[butterfly76]

Many things happening at once. Having difficulty coping.
What helps you other than exercise or meds? I have no support system.

[Clara22]

Hi
Taking care of my pets. Also, aromatherapy sometimes. Peppermint for concentration lavanda for relaxation

[GoodnightNicolae]

I posed this question a few weeks ago as I didn't really have an outlet for my depression. In the last few weeks I've tried numerous things, nothing really helps me in a long run type setting, however I find myself feeling better when I just try new things. Yeah it's not perfect but I'm hoping I'll find my niche and have that long term satisfaction. I encourage you to type things, even if it's something you never saw yourself doing. ( non-dangerous or harmful, of course. )

[OneInBillions]

Everybody has different ways of coping, but I find that music really works for me. It doesn't even have to be soothing or relaxing music. I listen to a lot of metal, and I think it helps me work out some frustration and gets me through the overwhelming times.

[butterfly76]

Thank you for the replies. I feel like writing all that is bothering me. If anyone has any advice, I would appreciate it.

1. Back with my ex boyfriend after 2 months of being separated. He promised he would try to be a better man-clean up after himself, not smoke more than 1 or 2 cigarettes a day and not go on porno/dating sites. He sometimes cleans up but he is smoking at least a pack a day. Not only does it make me have a headache, it isn't good for him as he has heart problems and bladder cancer. Today, I found in his history on computer from last night- a dating site.
2. Yesterday, he told me that he will not be continuing treatment for cancer. He just wants the doctors to give him pain medicine. I know it is his body, his decision. But I feel that he is being selfish. I was prepared to take care of him while he was going through radiation and chemo. Now, it's like he is giving up without any concern about how his loved ones feel. I wonder sometimes if I had known all about this drama and heartache, if I would have started loving this person. I have been through so much with him.
3. During the time of separation from this boyfriend, I was living with another male friend. I thought at first he liked me. But then I realized he was just using me for sex. Make a long story short, he kicked me out of his house just because I nicely asked him to talk to his son about cleaning up after himself. I found online some disturbing things about how this guy treated his ex wife and how he treats his employees. So I guess it was a good thing, that that relationship is over. I really didn't have any love feelings for him but to be totally honest, I liked his house. I know that sounds bad.
4. I had a car accident on June 19th. I need transportation but I also feel that I need to change some things in my life first. I had a car accident and dui last May. I am trying very hard to not drink wine but I have used it for so long to help me relax or cope with difficult situations. That now it is hard to do something else like exercise or listening to music.
5. I want so badly for my life to change for the better. I am tired of making the same stupid decisions, for keeping people in my life that do not support me, for keeping people in my life that are always drama. I love some of these people very much but I do not think they are good to have around me if I am going to change.
6. Sometimes, my depression kicks into high gear and I ask myself - why try any more? No one appreciates how I help them anyway. But then I just think that maybe this time, it will be enough to be loved and cared about.
7. If this relationship doesn't work out this time, there is only 1 place that I can think of returning. I don't want to but I believe it is my only option. I really wanted to leave that place in my distant past.
8. I am about 20 pounds overweight. I am trying very hard to exercise, eat healthy. Sometimes I do ok, but wish I had a support system. I have no friends in town. My boy friend doesn't care. At first, he would tell me I am beautiful. Now for the last few days, he doesn't even want to touch/hug me.
9. I know my parents and sister love me, but sometimes I wonder if they knew all of my secrets they would still feel the same. It is like that with any friend that gets to know the real me. People say that I am shy (which makes me angry because I try very hard to be friendly) but I am reserved. It is hard for me to put my guard down because every time I have, I have been hurt deeply.
10. It is almost August. I want the end of this year to be better than the first part. I need all the help that I can get from a higher power or something. I know I can't do it all on my own.

I know this is long. Thanks for reading.

[butterfly76]

Does anyone have anything to say to me?

[Clara22]

Hi Butterflay76,
Thanks a lot for sharing your story. There are many components in it. To me, the fact that you are determined to improve your life is a positive thing. Then strength and perseverance are needed to produce the changes you envision. Here people told me to go step by step and not to try to resolve once for all. I think it will work. Perhaps you could try that method, too. I just wanted to tell you one more thing: nobody knows absolutely all about you, even yourself. And, nobody needs to know everything about you, either. You are yours.

[flours]

Hey butterfly76,

your situation sounds very complicated but it seems you already have decided to change it and thought about what you want to change. I think this is a great start!

I don't know if my comments are any helpful. if not please ignore them. just take what may be useful to you.

