[Bark]

Originally Posted by herethennow

saw pdoc today.
hate pdoc hate pdoc hate pdoc

still down.
and i sense a storm coming.
*sigh*

It sounds like the appointment didn't go well.

What are you planning to do?

I am so clearly suffering, it's obvious, but no one cares...

(No one meaning people IRL, not here on PC.)

Also, I wish I could hug myself, but I'm too fat.

[aprillynn197]

Originally Posted by ShyPoetGirl

I am so clearly suffering, it's obvious, but no one cares...

(No one meaning people IRL, not here on PC.)

Also, I wish I could hug myself, but I'm too fat.

Its hard because people care here but words can only go so far.

[TheOriginalMe]

Today was horrible, another failure, more hurt, I need this to stop.

[Little Jay]

Slipping further down down down...

[Rose76]

I am having a very productive day. Feeling good.

[herethennow]

Originally Posted by Bark

It sounds like the appointment didn't go well.

What are you planning to do?

It went okay but it went to something I hate.

I am still a free man so.

I'll just listen to pdoc's demands for now, but if nothing ever goes right I don't know either..

woke up feeling really heavyhearted to go to school. woke up late even.
when will this self hating ever end

[angelene]

Feeling horrible but maybe some light at the end of the tunnel? There is a possibility for one of my best friends (more like a brother) to come here for New Year's Eve. I hope I haven't jinxed it by "saying it out loud" like this.

An OK day for me. It got crazy busy this morning at work, but then it died right down. Worked out after work and it went well. I had laid off of working out for a few months and I'm impressed with the way that it's progressing. I miss bike riding after work because it gets too dark when I get home.

Another day of feeling pretty good (so far). Unfortunately I have really nothing to do until noon, when I go to an AA meeting. After the meeting I'm having coffee with a friend. She lives about 1/2 hour away and I like driving so that should work out okay.

This morning, aside from a load of laundry and taking the dogs for a walk, I imagine I'll do my usual internet surfing. I am in two book clubs and have a huge book to read (Divergent), so maybe I'll break up the computer use with some reading.

Yesterday I dropped off my volunteer application at the museum so hopefully something will come of that. I also talked to a staffing agency who's looking for someone with a paralegal background to fill a mortgage loan processing position. With a law degree, I'm way overqualified but I don't want to practice law anymore so am searching for a paralegal-type position.

My therapist doesn't think I should be looking for a job, at least not a full-time one. She thinks I should be focusing on "self care." Maybe I'm kidding myself by thinking I could work a full-time job now, who knows. I don't see any part-time jobs out there though. We could use the extra money too.

Have a good day everyone.

[regretful]

Doing my best to fend off the depression by changing first, my thoughts, and second, the words that I use. Sure, it is simple cognitive behavioral techniques, but I guess I have to use it or simply stay this way (which is not really any way to live)...

Why am I always feeling like this? Like nobody cares. Like I am hopelessly stuck in my current situation.

Maybe these feelings have a grain of truth to them?

[Bark]

Forced myself to go to lunch with family. I ate pretty well and I didn't get full.
I went to my martial arts class. I really struggled to focus but I felt it was better to go.
And I'm still as depressed as before, but instead of staying in bed, I'm outside. And the possibilities.

I've realized that going to the ER would be pointless. That going inpatient would be even more pointless and I don't know if I'm still covered for a stay anyway. And maybe I am back to cycling between hyperness and depression. There is an up to look forward to. But I just do not see it. And the thoughts are tiring me out.

So I'm waiting to see a friend. I don't know how much of an act I'll put up; if there's a group of us I'll have to. But why bother people with my stupid problems?

I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow instead of next week. When I saw her on Monday things were great. Now they're back to how they were last week.

Everyone is studying for exams. Me? Useless.

Sorry for posting again but I just have to let this out. My friend just called and cancelled our coffee/chat this afternoon. Now I'm left with nothing to do. My depression has given me a lack of creativity/interest in doing many things. I will probably just come home after the AA meeting and watch Headline News. What fun. I know there are tons of other things I could do but, again, my depression has me not interested in much or motivated to do a variety of activities. Yuck.

