My friend often tries to cheer me up, he tries to be goofy, and often makes silly jokes that crack me up, but it makes me feel miserable inside. I feel like I shouldn't be laughing. It gives him a false impression that I'm getting better because of him. He sometimes tries to drag me out of my hole (my house) and take me places, but sunlight makes me really depressed, and crowds make me anxious. I'm being nice to him, and I'm nice to people, but I want to be left alone at this time.

I appreciate him trying to make me feel better, and it might work for other people, but it doesn't work for me. I'd much rather prefer a somber, serious talk. He's trying to cheer me up but I don't feel like I should be expressing joy on the surface when I don't feel happy inside (I hope somebody gets this).

[gayleggg]

I understand totally. My husband used to do that to me. It took me a while to get through to him he was not helping. Now he just asks if it a bad day and gives me my space. Communication is the key. It may just take him a while to accept he can't change your mood and make you better.

[James511]

I understand that feeling Broken. When I'm really down I just don't even want to be around happy people and be forced to be reciprocal. For me I need to be serious and to be taken seriously. I understand what you're saying, I think. Hope you're feeling better.

Oh thank god, lol. I was beginning to think I was a horrible person for wanting someone who is only trying to cheer me up to stop.

When I was younger, I developed a sense of humor and ability to crack jokes as a 'defense mechanism' of sorts to hide my own depression and make other people laugh, I didn't want other people to feel miserable because of me, back then I was only trying to desperately fit in, but these days, I'm comfortable avoiding people and being reclusive, since I know it's my nature and there's nothing wrong with it.

[Altered Moment]

It doesn't help me either. I had a friend who would always beat on my door to get me to go for coffee and see friends. Usually I wouldn't go. Sometimes I would but it wouldn't help. I just couldn't wait for it to be over so I could crawl back in my hole where I felt safe and comfortable.

Sometimes though when I am climbing out of a deep depression I reach a point where that type of stuff does drag me the rest of the way out.

[Born2Fly71]

I get it. I think lots of people do. Sometimes, I laugh so hard with co-workers or friends, that my kidneys hurt! But, what most people don't understand, is that we slip back down into that hole. I had turned to drugs and alcohol to hide the pain, but after years, it just made everything worse. I managed to quit and stay sober for quite awhile now, but the depression still comes back and I end up down in a hole again. It is something that we can't expect people to understand, but know that we are hurting and we are also here for you. Praying!

Originally Posted by zinco14532323

It doesn't help me either. I had a friend who would always beat on my door to get me to go for coffee and see friends. Usually I wouldn't go. Sometimes I would but it wouldn't help. I just couldn't wait for it to be over so I could crawl back in my hole where I felt safe and comfortable.

Sometimes though when I am climbing out of a deep depression I reach a point where that type of stuff does drag me the rest of the way out.

But it seems like I'm not making a determined effort to get out of my depression, because I'm always gonna be depressed, I don't know. Can't remember the last time I was not depressed

Originally Posted by Born2Fly71

I get it. I think lots of people do. Sometimes, I laugh so hard with co-workers or friends, that my kidneys hurt! But, what most people don't understand, is that we slip back down into that hole. I had turned to drugs and alcohol to hide the pain, but after years, it just made everything worse. I managed to quit and stay sober for quite awhile now, but the depression still comes back and I end up down in a hole again. It is something that we can't expect people to understand, but know that we are hurting and we are also here for you. Praying!

I can't blame other people, they can only judge how we are based on how we present ourselves outside, so if they see me smiling or laughing because of a joke, they think I'm pulling out of my depression, but I feel horrible for laughing when I feel like I shouldn't be.

[littlemiss44]

When people try and make me feel better it just reminds me of how depressed I feel. I feel lost under this dark cloud and I'm envious of people who feel so good.

you have a great and supportive friend there you're lucky.

[Clara22]

I think there is a thin line between feeling a bit badly so an invitation or a joke could be helpful and being really depressed and having those things not helping at all. People who haven't crossed the line yet (or ever) do not get the difference. Somehow, I hold the right to be under depression. I have been dealing with people that wanted to cheer me up or help me in a way I did not want or that it was not really helpful. I had to be strong to enforce my right to privacy, not to be forced to do stuff I was not ready for or agreeable to. I was polite and clear as much as I could. Some people did not like it. They tell they keep pushing you because they love you but they do not listen to you. That is the first thing one should do, if there is real love. But I am not sure love is always the case. I think sometimes people do it more for themselves than for me. They do not want to self-reproach if I do not make it, finally. They have a hard time watching somebody with depression. I do not believe in forced interventions.

