Ending It

I'm in worse place than you

Don't bother with crisis people unless you really are planning/going to act on suicial thoughts, feelings. And don't go to emergency hospital if you don't want to suffer more distress. I'm feeling in bad place. I can't trust professionals cos had negative experiences.

Idiot17 I'm sending you lots of warm hugs and tell you just like other members here on PC have outline, you are not alone.

At some some point all of us suffer or have suffered from depression & we can relate to you.

Please don't hesitate to PM I will bring you support. There is nothing you need to end, it'll be alright it'll be ok. :-)

I can relate to that feeling, to be honest I can't really think of much reason to keep living much longer...but when I actually think of acting on some plan I try and go to the ER and what not end up in the psych ward till I feel like I can manage a little better for a while longer.....because I don't really want to upset family/friends, but then they are still upset cause 'oh no I'm in the hospital'....so even that's a fail.

Also I hate that it puts me in a position where I could suffer even more distress at the hands of incompetent or sadistic mental health 'professionals' haven't had that yet. No advice really but I know feeling like ending it sucks.

I have felt like ending it and come up with reasons and excuses not to. I tell myself I can't do this to my children, family, etc. I suppose we have to fight to find reasons to want to stay here, to find something worthwhile. Hang in there. PM me anytime you wish.

I've been feeling like ending it too and its been strong recently.

I ponder, does the feelings ever change?

Does the need to find solace in non - existence ever lessen?

Does suicidal ideation ever seize to exist within us?

Are you quite sensitive person like me? Are you feeling stuck in difficult unpleasant place where you are in life and hopeless?hard to see light. Not living truly.

In my experience it does let up for a while, but it seems that feeling always comes back...but then my mental issues are ongoing...

hello I17. i'm a volunteer crisis worker. not a professional, just trained a bit. i answer lifeline calls. so here are some questions we sort of have to ask - are you thinking of suicide? do you have a plan? have you tried previous attempt? did any of your family or friends die by suicide? are you on any medication? do you go to therapy? has your medication changed lately? has something happened that has upset you lately?
of all of those questions - i wonder for you about the last one. you wrote you had a close friend that recently got married and is now on their honeymoon so you can't talk w/ her. - is that why you are so upset? - did you ever tell her that you loved her? which i know might be an assumption. the thing is - i'm sure she still loves you - even now, after she's married. if i'm making the wrong assumption, i'm sorry.
but if there is pain because of that - well, i may be biased of course - but call Lifeline - 1-800-273-TALK (8255) - there are people there just like me who won't call the cops (unless of course it sounds like imminent danger) - and who just listen.
tho we are not suppose to give advice - just a thing - don't make your life so tiny that there are no options. depression is at times debilatating - but there are ways out - and the 1st and foremost way is to talk w/ someone, even tho it may be a stranger - we are all human with the same feelings. please give that option a chance to help you. i wish you well.

Talking to others can be very difficult when in really depressive and anxious state. Finding someone I can trust, who's caring, compassionate, not critical of me, tries to be sensitive/understanding of how I feel is important. Its hard talking to people about mental health issues and getting negative unhelpful responses back. Some people make you feel worse including professionals.
I think its when I'm in really depressive episode that I get intense dark suicidal thoughts and feelings. Most suicidal behaviour and attempts is related to not the the person, but their illness. Its a shame people blame person, saying they are selfish etc.. But they don't get the suffering, and pain and overwhelming feelings thay experience that can reach point of being too unbearable to carry on.

My feelings usually change to the better when I get a hug... even if it's a cyber hug. So I hope it works for you too.. ^^ Hang in there....

((((((((( Idiot17 )))))))))

With Time.

In Time.

Can be lessened. May come and go, if even for a brief nano second.

Typically coincides with environmental factors. Cannot control the uncontrollables, just our own reactions. Even in recovery, life won't always be a bed of roses.
If the depression is taking over your ability, to function, speaking to a doctor, psychiatrist, is a wise decision.

Life can reach tolerable levels. Take it hour to hour, if you must.

Are there any obtainable life goals, you can shift focus to?

No suicidal thoughts and feelings are more often to do with mental illness affecting person a lot rather than the individual actively wanting/intending to end their life. People reach that stage when things are overwhelming, unbearable, too much to cope with and can't see way through.

How are you doing now? Any change as to how you are feeling?

Thanks Smmath,
Yesterday I was starting to get some control over the urges and needs of nonexistence. Today they are back stronger then ever, out of control, out of wack. Guess this is what depression is all about.

did something in particular happen to you earlier today? do not answer if you do not want. sorry if I am being indiscreet

If one is to live their life as a lie, with a mask shielding their true self to the general population than one would rather not want to live at all.

You are right. but that doesn't mean you should die, it means it is time to become your true self.

Don't hide your true self. Be who you want to be. Go for things in life. Challenge yourself. Try new things. Your life is in your hands. You are the creator, the master. Don't let the illness or others prevent you from being yourself and living life well.

Hi Idiot17. I was hoping you are feeling better today. Love and hugs I send your way.

(((((((Idiot17)))))))

Thanks for supporting me when I was in a bad place, now its my turn. There aren't really any words that can change things, I should know. Just hold on.