[favoritefountain2]

Sort of cruising right now. It has been insanely busy and my family has been less than kind about the whole issue. In laws are complaining because work has kept me going six days a week, and my wife seven days a week (due to a lot of "absences" which I think have more to do with alcohol than with flu). As a result we didn't get packages for Christmas in the mail last week, and everyone is saying we've ruined Christmas. I'm so exhausted I don't even care. Next year I think I'll just send a cheque. Note: This isn't lack of planning or disorganization. We only got lists last week (Tuesday), and they expected us to drop everything and just shop for them. We got shopping done last night (not bad I think) and we'll have the packages out tomorrow. Still, this is a stressful time - and normally I love Christmas.

And work has been going well recently (lots of compliments on my work and a lot of people telling my boss how much help I've been) which is good. But at the end of the day I'm so exhausted I end up passing out in bed with a book.

[Turtlesoup]

Feeling ok so far-yesterday was just very tiring. The whole anxiety thing is just wearing me out. I'm moving forward today with no expectations & will just see where the day takes me. See my tdoc this afternoon-I told him last week i'm so frustrated with everything I would just like to throw plates or something breakable-ha maybe he will accommodate me-I could pretend they are family members.

[Rose76]

I'm perking along is great form. Things sure can change.

I'm feeling discouraged and very disappointed in myself and my life.

I'm frustrated with the way things are currently... every day is exactly the same and it seems I never have anything to look forward to. My days are grey and uneventful. It's no wonder I'm always depressed!

What frustrates me is the fact that I feel so stuck, when I'm really not. There are things I can do, I just can't seem to motivate myself enough to do them. Sure, they probably wouldn't make much of a difference in the broader scheme of my life, because I still would be living here and trying to survive my parents getting drunk and yelling every night. I suppose I don't see the point in doing things like going out of the house unless it will make me feel better, which I assume it wouldn't.

[SeekerOfLife]

I think I get it. This depression is never going to end. It is up to me to find the key to my own coping.

[TheOriginalMe]

I moved forward a lot today, I left a lot of unnecessary feelings behind and realised it is OK to have the ones that are left. I still feel fragile and the slightest puff of air could knock me off balance, but I'm coping.

[angelene]

I've been thrown for a loop. A guy I know through a friend has a huge tumor in his brain; he's getting an operation on 12/23. Merry Christmas, right?

Originally Posted by ShyPoetGirl

There are things I can do, I just can't seem to motivate myself enough to do them.

Depression sucks the life out of you. Hang in there anyway.

I feel used up and useless

[Rose76]

If I said I feel fine, that would be understatement. I feel superb.

Feeling a little lower today, not sure why. Plan to go jogging with my golden retriever, Belle, then to pharmacy and grocery shopping. May go to noon AA meeting and have therapy appointment at 2. (I really dread jogging - - it's actually jog/walking. The only reason I force myself to do it is because I think it's good for my depression. I think I've said this on here before; just restating it for myself.)

Oh yeah, I heard back from the museum. She sounds really interested in me as a volunteer. Have an interview in a few weeks. Wish it was sooner, but it is what it is. I just have to fill up the time as best I can in the meantime.

Oh no, just found out my husband is going out of town for 5 days at the end of January (happy for him, because he's going ice fishing but not looking forward to it). Being alone while depressed is horrible. I will have to do my best to make plans with other people. Lately I hate being alone at night in the dark too, even if the dogs are around. This will not be fun for me at all. Oh well, time to put the big girl's shorts on.

[Bark]

That was such a stupid idea. And I thought I'd finally changed my mind.

I don't know what the consequences will be. I don't have time for consequences. I don't have time for anything. The stress is overwhelming. And it feels like I've tried everything and nothing works. No, it's just that I've been a failure. It's all my fault.

Everything is pointless.