[glok]

Ups and Downs .... depression up ... mood down.

[Rose76]

Still doing well.

[SeekerOfLife]

Feeling heavy hearted.

[glok]

Depression is winning.

[dandylin]

I wish I could relate what's going on with me but it would just take too much effort

Sometimes I don't even remember posting threads. It seems I forget stuff I do when my depression peaks.

[regretful]

Well, the misery continues...tried something different this morning...visited with my mom only to learn that my cousin, who is about 8 years older than me, is suffering with cirrhosis and kidney failure...heard some other platitudes from mom, who tries, but nobody can undo this but me. I'm miserable, and I don't see this getting anything but worse...I've never been this miserable for this long...it hurts.

[Hellion]

I am rather annoyed...its like if my moms boyfriend has a little problem the whole house has to have a problem. I mean so he is upstairs in the kitchen I imagine something was out of place or some stupid little thing....that was frusterating so he scream/growls about it so the whole house can hear just in case there is someone else home who can also be effected by the 'catastrophe' that might be something as minor as a can finding its way into the paper recycling or a bag of bread wrapped up with no bread tie.

I guess the best thing to do would be try to ignore it, rather than go up and tell him to knock it off...reacting probably just reinforces the behavior. lol

Did well this morning. Sometimes I think to myself: Maybe I was never depressed? But then I remember last week. Or a couple months ago. And then something strikes me wrong and it comes back.
It just doesn't seem like there's anything worth doing. Why bother going outside? Why bother calling someone? Why bother getting up....

[TheOriginalMe]

A puzzling day in many respects, I'm reserving judgement for a while longer but I think things may be starting to move in terms of my being able to access psychiatric services.

My pre-op physical went well, which considering how I have failed to look after my body for 20 years is astounding.

My hot water burn is pink and sore but it doesn't look like the skin will break, I've got to keep it moisturised.

[breakmystride]

I've been doing well for the past few months, but just recently I've been feeling the crazy sneaking back into my brain. I've been feeling stressed over small things, paranoid, lonely...even though everything's been going pretty well lately.

[tigerlily84]

Went to an appointment with my therapist today. I was so exhausted from being anxious all day yesterday that I was very subdued during the session. My T did show me a breathing exercise so hopefully that will help with the anxiety. I also dropped off the disability paperwork to my doctor's office, and she should have it completed in a couple of days. I am so tired...

[CastlesInTheAir]

Got anxiety meds today i feel soooo much better!

[glok]

Depression 5 Glok 0

[regretful]

At some point, this is supposed to get better...as of this point, it is not and only seems to be deepening. I hate this disease. I wake up in the morning with hope; I pray for strength; but I'm slipping away, slowly, into the abyss...again...

[glok]

Up? Nah. Just down and down and down.

[mulan]

The thing that makes me sad the most is that I am very shy, social anxiety I guess. I just don't like how I am always realizing I can't do this or I can do that because of my social skills. I guess is that. I've been feeling ok this summer break. Ran away from mother's crazyness, and it can make a huge diference to my mental health. When she is around it's always a bad time, unfortunatly, I wish it was different... Got to start study tomorrow for an exam, this will be like a little teste before school starts. I want to teste how clear is my mind and my memory, I wish it to be good, I know it is not perfect how it once was, but at least I want it to be better, I will be happy with some improve.

[Bark]

Cancer won.

I'll be seeing my family tomorrow. This time I knew the person relatively well. And now she's gone.

I'm feeling fine, actually. I think it will really hit tomorrow.

[TheOriginalMe]

Originally Posted by mulan

The thing that makes me sad the most is that I am very shy, social anxiety I guess. I just don't like how I am always realizing I can't do this or I can do that because of my social skills. I guess is that. I've been feeling ok this summer break. Ran away from mother's crazyness, and it can make a huge diference to my mental health. When she is around it's always a bad time, unfortunatly, I wish it was different... Got to start study tomorrow for an exam, this will be like a little teste before school starts. I want to teste how clear is my mind and my memory, I wish it to be good, I know it is not perfect how it once was, but at least I want it to be better, I will be happy with some improve.

Nice to see you back, good luck with your test.

[TheOriginalMe]

Today I feel so ashamed, this feeling has been creeping up and up on me since yesterday and started with a conversation about SI. I know that for the time being at least I can keep myself safe so I was astounded to be told that my level of risk is really high. I felt like I was somehow being dishonest, either in my affirmed intent to keep myself safe or in having admitted to the things I've done to myself in the past. The T that I was talking to said she had no option other than to inform my GP and develop a risk management plan, I respect her decision but somehow I feel that I have caused way too much bother. I saw my GP and he was so kind to me and that has just made me feel even more ashamed.

Lets see. I'm back to playing caretaker again and not liking it much. I think what I did for my mother should have exempted me from any future caretaker duties. And the patient this time is passive-aggressive and pretty self-centered. And my energy level is not picking up and my cat I inherited from my mother continues to deteriorate mentally and physically. I don't like it when people or animals become unrecognizable. And I will not have him put down because I would be doing it only for convenience sake.

[Melodic]

I have entered a never-ending state of sadness, and the one person who says he will always be there for me, is partially making me more depressed because I can't have him. It isn't because he doesn't want to be mine, but it's because I know I can't let myself. I know it is pure torture when the person you love doesn't care about you anymore and has thrown you away, but it's hardly better that despite knowing they care so much, it won't work… Why does my life have to be so sad and complicated? Why does it seem everyone else around me have it so easy? I hope that our friendship is strong enough no matter what happens.

[glok]

Ups have abandoned my consciousness.

[mountainstream]

heart broken

[regretful]

Trying, unsuccessfully so, to remove the focus from my own depression. Overwhelmed to the point of being emotionally numb.