i thought depression was time limited

No actually things can be very difficult without an individual making it that way or bringing it on them-self. Its not like an individual always gets to decide how difficult something is for them...things can be much more difficult than you make them.

Sure people can make things worse for themselves, life circumstances and other people being jerks can also make things worse for someone...if things get worse for someone that does not mean they made it worse for them-self that is just one possibility but it is quite possible for things to get worse without one somehow making it that way them self.

Also does it occur to you that sometimes things are actually really bad in reality...of course depression makes it hard to see some of the positives, makes it impossible to enjoy anything at times even if there isn't anything particularly bad but yeah thins can actually be really bad its not always faulty perception on the part of the individual feeling like things are bad.

Also yeah there are some external things that have contributed to my depression, so I blame some of that for contributing......and well makes more sense than blaming my depression and mental illness on myself when I am not the one who caused myself to suffer from mental problems.

You say you don't want a heated debate and then continue with the victim blaming phrasing, and don't even address any of the points any other posters have made...just keep telling us things implying its somehow our fault if we're still suffering from depression or arent well on our way to full on recovery.

I am totally for all the things that Creative1onder has espoused over and over in all his posts. Who wouldn't be. All those things would be beneficial to anyone mental illness or not and have been to me. That is not the point I have been trying to make. The point is for me that inspite of implementing all those things over twenty years I still get regular recurrent cyclical severe depression. That is the point.

I will copy and paste something from another discussion below -

I have gone to much therapy and group therapy over the years. Always been 100% honest in therapy and in group.
I learned CBT in therapy and practice it everyday.
Started therapy again with someone who incorporates all the forms, CBT, DBT, and so on.
I practice mindfulness everyday.
Have very consistently meditated over the last twenty years.
Self help books and work books.
Spiritual books and practices.
Long time member of AA and practice its twelve steps and principles. Very similar to therapy with the added spiritual dimension. It is very focused on personal growth, changing thinking and behaviour, and spiritual growth. Have done my fair share of searching and fearless moral inventories and shared it all with someone.
Alanon, ACOA
A good support network.
A good fulfilling career.
Tons of exercise at work.

I am in no way perfect in these things but I have worked very hard at it. They have helped me immensely in daily living and in personal relationships and so on. I am not depressed all the time and it is when I am not depressed that they help. I am totally all for all those practices and they have helped me in general a ton.........

BUT I still get regular recurrent cyclical depression like I always have. it has gotten worse in recent years despite all these things that you would think would help alleviate it. When I am in the middle of a severe depression none of those things work even if I am able to practice them. I can be in the middle of working, getting lots of exercise, and everything is great and the depression will hit me like a ton of bricks out of the blue. It usually has to run its course and it always does. The length of time varies and it always returns. When it hits it is very severe. Suicidal, can't get out of bed, don't shower for weeks, severe.

What am I to do?
Whether that is treatment resistant I do not know. To me it is. It leads me to believe that in my case it is very genetically and biologically ingrained in me. it follows seasonal cycles. Not SAD but three or four times a year that I can set the calender by. There is also a family history that would back this up.

Learn to live with depression, that outlook is terrible in my mind. The thing nowadays is I actually don't feel depressed, well at least not intensely sad, but I don't feel happy either, most of the time I feel empty after many years of ''feeling'' the depression. The only thing that would really show me as depressed is my behavior, if I wasn't coherent people might think I was insane. And I have been through depressions since I was a kid, things got worse over time, and now as an adult things aren't looking to great, if I'm totally honest, if they were giving out a 1000 dollars to people that could show that they had a future with a 5 day time limit to just verbally express why you have future but you had to put a dollar down to enter I would keep my dollar for something else. That seems extreme but it is true.

Have i actualy said that its your fault?? NO. I havent blamed anyone for their issues. You are interpreting what ive said badly. Not my problem.

Im focusing on my own issues, like you have responsibility to create and deal with your own life too in the way you choose.

You implied I still have depression because I haven't addressed the underlying issues that caused it...and repeated that even after I explained I have addressed those things and it does nothing to make the pain and symptoms of depression go away in my case. I hope there are people who find relief in addressing underlying factors and move on from it or whatever...just so happens it hasn't worked for me.

So accusing me of not addressing my underlying issues certainly comes off as putting some of the blame for my mental problems on me...if I am misunderstanding fine, not in the best place mentally and yeah not in a place where 'full recovery and happiness' seem realistic...and no I am not 'choosing' to belive that its how I feel and what life has taught me so far if I am wrong and I finally fully 'recover' great but if not I need to be prepared for that so I don't put all my energy into recovering only to be devastated with disappointment when I don't reach the goal. So it's important I learn to cope with having the issues I have.

Wish you well. I don't need to listen to ppl who think negatively about me or say critical unhelpful things, make false accusations. I don't know what your issues have been/are , if you've tackled them all or not or what's keeping you stuck in depression. That isn't my problem. I have enough of my own issues to deal with.

I have no negative feelings/thoughts towards anyone here...of course my issues are no one else's problem. Just wish people who don't find the recovery model working for them weren't so often met with being told they're giving up and this and never try to do anything to help them-self, when more often than not that is not the case.

But don't think I have anything else for this thread