Originally Posted by butterfly76

3. During the time of separation from this boyfriend, I was living with another male friend.

it seems the men in your life aren't always that helpful for you or are making your situation even more difficult. have you thought about not being with anybody whose problems you have to solve additionally to yours? -I know this may sound mean. but I don't say you should stop all the contact. I'm just talking about getting a little more space so you can concentrate on yourself. first you need to take care of yourself so you can help other people. it doesn't help them if you're miserable.

Originally Posted by butterfly76

7. If this relationship doesn't work out this time, there is only 1 place that I can think of returning. I don't want to but I believe it is my only option. I really wanted to leave that place in my distant past.

could you live somewhere else or on your own? are you sure that this is the only option? -there are always more possibilities if we start researching. I think it could be worth trying or at least bearing the idea in mind and if there is an opportunity coming up you know you want to take it.

Originally Posted by butterfly76

5. I want so badly for my life to change for the better. I am tired of making the same stupid decisions, for keeping people in my life that do not support me, for keeping people in my life that are always drama. I love some of these people very much but I do not think they are good to have around me if I am going to change.

you already know that!

Originally Posted by butterfly76

8. I am about 20 pounds overweight. I am trying very hard to exercise, eat healthy. Sometimes I do ok, but wish I had a support system.

I've been struggling with weight myself at a point in my life. I was successful eventually but trying first it was very hard. I didn't know how to do it. it was always all or nothing and that didn't work out. then I found it works better if I try to keep my habits very constant on an acceptable level. so I would not suffer from doing too much exercise or not eating enough. best is to exactly get as much as you need and not more or less. a support system can be very helpful there, too! first you can try and tell people around you that you try to lose weight and hopefully they will be supportive and not push you to eat bad food when eating together. (dinner invitations have always been a big issue for me!)
but seriously 20 pounds overweight can't make you that ugly!

Originally Posted by butterfly76

9. I know my parents and sister love me, but sometimes I wonder if they knew all of my secrets they would still feel the same.

so there you have some support! yeah, you don't need to tell them all your secrets. but I'm sure they would love you anyway. but you may trigger some discussions that you don't want right now.

Originally Posted by butterfly76

10. It is almost August. I want the end of this year to be better than the first part. I need all the help that I can get from a higher power or something. I know I can't do it all on my own.

you're already on your way there and you're not on your own!

[butterfly76]

Thanks for the replies.
I am almost to the point now where I am wanting to leave this boyfriend for good. I love him very much but there has to be a time where he needs to try to be more healthy in some way for himself. I am tired of trying to help him quit cigarettes, drinking whiskey, walking even a short distance for exercise, going to the heart doctor when he refuses to do so.
Just please keep me in your thoughts and prayers that I will make the right decisions in finding the right car, going to the right place to live, to keep being sober & being healthy emotionally and physically.

[Clara22]

Please, keep us updated! I wish you the best

[butterfly76]

Sometimes, I get so lonely and wish we could hug or kiss like we used to. But then I think about all the bad things he has said or done, and I realize that I need to plan a exit strategy instead of work on a relationship that hasn't been all that good in the first place.

Any ideas or suggestions on how I can cope, make things easier, etc. Please let me know. I need all the advice I can get. Thank you.

[butterfly76]

No one has anything to say?

I was in the mood yesterday to start our relationship over. Long story short, he got drunk, verbally abused me. I asked him this morning, if he had anything to say or an apology. He said, no I told you like it is. I feel so stupid for giving him more chances. He is never going to change.

[healingme4me]

May want to copy and paste, to Relationships and Communication?

There's a plethora of advice to be given, and not everyone is in the Depression Forum.

I'll take a deeper read through, see what I can add. R/C is one area, I spend a lot of PC time, in...

[healingme4me]

Cars are often a struggle, hope you've some decent leads. Are you, at least able to get to and from work?
It's tough to be the sober one, around someone who wants their whiskey. He sounds resigned to letting go, of course, there's no guarantees the end is as soon as the prognosis.
Has he tried ecigs, to compensate for the need for nicotine? It's not something, most choose to quit, just for others, that must have been evident that he smokes, when you became involved? The choice to quit is much more complex than waving health risks, withdrawal or anything. Much more complex. To compare to politics. ..like asking for second amendment rights revoked...seriously complicated. An ecig might meet a quasi compromise if coupled with the real thing.

Making an exit plan, sounds like it involves new living arrangements.

Hope all goes well, whatever your decision. ..