A busy day but nothing socially going on. Just did the housework today and shopping. I didn't get together with my friend today. He invited to his place, but I didn't have the time, plus I'm not crazy about going to his place.

Last night I went to the pool area. There were two women there. One of them I know very well. I see her fairly often. She's alright. I like her but I'm not crazy about her and she's married. The other woman, I have never seen her in the pool area before. The other woman remarked that she has seen me around at the mailboxes. I think I have seen her, too, but not very often. For some reason, I seemed to like the other woman. She has lived at my place longer than I have. She might be close to me in age. But she might be married, I don't know. I liked her (like a crush I guess), but I felt like I may have not made a good impression because the other woman I know was there. So it made me feel like I'm in a "threesome".

Also my brother will be going for exploratory surgery next Monday to see what can be done for him. He has lung cancer and was told he only has a few months to live. He and I never got along greatly all of our lives, including now.

Was feeling suicidal today. Scary. I hate life and I hate myself.

[waterknob1234]

Mixed bag of ups and downs, but mostly ups. My husband and I went to his family's family reunion today. It was 2 hour drive out to the country. Even though I wasn't feeling physically well and was suffering from a migraine I still enjoyed the trip. I enjoyed socializing with the relatives and I enjoyed the peace and quiet of being out in the country, riding past cotton fields and forests. I also feel the depression lifting some and that gives me hope for the first time in 14 months. I feel like I have been in a black hole with the depression for 14 months. I wish I could overcome the migraines, dizziness, nausea, and weakness, but you can't have everything. I fear that if my physical problems don't improve it may interfere with my ability to work. But for some reason today I am not worrying about it all. Next weekend I will visit my son for his birthday.

[aprillynn197]

Miserable and feeling lost

[Espresso]

Today, I went from painfully sad to my usual numbness. I prefer the numbness.

[aprillynn197]

Yea numb is always good

[SeekerOfLife]

Feeling down for no reason. I plan on going for a walk later to get those "feel good" brain chemicals flowing. I also have some house work to do. Now, if I can just not get distracted...

[herethennow]

side effects of the new med is affecting me so much to the point i can't study. i just wanna cry. now i feel more like a failure.

more sui thoughts today. I just am not good at life. Wish I knew where this would all end up. For now, I'm going back to bed even though I'm not one bit tired. Just can't handle it. It's the best I can do.

[SeekerOfLife]

Originally Posted by newgal2

more sui thoughts today. I just am not good at life. Wish I knew where this would all end up. For now, I'm going back to bed even though I'm not one bit tired. Just can't handle it. It's the best I can do.

How about going for a walk. It is hard for me to do but I make myself go and sometimes feel better because of it.

[Rubybaby]

I'm trying to follow my therapists advice regarding stopping the negative thinking. I usually wake up mad at myself, discussed with life. Today I have to get some laundry and stuff done, a little at a time. I can't set very big goals, still just baby steps. I tend to get overwhelmed and shut down and give up. Trying to stop that cycle.

[tigerlily84]

I needed to see this today so I thought I would share:

"Dear Depression, please keep your distance. Don't be nasty. Find some other person with more reason than me to look in the mirror and say: "What a pointless existence." Whether you like it or not, I know how to defeat you. You're wasting your time." - Paulo Coelho, Adultery

[VMblue]

Will things ever get better? My last day of work tomorrow.

[8Green48]

Just feeling down. I have no friends so I'm feeling lonely. Feeling a little anxious about work tomorrow.

[aprillynn197]

I have one friend. I need to make more

It's been an OK and typical weekend for me so far. But it has been disappointing socially and in other things. My friend and I never got together the whole time. We just talked on the phone a couple of times, but it's much better in person. Plus he's not feeling good with a cold. Aprillyne (the last poster just before me) is so right about what she stated. I feel the same way. But it's hard to make friends. I had another friend, who was not as good as the one I have now. But we split up - bitterly.

Also last night, I rented a video from the library. It was called "Fowlty Towers Revisited". I loved that show, but the video didn't turn out the way I thought it would. It was just a documentary and interviews. I didn't expect that. I thought that the video was going to have some episodes. I felt very down before watching it, and then I thought that by watching it, it would cheer me up. Wow, was I wrong!

I just want to go to sleep and not wake up. I've been saying that way too much lately.

[Trauer]

Feeling very morose. Almost non-existent. Waking up in a completely dark room will do that. Been thinking about opening up my heavy drapes for a while. I think letting the sun in will improve my mood, as silly as that sounds.

[TheOriginalMe]

Anxious. Last night I had three dreams, all concerning my surgical procedure tomorrow. The first was that I got up and ate my breakfast as normal, the second was that I slept in and missed the appointment time, the third was I got lost walking round the hospital and I couldn't find the ward. So tonight, I've set my alarm, found the map of the hospital and I must just hope that I don't feed myself at the same time as feeding the dog. I'll put a note on the dog's food bin saying nil by mouth to remind me.

[Nammu]

Mood wise I'm doing fine, but physically is another story. I'm getting tired of getting back aches from any little thing. Yesterday I spent most of the day( until after 6pm) in bed, reading, on the computer etc, but no backaches. Today I got up this am puttered around and my back has been screaming at me. I can't spend the rest of my life in bed and I don't want to go back on pain pills, they affect my mood to much.

[maddnessreturns]

Doing really bad today. Even little tasks feel too big for me. I've spent most of the day in bed. My fiancé finally got me outside for a bit. It isn't helping. I can't even pinpoint what's wrong.

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[Espresso]

I was having a pretty good day, but then for whatever reason, it went downhill drastically.

[aprillynn197]

I hate when that happens

[Jolisse]

Horrible day today and I don't know why.

[nirpoxi]

It's 3:25am. I start back to college this morning. I'm so nervous I can't sleep!

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