[lesbo]

Hi, I am not really sure what to say here so, I will give a slight history.
I am 44 yrs old, female. I am gay and have been with my partner for 20 yrs. I have since my teens had episodes of suicidal attempts and was a cutter for many years. I have distorted body image and have a historyof drug and alcohol abuse/ addictions.
I have throughout my adult life, had period of being "normal" and then go through periods where I once again struggle with suicidal ideation. The last 2 years have been tough for me as I was diagnosed with MS and have had to adjust to my life with disabilities.
I didn't know I was depressed after my diagnosis but i turned to drugs again and was absuing them until the end of last year.
I lost my dad in November and although I loved him, I have not been able to feel anything about his death at all. I don't think about him, I don't miss him or anything and my lack of caring and my lack of emotions starting concerning me.
I have for the last 2 months or so been really depressed and it has been taking so much effort for me to do anything. Last month I was discharged from hospital after having to have huge doses of cortisone treatment and that really affects my mental state badly. When I was discharged, I was the most depressed and suicidal I have ever been, My ex therapist helped me through the suicidal ideation and although things improved slightly, nothing has changed.
I am still very depressed, I have just been started on Cipralex but I don't think i can continue feeling so desperate for much longer.
Any advice, comments etc will be appreciated

[LMo]

Lesbo - I'm really sorry you're struggling right now. You seem to have a really good handle on what's going on with you. I'm not sure I'm in a position to offer unique advice, but I encourage you to continue seeking help until you find something that works for you, and please know that I am listening and that I care

[Talulah]

Lesbo
I'm so sorry you're feeling so awful. Sounds like you are trying to pick yourself up and I'm glad you're starting some meds. Remember, they take time to start working.

You've got many things going on and all of them are tough issues, so I'm proud that you are still trying to move forward and help yourself. You deserve it.

Will you continue with a therapist? I think maybe until you feel more stability in your emotions, you shouls be talking with someone who can offer some care to you.

I truly wish I could offer some insight or make you feel better immediately........

Know I'm here is you need to talk.

[illusion24]

All I can say is I have been there for so long, I thought I would never climb out of the hole. But I finally started back on my medication and things started to improve. The main thing that helped me is to not beat yourself up. You are lovable and worthy of love. Your pain is real I am sure, but there is help out there. I hope you start to come out of this episode soon. You are valualbe and worthy.

Lenny

[lesbo]

Thanks for your reponses. I am not currently in therapy as my medical cover does not include psychological or psychiatric consultations and I am not in a financial position to pay for therapy privately especially as I know that I do not only need a session or two with a therapist.
My ex therapist has been helping me a bit but, it is only telephonic because she lives far away and she is not comfortable with having to try to get me out of this depressed and suicidal state without being able to see me face to face.
I am just hoping that the medication will work for me because I guess this is my last resort.