[Nightworld1066]

I am currently seeing a mental health worker from Mind and a CPN, both are really young in their twenties same sort of age as me. But I feel like the services I am getting from them are not helpful, their ideas are have been tried and done before for thousand times and I feel like i am in deeper darker hole. I am also finding that my mental health issues are getting so bad right now I feel like I am gonna do something serious as a way of saying I need help and feel now as if Amy and Lauren are not helping me with stuff and are not reading the signs of distress. I feel like any minute they are gonna why don't you re activate your Facebook you will feel better and they seem assume that fixing one thing means my depression will go away.
I have tried every option known to man; GP, cpn, crisis team, mind and Sams and no one seems to help me. Crisis team seem suggest hospital, I go to hospital and I end up with crisis team on my door.
I call up Amy and Lauren and all I get is distract make yourself feel better and I am like I'm in crisis, I don't give a **** about reading a poxy book or TV programme or some other diversion activity. Even simple tasks take every bit of my concentration and when I am feeling rubbish my concentrate levels hit to 0%

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[Nightworld1066]

I also end that I cannot express my self fully to them they seem to assume that I am just a bit anxious and down and that's all. But I am telling you now that is putting it mildly. I think I am on the extreme end of depression now.
I also can't seem to convey how lifeless, dead and empty I feel like

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[monkeybrains21]

That sounds awful. I'm from US so don't know how things r there where u r but have u looked into online therapists? They might be new and different and be able to be something to try. I've never done it but I've heard of it. I don't know the cost either. But maybe u could check into that since no one where u r seems to know what the hell they're doing.

[SnakeCharmer]

Nightworld, you did express yourself very succinctly when you said this:

I also end that I cannot express my self fully to them they seem to assume that I am just a bit anxious and down and that's all. But I am telling you now that is putting it mildly. I think I am on the extreme end of depression now.
I also can't seem to convey how lifeless, dead and empty I feel like

That short paragraph does convey how very desperately depressed you are feeling right now. If you have had trouble getting that across to Amy and Lauren, it might help them to understand you if you showed them that short paragraph and told them you posted that here at PsychCentral because you were feeling so low and lonely. You did express yourself well. It's to the point and it makes sense. Sometimes the important issues get clouded and confused by a lot of words. That short paragraph is enough to let people know you are hurting.

You will be in my thoughts.

[Nightworld1066]

I know I can express myself well on here and on other websites but I can't express in person like I am too scared to mention what I am feeling.

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Originally Posted by Nightworld1066

People I see are useless

Yes I am............

[Nightworld1066]

You are not useless

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Originally Posted by Nightworld1066

You are not useless

History proves otherwise. but thanks

[GrumpymouthGirl]

Hi Nightworld1066,

As the other user has mentioned, you expressed yourself quite well in print. Have you thought about bringing some printouts from your messages or a journal to your doctor? Just a thought. Be well.

[Nightworld1066]

I had an absolutely pointless meeting with Amy today and it was like being stabbed in the back yet again.
Amy was like you should give up nursing, studying and stuff and just concentrate on getting a job.


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[depressedalaskan]

(((Nightworld1066))) I understand where you are at. I also think that it would be a good idea to print out your posts and let your counselors read them. It really says how you are feeling. I myself have found that if my counselors don't know the truth they can't truly help me. I have been fighting depression for a long time and that seems to work for me. My psychologist tells me that he has learned more about depression from me then any book or other patient that he has ever had. He has been a psychologist for about 40 years and he is very good. I have had many counselors over the years and I have been honest with all of them. These young counselor have to learn too. Depression is something they can not learn from a book. So in a way we are teaching them. Some students learn faster then others. I hope that you get to feeling better soon.

[Nightworld1066]

Amy isn't really a councellor she's just a mental health worker and just offers me advice which I have already heard a thousand times.

I also feel pressurised to get help from people my parents as they always have negative impression of me that I don't try harder enough, that I am wasting time, that my problems are not serious enough for mental health, that people I see haven't done anything. They ask me that daily.

They have a go at me every time I am in a low mood like I am sort of disease, so I don't open up to them and end up just coping with the pain myself.

I tell my cpn all this and she's dismissive as barely says a word, bats an eye lid or helps me. I tell graham and he's heard it a thousand times and I am ruining his life.

I feel so alone in this, I feel so invisible which adds to my depression and makes me feel as of I am not worthy of help.
I feel like giving up right now and ending it as it's so much better than staying alive and putting up with this ********.

I absolutely hate everyone saying think positively it will go away, distract take your mind off **** it goes away, I am fed up of people saying that once I have found a job I will feel 100% better. I wish that was the case. I wish it was simple as black and white.

I can't go on anymore. I am sorry

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[depressedalaskan]

(((Nightworld1066))) I sure wish I could take you away from your depression. Depression is an illness that is understood by no one. People that are in the mental heath field can only try. A lot of the time we will hear the same things over and over again. Because no one has the answers. When I myself get hit with depression really hard, the reminders of what I can do to help myself is welcome. As depression starts to control me it also covers up what I have learned.
Is there anyway you can tell your parents how you truly feel? I myself have never told my parents. I wouldn't go into it heavy but maybe tell them one of your symptoms at a time. I know one way to say how depression effects us. When depression has me it is impossible for me to get the tooth paste to the tooth brush. Depression has me: confused, over whelmed, exhausted, in pain or just down right sick.
We know what you are going through. If you can keep posting here. Try to have a good day.

[Nightworld1066]

I am even considering hospital admission for few days as a way of sorting things out looking into over the coming weeks

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[catastrophic]

Do you want you have to do to keep yourself safe xox if that at is hospital admission do it xox

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[Nightworld1066]

I still haven't gone down the hospital admission route and apologise if I haven't replied in the last month or so been rather busy with stuff. Oh crap what the hell am I gonna do, Essex cares the company that provides my employment advisors are considering closing my case. Because apparently I keep changing my mind whether I want to look for more work or not and they rather confusing me.

Then mental health team wanna close down my case either due to end of the two/three year or just close down cpn. But right now things are changing rapidly as my PTSD is getting worse, I am getting more frustrated/depressed and stressed and I have gone off my meds as they were making me lose all emotions (all good emotions and felt rather flat and nothing on them)

I am also in a extremely anxious state waiting to see if a Uni would accept me or if I am doing OU

I feel like everyone is leaving me an to make matters worse my bf and best friend graham are having regular arguments due to mental health. Someone get me out of ****hole

But I have filled in the therapy for you form and I am waiting to hear from them shortly when it's posted. But I cannot wait another eight to ten weeks or 18 months for therapist to come I just can't. So I will look elsewhere if that happens.


Nightworld1066

[Nightworld1066]

Things are slightly moving up for me thank god, I am seeing a social worker and I am housing list, I am also looking into more jobs (and getting rejections three days later) and I am definitely heading to college this year for art classes (as a hobby) and councelling course as well which hopefully will put me in the right direction. I am still in the application process for uni and next week i will be on the phone to them and if that doesnt go to plan I still have OU.