Daily Check In — Ups and Downs Thread 12

ajohnson45 · Dec 21, 2014, 03:12 AM

Feel like crap. Thank god I am home for break so I don't have to suffer seeing my crush in class knowing that I will never talk to her anyway. Even if I did she would run off if we got to know each other because I am a screwed up freak.

Angelique67 · Dec 21, 2014, 06:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Perfectly Broken

Feeling down, out of place, not comfortable literally inside my skin. Stopped taking meds since I was scared of running out, I moved recently and now I can't find the bag that had my meds. Guess it's another sleepless night full of pain and depression, can't sleep since I can feel my veins and blood pumping through my body which makes me anxious and freak out. Feeling pain in my stomach area, have no idea what it is anymore.

That all could have been written by me, so ditto. Except I haven't stopped taking my meds yet.

SeekerOfLife · Dec 21, 2014, 06:52 AM

Depression. It looks like it is here to stay. THAT is depressing. Struggling to put a lifetime plan together. This will take time.

herethennow · Dec 21, 2014, 07:17 AM

cant face anything school related - i feel like a failure.

pdoc appt coming soon.
i feel like defaulting and just ... give up.

Dec 21, 2014, 07:45 AM

Well, true to form, since it is first thing in the morning I'm feeling kind of low. As I wrote yesterday, I know things will pick up mood-wise because they always do as the day wears on. Not much on the slate for today. Will probably spend (too much) time on the computer and read when I'm not doing something with my husband. I think I will pick up a Sunday paper so I can check the help wanted ads. Oh yeah, there's the football game at noon, and we will probably go out to my husband's friend's farm to check on my husband's honey bees.

Dreading tonight because I can't sleep when I can't take my Xanax the night before an ECT. I'm going to ask my ECT pdoc to give me another med to take on nights before ECT so I can sleep. I also still have a fair amount of anxiety about the ECT in general. I'm thankful that they have helped me but just hate getting them.

Bark · Dec 21, 2014, 10:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by herethennow

cant face anything school related - i feel like a failure.

pdoc appt coming soon.
i feel like defaulting and just ... give up.

Same here. It seems whenever I get better, it's only a matter of time before I slip up again. Especially around school. Especially around papers. Why can't I write a damn paper?

Rose76 · Dec 21, 2014, 11:44 AM

Feeling only fair today.

Dec 21, 2014, 12:40 PM

A miracle happened. The sun is out - for right now, at least. Thank goodness, because I really needed the sun to be out today. And also, today is Sunday, which means my parents won't be drinking tonight, which means no fights. I can breathe for a little bit. This will be my first okay day in a loooong time. However, I'm still dreading tomorrow and what it will probably be. I'm actually dreading the whole 6 days to come, even Xmas, as I know it will be nothing but just more of the same.

Dec 21, 2014, 02:37 PM

Checking in for the second time today. I am in a really foul mood. Probably because I've had a headache all day and feel worn out. Partly because of feeling bored and generally useless too. Partly because I am anxious due to having ECT tomorrow. I've been snapping at my husband all day and feel bad about that. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day head-wise and mood-wise . . .

tigerlily84 · Dec 21, 2014, 02:55 PM

Woke up with a headache. It's gone away and I made plans for the day. I actually felt pretty good. But then I got into an argument with a family member about where I will spend Christmas. The problem is lack of communication, but this person assumes that I am somehow able to read their mind. Sorry that's not possible. Say what you mean and mean what you say. I wish I could say that I didn't let it get to me but that's not the case. I'm annoyed, and I can't wait for the holidays to be over.

Bark · Dec 21, 2014, 03:29 PM

I'm a mess.

Clara22 · Dec 21, 2014, 04:41 PM

I am a mess, too. My body is not responding well to treatments. I have to often fight with one of the doctors teams in charge that wants to get rid of me, even I am bleeding and the surgery wound is more open now. I am trying to keep my spirit high and cooperate but sometimes I just want to sleep. I am using the system to complain and so on but sometimes it is too hard. At times I feel better

TheOriginalMe · Dec 21, 2014, 06:49 PM

Today barely reached daylight, it was cold and damp and grey. I went to the supermarket, they had marshalls in the car park as it was so busy in the run up to christmas. It was a really good idea as it stopped people getting unpleasant. Shame they didn't have marshalls in the store to keep everyone moving in an orderly manner.

Other than that I watched some Tv and slept quite a lot.

aprillynn197 · Dec 21, 2014, 07:27 PM

Overeating again!!

Dec 21, 2014, 08:10 PM

It's been a typical weekend for me. Yesterday was pretty nice as I spent about an hour with a friend of mine. He was with me when I went shopping and at my place. There were no distractions. He was nice to be with, but I feel like he does not understand where I come from. When I tell him how hard it is to make friends for me, he implies that it's my fault.

Last night I rented a movie, and it was terrible. I went to Redbox and the selections were limited. There were not many good movies left. On top of that, while I was at Redbox looking over the selections, a couple of guys were near me talking to each other. I didn't feel comfortable with them there. So I felt hurried to get a movie, and after I left, the two guys did not get a movie like I thought that they were waiting for me to leave. They didn't seem "savory" to me.

Today was alright. Went to church and that was it. Did laundry and went on a little bike ride. Right now I feel very alone and lonely. I have an abbreviated work week this week.

Perfectly Broken · Dec 21, 2014, 08:45 PM

I'm hurtful, I only focus on the negatives, my behavior and attitude is unacceptable, people should stay away. I only wish I could get away from myself. I don't want to think about work or school or other people, all I feel is pain.

Dec 21, 2014, 10:54 PM

Well, I knew my 'okay day' would have to come to an end. The sun went down and the sky blackened, and it seems my mood blackened with it. Charred ash. The next 6 days are gonna be rough, as always... I am trying to think positive about it, but that never seems to get me anywhere except disappointed.

H-H-H-H · Dec 22, 2014, 12:42 AM

A little of both. Good day.

Dan208 · Dec 22, 2014, 10:19 AM

Feeling a little better today, but yesterday was a very bad day. I know that there are people out there that are worse off than me, but couldn't help but wonder why I'm the one with the heart condition, the back problems, the horrible eyesight, the sleeping problems, the weight problems, the anxiety and depression.........

Makes me so mad and even more depressed that I can't get rid of these feelings and just be happy. Because, despite all those problems, I do have a pretty good life.

regretful · Dec 22, 2014, 11:31 AM

I suppose that it could be worse. Compared to last year at this time I'm doing much better. Depression comes and goes in a life...it's been coming more frequently for me. I do wish it would fully go...