[narriel]

Hi all

If it is ok I would like to vent for a moment. Its in regards to my husband, that I love very,very much. But there are those days, it could be the fact that tonight is a full, new moon, it could be PMS or it could be the depression. But this morning was bad. I felt that he thought i was ugly, fat and stupid. Then while I am crying my eyes out, I am thinking how stupid it is for me to think that way. Why do I let him dictate how I feel about myself.
He can just be so inconsiderate at time. It could be he is just a man. I don't know. Then theres this whole thing of turning 35. He does think that the words "I love you" means everything, love, you are beautiful, you are smart. He doesn't realize that we as women need to hear that we are the most beautiful creature in the world and that no other woman can compare. Well at least thats what I think.

I did get a call from my new therapist who had a cancellation on this monday so I am going. I just feel like a pile of dog doo.

At work we are doing this home and garden show and for the last few days I was one of the three girls decorating our booths. We had 5 spaces to decorate with our furniture. I was in charge of the western booth. My boss and the other girls said it looked great and that I did a great job especially since it was a last minute thing. So, I should feel real good about my self. But I don't. I can understand that there are times when my husband gets into a mood......mens PMS. So why should that make a difference on my mood.

Again, sorry for the ramblings, my thoughts aren't very comprehensive. Thanks guys I don't expect any answere to my questions, I just needed to get that out. Thanks for taking the time to read this. I know it was long.

[Rapunzel]

Hi Narriel,

Venting is good for you, and this is a safe place for it, so go ahead and vent any time you feel like it.

You're right about men's PMS - men do have hormones too. Why should women get all the blame? It isn't fair!

Even though it is hard to feel good about yourself, recognizing on a logical level that you have talent and good qualities and are a good person is a start. It takes more time to work in so that you can feel it, but keep up the positive thoughts about yourself and it will get there. It helps to hear it from someone else too.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

<font color=orange>There is an easy answer to your problem that is neat, plausible, and wrong.

</font color=orange>

[narriel]

Thanks Repunzel

I needed that hug.

I feel a little better today after I got all that off my chest. Bt there are time that i want to slap the back side of his head to notice how inconsiderate he is being.

Thanks again.

[nowheretorun]

Venting is cool and a great way to find out feelings or thoughts you didn't realize until you've had that opportunity to release the pressures that have built up. It's a form of emotional brainstorming I guess. Just like brainstorming, not all the ideas you come up with are useable, but some are just what you've needed to get around a bend.

I wanted to comment about this gender comparison between men and women and who's needs seem to be what.

I think all people see the world first through a one way lens, mostly directed at themselves. It might be for other men, as it has sometimes been for myself, that needing to feel important, recognized, respected, admired etc., is verified on the day our mate has said she loves me. Mission accomplished.

In the early stages of "training" (that was a cute remark ozzie a man does not look beyond this personal accomplishment and might think he has taken care of his need and anyone else who has needs is responsible to see they are satisfied for themselves as he has done. His "trophy" (admiration from others) is locked away in the cabinet and now it only needs to be dusted on a regular basis.

No way do I think this is the ideal, just something to think about when we think about the failings and faults of others in our lives.

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

[SeptemberMorn]

Darrel, I really like your explanation of "how men think." This paragraph, I think sums it up: In the early stages of "training" (that was a cute remark ozzie a man does not look beyond this personal accomplishment and might think he has taken care of his need and anyone else who has needs is responsible to see they are satisfied for themselves as he has done. His "trophy" (admiration from others) is locked away in the cabinet and now it only needs to be dusted on a regular basis. It's what I think is a basic difference between men and women. Men are satisfied with an "I love you" but women need to keep getting reinforced in detail. It gets frustrating for both parties.

Nariel, I used to be very dependent on my husband for my mood and my self-esteem until we separated. Then I had no one to depend on but myself. My therapist had also told me that I needed to "disengage" myself from his moods and perspectives but I refused to understand it. My whole word depended on what he thought of me.

Through the seven year separation, I learned to depend on myself, my moods, my perspectives and my own self-esteem. I told myself that it no longer mattered who thought what of me. The important thing was how I felt and thought of myself.

We're back together now and I don't let his down moods bring me down. If he disagrees with what I'm doing, it's okay if I know it is the right thing and if it makes me happy, as long as I'm not hurting him in the process. If he decides he wants to go out and have a beer at the topless bar and shoot some pool, well... ok. I, myself, wouldn't be caught in a place like that, but I don't have to, do I? LOL So he looks at bare women's breats! So what! He can log on to the internet and see worse! It is very seldom that I admire another man for any reason, but there has been the rare exception. I feast my eyes but I'm at my husband's beck and call should he want or need some "intimacy." Those girls aren't and neither are the men I might take a second look at.

All of this in a nutshell? "Be enough unto yourself." Oh, yes! And keep in mind that men are wired different from women.

PS I envy you your work. Creativity is a great source of self-satisfaction and a great outlet, too. Stand back and take a good look at what you "create." Then smile inside and out and say "I done good!" One of my husband's favorite sayings is "Damn! I'm good!!!"

<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[narriel]

Thanks you guys for ya'll reply.

There have been to many times to count that I have told my husband what a good guy he is, how sexy he is (especially when we are dressed up to go out) but he won't say how I look unless I ask. Then it is usually "you look fine". Its like I said, he words of I love you are suppose to say it all.

I know men are very different from women. I have learned his moods, when he wants to be a lone when he wants attention and so forth. But he doesn't know mine.

He knows how depressed I can get only because I tell him (only on occassion) He can be so supportive in that situation. Take for instance today, which started off better than yesterday, but very quickly ended up bad. He has to leave for a few days he will be back tuesday. and I just started balling. He asked what was wrong. But I know he had to leave and didn't have time to sit and talk this out with me. But he called me on his way and we talked for a few minutes.

I did proceed to tell him that I felt that he would be better off if he didn't have a wife that was crazy. He gave a little chuckle and you must be crazy because I would be a mess without you, I would probably be in jail or worse without you. He also said that he didn't understand my thinking, that I had just not gotten to the point where I felt good about myself. He made me feel good for a while. He also told me that Your always doing stuff for your mom and grandma, and sister who is a total mess. Like I said he is a good guiy. But sometimes he doesn't notice me, unless I say somethling.

I have tried to convince myself how much I make a difference to the people around me. but i feel that tooting my own horn. I have my moments, The western booth at the show was very cool. I am proud of that. Our showroom at our main warehouse is my job, and when I get through with it everymonth I like the job I did.

I will tell you that when I get home and my oldest cat is waiting at the door to greet me and say hello it brings a smile to my face, and my ferrets, i got them at the ferret rescue shelter, when they come to me and want to play or just follow me around and see what I am doing. That makes me feel that I have done something right, Ivey my albino female was brought up by two little girls who played very rough, so she was a biter, but she has learned that all she has to do to get my attention is come near me. I feel good that I made a difference in that little creatures life

But, there are those days, that no matter what anyone says I feel like a door knob has more purpose and value than me.

I will reread ya'll replies again. I want to thank ya'll again.