Originally Posted by Clara22

I think there is a thin line between feeling a bit badly so an invitation or a joke could be helpful and being really depressed and having those things not helping at all. People who haven't crossed the line yet (or ever) do not get the difference. Somehow, I hold the right to be under depression. I have been dealing with people that wanted to cheer me up or help me in a way I did not want or that it was not really helpful. I had to be strong to enforce my right to privacy, not to be forced to do stuff I was not ready for or agreeable to. I was polite and clear as much as I could. Some people did not like it. They tell they keep pushing you because they love you but they do not listen to you. That is the first thing one should do, if there is real love. But I am not sure love is always the case. I think sometimes people do it more for themselves than for me. They do not want to self-reproach if I do not make it, finally. They have a hard time watching somebody with depression. I do not believe in forced interventions.

Exactly what I feel

[bronzeowl]

In his heart, he truly thinks he's helping. And that's sweet, because it means he's coming from a good place. However, I understand how you feel. When I'm depressed (and really depressed), no amount of joking around or silly antics can help me. I have found that what works best is simply explaining this. People understand, usually, more than you could imagine.

[DogTired]

For the past few months I've gone out with friends or talked with them on the phone and laughed and put on a good front but after I go home, I fall apart and cry for hours. It's exhausting to me to put on that happy face and fake it for hours on end. And I feel guilty for not feeling better after all these wonderful people do everything they know how to do to show me love and support. It's a miserable feeling, being the one who needs to be cheered up when you know you're really not up for it but you let people try anyway.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Let them try to cheer you up but give yourself permission to still feel crappy if you need to. Good friends will support you even if you stay depressed, and will continue to support you by encouraging you in other ways (like taking you to the doctor, just quietly sitting with you and listening to music or watching a movie, bringing you something to eat, tucking you into bed, calling to check up on you, etc.). If you had the stomach flu you wouldn't stop throwing up just because someone cracked a joke, right? So, you need to work through the depression before the jokes have much effect on you. Your friend may not understand at first, but being open about your feelings might make YOU feel better, or at least less bad about pretending to be happy.

Originally Posted by bronzeowl

In his heart, he truly thinks he's helping. And that's sweet, because it means he's coming from a good place. However, I understand how you feel. When I'm depressed (and really depressed), no amount of joking around or silly antics can help me. I have found that what works best is simply explaining this. People understand, usually, more than you could imagine.

His intentions are sweet, yes, and he sees my forced laughs as indication that I'm pulling out of my depression, but it's not really what I want. It makes me feel horrible later.

I've told him this, but he says he will keep trying, and I'm not the kind who says 'no, stop'

Originally Posted by DogTired

For the past few months I've gone out with friends or talked with them on the phone and laughed and put on a good front but after I go home, I fall apart and cry for hours. It's exhausting to me to put on that happy face and fake it for hours on end. And I feel guilty for not feeling better after all these wonderful people do everything they know how to do to show me love and support. It's a miserable feeling, being the one who needs to be cheered up when you know you're really not up for it but you let people try anyway.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Let them try to cheer you up but give yourself permission to still feel crappy if you need to. Good friends will support you even if you stay depressed, and will continue to support you by encouraging you in other ways (like taking you to the doctor, just quietly sitting with you and listening to music or watching a movie, bringing you something to eat, tucking you into bed, calling to check up on you, etc.). If you had the stomach flu you wouldn't stop throwing up just because someone cracked a joke, right? So, you need to work through the depression before the jokes have much effect on you. Your friend may not understand at first, but being open about your feelings might make YOU feel better, or at least less bad about pretending to be happy.

I know, I feel miserable too, other people would probably appreciate such friends trying to help me out, but not me.

[Clara22]

I am sorry I cannot find an article I read before. It is a pity it was in Spanish, though. It is a question a daughter sent to a psychiatrist online. She said her mother is under depression and started to isolate herself. They, the children, are pushing as hard as they can, but the mom isolates herself even more. The mom does not want to go to a doctor or anything like that. Then the psychiatrist online says stop the pushing treatment . It is clear it is not working and even though you love your mom, perhaps it is your anxiety anticipating the guilt you would feel if something bad happens to your mom what is driving you. Many times people with depression need space and time to face their depression. You can still make her feel you are available and check on her often without being pushy.

Originally Posted by Clara22

I am sorry I cannot find an article I read before. It is a pity it was in Spanish, though. It is a question a daughter sent to a psychiatrist online. She said her mother is under depression and started to isolate herself. They, the children, are pushing as hard as they can, but the mom isolates herself even more. The mom does not want to go to a doctor or anything like that. Then the psychiatrist online says stop the pushing treatment . It is clear it is not working and even though you love your mom, perhaps it is your anxiety anticipating the guilt you would feel if something bad happens to your mom what is driving you. Many times people with depression need space and time to face their depression. You can still make her feel you are available and check on her often without being pushy.

Interesting, thanks for sharing, sometimes people try to 'force' you out of depression, and I don't think it works for some people like me.

In a way, even though it's not helping me, I feel better than when nobody cares about me.

[Clara22]

I feel the same sometimes