why weekend

i did think i was doing better last week. i was able to get out one day and do some errands, i had been getting up earlier in the day and a couple of itmes managed to stay out of bed

today and this weekend i just feel worse than ever. i haven't even been able to eat very much. its weird because i think it has to do with it being the weekend. i think i am just conditioned to be depressed over the weekend. i'm not working, i'm home everyday, so one day is no different than the rest so there is no reason the weekend should be any harder for me other than maybe i expect it. for some reason i just feel even more cut off from everyone than i do during the week. like i have to slide through the weekend to get back to the weekday as if i had more friends to contact or more options to pursue than i do any other day.

i had been doing really well getting into a better routine. forcing myself out of bed at a regular time. then i tried next to concentrate on doing something constructive to keep me out of bed. i ended up just not eating until very late int he day. after a few days of that it got so late taht i couldn't get to bed at a regular time, so that screwed up my sleep and i'm back to sleeping late in the morning. and worse i haven't been able to avoid a nap in the afternoon or early evening at all anymore.

i know i accomplished some progress but it doesn't feel like 2 steps forward and one step back, it feels like 2 steps forward and seven steps back.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

Hum dexter. Story of my life. We sound very similar in my mind. I as well do nothing in the week and am generally pretty fine but as soon as the weekend come it all goes to crap and I really get down. Do you have any particular reoccuring times? I have noticed that every sunday night is incredibly bad for me so next week I am going to try and experiement. I am interested in what people will respond to you Dexter I will keep my eyes posted to see if it can help me to.

I know how you feel about the weekends. I have for the longest dreaded the weekends. I understand, as I too do not work through the week. So it seems like everything would be the same on the weekends. I call it "horrible weekend syndrome" because all the things and other stuff that have become my routine and stuff change on the weekends.

For one thing for me the Monday thru Friday TV shows that come on daily and patheticly become part of my life on the weekends. So the soaps and sitcoms I regualarly watch through the week aren't on that messes with me. On Sundays there is no mail. The City I live in has no Public Transportation on the weekends. Seems like all these little things add up for me. Also it sub conciously takes me back to when I wasn't housebound mentally ill, and the weekends back then were a different thing, reminds me of how active I once was, and how much my life has changed.

I hope you get to feeling better, I know it is all a challenge. Try to eat even if you don't feel like it. Sometimes I forget that I haven't eaten all day. With my mood my apetite changes.

Best wishes

Peace~ CHRIS

If you think you have totally gave up, you haven't, because you are here!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Dave}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I'm the same way. You'd think after so many years of one day being like the next, I wouldn't bum out on weekends, but I still do, sometimes. It's a subconscious expectation that weekends are for fun or at the very least, a change in the routine.

Maybe, during the time I was working, Fridays were the time to let your hair down and party. Friday nights were hard for me for a long time. After I got married for the second time, I drove my husband batty because for him, it was the end of a long, hard week and all he wanted was to come home and relax. I wanted to party 'cause I was tired of being at home, taking care of the kids and the animals!

Now I don't get so bad but I still think to myself "Hey! It's Friday! We should go out to dinner, at the very least!' But we don't go unless I pay for it. He claims he hates eating in restaurants. He won't go to the movies with me, either. He's weird I tell you!

You're right. There's more options to pursue during the week but I haven't figured out the wherefores or whys yet. ARGH

<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

thanks septmorn i think you hit the nail on the head. in fact i was just thinking that today on the way home from the pdoc...

its taht the weekday is "for working" and the weekend is "for fun" so now even though i am at a constant level of misery 7 days a week, it is more disappointing on the weekends because subconsciouly i expect more.

So, problem solved!!! . Wait, no, there's no problem solved, but at least a question has been answered.

thanks septmorn

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

for me no specific times. but mostly i think because i've been home so long now (not working in 6 months now) that all the days blur together, and even the nights and days blur together because of my sleep problems.

a few weeks ago i actually lost a whole day. i was up late friday, and then worked around the house the next day but when the day ended it was SUNDAY. It was not like one of those days where you're at work and all day long you keep thinking it is friday when it is really thursday... where you keep forgetting during the day. All day long on Sunday i thought it was saturday. i didn' trealize until i went to watch tv in the evening, usually i don't watch much on saturdays but i sat down to channel surf and found a "special episode" of the simpsons on that "saturday" but then i found two other shows on other channels taht were "airing sunday shows on saturday" and then it freakin' dawned on me that it was sunday not saturday!

The worst part is I know I had to have been up late watching madtv or saturday night live on saturday night, i always do. and that should have been my clue that this day was sunday, but it just seemed to have completely evaporated.

it was a little scary, but only happened the one time.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

kris i could go on for hours about tv and the role it plays in helping and/or worsening my depression.

I don't have that weekend problem though, mostly i have not been watching the typical daytime fare. as my depression grew i found it very difficult to concentrate on any of the drama shows that i love. west wing used to be a "must see" passion and i haven't watched it in over a year. things got so bad that eventually the only thing i could focus on was trading spaces. easy to watch, i really enjoy the show, and also easy to nap through, and i could just wake up at the end and see the "reveal" and be satisfied. and trading spaces is on like 16 hours of the day so it became a "comfort food" on weekdays and weekends.

with mail i haven't even been checking my mail. that used to be a thing, where i would check the box on sunday and then remember. but past few months i have let the mail pile up in the box and only get it when i am up to it, usually at a random point during the week. this is another bad sign of my depression along with my not paying bills. there could very well be a disability check in my mailbox right now but i just don't want to go downstairs and look.

I have been able to concentrate some more on tv. west wing is still out except for last week was the first time i have been able to watch it (that was one of my signs that i thought things might finally be improving for me) but i still rely a lot on tv. the sitcoms on thursday are a staple. i've been able to get into some drama again too and on tuesdays i watch gilmore girls, 24, and judging amy. i really enjoy them and they are sort of the only "anchor" i have in my whole life that i can look forward to, and find some relief on tuesdays because i know if i can make it to the eve i will be ok. 24 is off for a month for american idol (might be back this week) so it has been sketchy this month, don't know what to do with myself between 9 and 10. read? wish i could.

thanks kris and we should compare tv notes sometime.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>