[A18793715]

I can't take everything anymore.
I can't stand hearing voices. I can't even watch tv or listen to music because I hear them in the background. This is very new. I can't stand being so paranoid. My self harm urges are horrible. The only time I feel any peace is when I think about the world fading and knowing it'll all go away forever. No more hurting. No more noise. No more being scared. Nothing.

Hospitals are pointless. I fake and lie my way out. I even told them last time and I still panicked and lied my way out.

I feel like the world is crushing me and I can't breathe. My anxiety meds aren't enough at this point.

I feel like a joke. Sunday night, I was thinking about giving up. A therapist that I called on Monday finally called me back Sunday night. I thought it was a sign and someone would be able to catch me before I fall. It seemed too good to be true and it was. I wrote him a letter saying all this and more to give to him to ask him what to do because I don't know but I wasn't able to make my appointment and I've been crushed since.

I'm so exhausted. I'm so tired of fighting and trying. I don't know what to do. The only way I can see is death.

[lynda.danhi]

Don't you want to see what happens in your future? Even if you're, say, 50, you got almost half a life left! I know from personal experience that depression can be treated. And I'm 51 and am so happy and married to a great guy and have great friends. I would have never experienced these blessings if a police officer had not cut me down in the nick of time. I BEG you to hang in there and get help. Help doesn't come to you; you have to find it yourself. Start now and never give up.

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[arich62]

I would suggest call a Crisis line for help asap. S_Help Prevention Hotline. If you have schizophrenia I know a guy who's good, with NAMI. They are supposed to listen and let you vent.

[puzzclar]

I've been where you are. It sucks.and the only thing that you can do is just keep finding ways that keep distract from what's going on. I'm not going to pretend that it is easy, because it isn't.There are many questions I could ask, but the one that I am going to ask is this, When things have been this bad before, what have you turned to? I'm not looking for what others did, I'm looking for what you did. If you choose to answer that's fine, if not just know that there are others out there that feel just like you do.

[falsememory7]

A18, I've been there before - and I literally saw no other option other than death. Everything that could possibly go wrong did, and even more. I was depressed, suicidal, and in more pain than I thought possible. But... the key? It's to keep hanging in there. Because even at the bottom of a dark ocean, drowning in your own emotions and negative experiences, there's still a stream of the light - you just have to find it, and hold onto it with all your might. Because I PROMISE, things get better. Your life will be so beautiful - so please please PLEASE don't give up yet.

[lynda.danhi]

Studies prove life gets much, much better for depressives after treatment and therapy. I know this from my own experience. Still feeling like suicide is the way? Call the hotline NOW!!!!!!!

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[lynda.danhi]

SAY SOMETHING A18.....!!!

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[A18793715]

I'm ok. My brain can't think. I've just been laying here crying.

[H3rmit]

I know someone who hears voices, but finds that fish oil supplements help. Also, studying how to de-stress, as stress may trigger episodes of voices/hallucinations. Just something that may help. It does sound frightful.

[Sinking Feeling]

Been there too. So many of us have been there! To be or not to be. For me, I'm afraid of living and I'm afraid of dying because I don't know what happens after death, and it's sooo final. Can't change your mind or take it back once it's done. I've been lucky tho, the main reason I don't give up is because it would devastate my wife and children. I am the sole bread winner. I worry what would happen to them and what kind of emotional scars it would leave my children. I think that is the key. Try to find something worth the effort to keep trying. At least that has worked for me so far.

[Raindropvampire]

I've come to terms that I suck so much I'm worth more dead than alive. My life insurance would let my family pay off bills and have a better life. If I die my car loan pays itself off and then my mom would have a car she doesn't have to share.

But I'm still here. What has worked for me is I believe in an afterlife. I see no reason to trade one craptastic existence for another. I at least know this little slice of hell. What if what comes after is worse? Plus I don't know about you but I just am tired of hurting. I don't want to exist at all. If I still have to exist in some form then what's the point? Might as well stick with what I know even if my family would be financially better off. Who knows one day maybe they will find a cure for this.

[surfacetoair]

A lot of us have been there and it can get better. I resisted meds for a long but finally something worked that wasn't rife with side effects. Then when I went on a mood stabilizer, and life has been okay. Being hospitalized isn't any fun, but it did give me safety for long enough to start meds and get my head together a bit. Hope you get the help you need.

[A18793715]

Meds don't work. I've taken all but a few antipsychotics. Old and new.

I don't believe in an afterlife. So that doesn't stop me.