[Clara22]

One is disabled by depression or another condition. People around that do not have the same condition often make useless remarks, behave in a non favorable way, could be unsupportive or rude not because they do not want to help but because they do not understand our condition. One has the right to set up limits and keep one's privacy. On the other hand, dealing with somebody with depression could be greatly frustrating sometimes. I do not know if my expectations about people around me aren't too high.

[falsememory7]

I had a similar situation, Clara. I was recently seeing a guy that I've known for a couple years, but then realized that I'm emotionally not ready for any kind of relationship. When he kept asking me why, I tried to tell him about depression - but he just didn't understand. He thought it was some kind of choice, and because of his depth of lack of understanding of our "condition", he made useless remarks and made things worst. So no, your STANDARDS aren't too high, but be careful what your expectations are. Because when people fail to meet them, your depression might sink even further. keep hanging in there

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((( Clara ))))))))

[shabur]

I do not know of any way to describe depression. As I tell people who ask, or who challenge me, "It's like explaining a sunset to someone who can't see. You can use so many adjectives, but unless you actually see the sunset you will never truly experience its glory." There are no words to accurately explain what depression feels like. The only thing I can say is the pain is worse than anything I have ever felt.

I struggled with my siblings, they didn't get it. They only saw what it was doing to me and blamed it on my therapist. After a 30 day hospitalization I allowed them to talk with my pdoc. Now they understand what it means to have depression, but hopefully they will never know what it feels like.

Mental health is just beginning to be talked about. It's only because the government mandated it that insurers now need to cover mental health as they do any illness. It took the death of a well loved man for people to think "maybe there's something more to this mental health issue."

Some day ...

[Idiot17]

((((Clara))))

[Velouria]

Originally Posted by Clara22

One is disabled by depression or another condition. People around that do not have the same condition often make useless remarks, behave in a non favorable way, could be unsupportive or rude not because they do not want to help but because they do not understand our condition. One has the right to set up limits and keep one's privacy. On the other hand, dealing with somebody with depression could be greatly frustrating sometimes. I do not know if my expectations about people around me aren't too high.

People can lose their patience, that's for sure. My boyfriend, who is extremely logical (no sarcasm, he is all logic, I'm all emotion) loses his patience with me all the time. He's said things like, "Maybe you should take another dose of your medication," on more than one occasion. Once it got so bad that I had to literally beg him to be more supportive. I sent him tons of articles on how to be with someone with depression, and on the nature of depression itself, so that he could gain a better understanding of it.

What do you mean, though, that you don't know if your expectations about people around you aren't too high? What are your expectations? It doesn't sound like setting up limits or keeping your privacy is asking for much.

[Clara22]

For example, telling other people they know I am depressed, telling details about my mental health issues to other people (some of them I know, some of them I do not know). I must say that in our culture privacy is not valued very much, although it is changing now. But I must say also that I am very discreet and that I have said I don't like them to discuss about my health with other people. They do it anyway. I understand they do it anyway because here people open their mouths too much. Indeed, I have met back with some old friends that want to help but I am terrified by the level of details about their own friends they tell me in casual conversations. It is just an habit. I have very little interest in unknown people lives and I feel embarrassed listening to these comments. But then I think, I being too picky, all in all, these friends of mine want to be helpful. Also, they make insensitive comments or are patronizing sometimes. This is something common here but as I was in the US in the last ten years ( then I came back to my country ) I guess I am having a hard time adapting to these characteristics. Of course, some people are more sophisticated here.

[flours]

I understand that it is probably annoying if people talk about your health issues and that it feels awkward when they tell you details about other people's life. anyway I wouldn't be worried too much. if they talk like that it may simply mean that they care. for example I don't think anyone is gossiping about me because I don't feel like I am important enough to anyone. so I would feel even a bit appreciated if they did. I would say it it very important though to think about what persons you want to share what information with if you don't want it to be spread.

[Abe Froman]

Guess I'm fortunate that we've dealt with mental illness in my family forever(even though we didn't know exactly what to call it for a long time, we still knew what it was like) and recently when I told a friend of mine that I was in therapy, he said he was so glad I told him because he had been seeing a T off and on for four years. Like now it's okay for him to be able to talk to me about it. Then I was at his house talking to his wife, and we were talking about different meds, she has dealt with depression nearly her whole life.

Like I said, guess I'm fortunate. Would you consider a support group or group therapy session so you can talk to people that do understand besides a therapist? And really, I guess that's what we're here for too. I hope it gets better for you.

[Velouria]

Originally Posted by Clara22

For example, telling other people they know I am depressed, telling details about my mental health issues to other people (some of them I know, some of them I do not know). I must say that in our culture privacy is not valued very much, although it is changing now. But I must say also that I am very discreet and that I have said I don't like them to discuss about my health with other people. They do it anyway. I understand they do it anyway because here people open their mouths too much. Indeed, I have met back with some old friends that want to help but I am terrified by the level of details about their own friends they tell me in casual conversations. It is just an habit. I have very little interest in unknown people lives and I feel embarrassed listening to these comments. But then I think, I being too picky, all in all, these friends of mine want to be helpful. Also, they make insensitive comments or are patronizing sometimes. This is something common here but as I was in the US in the last ten years ( then I came back to my country ) I guess I am having a hard time adapting to these characteristics. Of course, some people are more sophisticated here.

I can totally understand that -- I wouldn't want people I am not friends with knowing information about me if it is not coming directly from me. People can get details wrong, give their own interpretations of things, and skew things according to how they see them.

Is it your friends who are making insensitive comments and being patronizing, or your friends' friends?

Where do you live?

[Clara22]

Some friends sometimes make insensitive comments. I do not live in the US. Let's say I live in the global south

[Velouria]

Do you tell them they're being insensitive?

I'm bad. When people make insensitive comments, depending on how close my relationship is to the person I either immediately react in anger, or I let it stew and build up. I don't suggest either tactic.

One of the hardest things to do sometimes is to get people to take you seriously with depression, because if they've never had it, they really have no idea what it's like, they have nothing to relate it to. The closest thing I can think of is how it feels to lose a close loved one.

[Clara22]

I am trying to raise awareness, sometimes I ask why they say that or I tell why I think differently. For example, under the cover of helpfulness some people hide some resentment. Somehow, they like certain order of things where you are the one that is helpless and they are the one who save others. Taking care of others is exaggerated and somehow they like to show off they help others as much as they can. They do not like when you say no to some of their offers or do not follow their advice. Some people are not in that way all the time, and have other very positive personality traits in addition to this one that I don't like.It is very profound but if you tell them an unsolicited interpretation of their behavior you are being aggressive, as well. For some people, it is lack of sophistication, too. Here, very rarely people will refuse your advice and tell you that they did not ask for advice first place. We are not as individualistic or assertive as other cultures, although things are changing. Here people are patronizing by default anyway. And going back to these friends, they are not bad people, they try to help all in all. I guess I am more irritable now so many things bother me. I used to accept people's ways in an easier mood before

[Rose76]

It sounds like you try very hard to see it from different perspectives, Clara. I try to remind myself to do the same. I know that me being down can strike those around me as a form of self-indulgence. To some extent they are right . . . . at times. Then, sometimes, others just aren't trying to understand.

I hope your you have moments with your friends when there is empathy and understanding.

[Clara22]

Hi Rose,
Yes, I have moments of empathy and understanding. There are people that are more understanding, in general they are from the disability field. The fact is that I am prone to be by myself I think because of depression. Then I try, get frustrated, and go to my shell again