will come along that can give you better advice than me.

I suffer from severe depression so it's hard for me to know what to say.

I wish you and your partner all the best.

Good luck,
Hugs,
Linda

sometimes depression can't be "helped" with suggestions and love. i know that's blunt but it sounds to me as if she needs a new medical evaluation with a psych doc as her meds may not be working.

i'd back off a little bit also. i'm the depressed "one" and am single now but my first husband told me it was in my "head" and the second one got depressed if i did. neither approach helped me one bit.

i'd read up on depression, try to find a support group for myself. a co-dependent group would work for you (i'm not saying you're co-dependent) as you could air your problems and have receptive peers to discuss this with. and post here.

i'd only urge a new evaluation with her doctor OR a NEW one.............xoxoxo pat

Thanks for the kind words. She has no family she's close to who would help.

You're right, she doesn't want to be helped. I guess it's a common situation for people. Just so frustrating. Sigh.

Thanks, good advice. I do have to back off. Just trying to be supportive now without making suggestions.

Pdoc and meds adjustment is in order definitely, I agree. I've been encouraging her to do that all along. I hope she'll change her mind (without me bugging her anymore).