Home Menu

Menu


Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old Nov 06, 2014, 01:12 AM
girlonfire89's Avatar
girlonfire89 girlonfire89 is offline
Junior Member
 
Member Since: Jun 2014
Location: Portland
Posts: 11
All my life, I have been strangely jealous of sick people. I know, it's absolutely horrible of me. My depression has effected my brain so strangely that when I see pictures of people I know struggling with illnesses and getting all the attention and affection I don't get, I get jealous. Seriously jealous. Not to the point of Munchausen where I make myself sick, but just envious. Part of it I think is that my warped brain thinks that being sick is the only way for people to care about me and give me attention. Growing up, my sister dealt with some serious issues and I got neglected a lot because of that. When I got older (like 10 or 11) and had my own issues related to being severely bullied and harassed, my parents were too burnt out from my sister to deal with mine. It's time for me to acknowledge that this plays into my jealousy of sick people. It's absolutely horrible that I need this sort of attention and that I want to play into the victim role.

I want to bring this up in therapy, but I'm too afraid of doing it and facing the judgement. I'm a terrible person for being SO jealous of people who are seriously ill and I don't have the anonymity that I have here.

Please don't judge me. Trust me, I judge myself for this a lot.
__________________
Depression, anxiety, bulimia, and ADHD.

Meds:
Adderall (10 mg/2x day)
Cymbala (60 mg/day)
Prilosec XR (20 mg/day)
Hugs from:
HowDoYouFeelMeow?, katelyn1019, shezbut, vital
Thanks for this!
My4WalledWorld

advertisement
  #2  
Old Nov 06, 2014, 03:03 AM
TheOriginalMe's Avatar
TheOriginalMe TheOriginalMe is online now
Out of Order
 
Member Since: Feb 2014
Location: England
Posts: 16,088
F
First you acknowledge your thoughts are not good and that tells me you have insight. Honestly you are not a bad person. You are just struggling with stinking thinking which one way or another gets to lots of people with depression.

Please talk to your T about this, there are lots of techniques you can learn to help you manage negative and unhelpful thinking.

Be kinder to yourself and remember that you have an illness, even if the world can't see it.
  #3  
Old Nov 06, 2014, 09:16 AM
Altered Moment's Avatar
Altered Moment Altered Moment is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Feb 2014
Location: Michigan
Posts: 5,481
I don't think it is that unusual. When I am really depressed I often wish I had terminal cancer and would get all the sympathy and attention and then just die. I have heard lots of people with depression say the same thing. We want it to at least be acknowledged that what we suffer is real. It can't be seen and most people don't understand it. Like OriginalMe says you want to turn that jealousy and thinking into getting those needs met in a healthy way. It is just telling you that you have unmet needs. Figure out how to get them met.
__________________
The "paradox" is only a conflict between reality and your feeling of what reality "ought to be." -- Richard Feynman

Major Depressive Disorder
Anxiety Disorder with some paranoid delusions thrown in for fun.
Recovering Alcoholic and Addict
Possibly on low end of bi polar spectrum...trying to decide.

Male, 50

Fetzima 80mg
Lamictal 100mg
Remeron 30mg for sleep
Klonopin .5mg twice a day, cutting this back
Thanks for this!
gloamingone, My4WalledWorld, shezbut
  #4  
Old Nov 06, 2014, 03:00 PM
katelyn1019 katelyn1019 is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Oct 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 160
I have the same problem. I've often fantasized about having cancer so people would pay attention to me.
Hugs from:
shezbut
  #5  
Old Nov 07, 2014, 09:18 AM
ozzy1313's Avatar
ozzy1313 ozzy1313 is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Aug 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 496
Me too. I have often wanted an obvious sickness so I could say, hey people, I'm not ok. Years ago when I was anorexic it made me feel good knowing that I was visibly ill. Now that I have no physical proof of mental illness I feel like I am faking.
__________________
BP II

--200 mg lamictal---900mg lithium---.5 xanax
Hugs from:
shezbut
  #6  
Old Nov 07, 2014, 09:37 AM
vital's Avatar
vital vital is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Oct 2014
Location: Boston
Posts: 1,589
Quote:
Originally Posted by girlonfire89 View Post
All my life, I have been strangely jealous of sick people. I know, it's absolutely horrible of me. My depression has effected my brain so strangely that when I see pictures of people I know struggling with illnesses and getting all the attention and affection I don't get, I get jealous. Seriously jealous. Not to the point of Munchausen where I make myself sick, but just envious. Part of it I think is that my warped brain thinks that being sick is the only way for people to care about me and give me attention. Growing up, my sister dealt with some serious issues and I got neglected a lot because of that. When I got older (like 10 or 11) and had my own issues related to being severely bullied and harassed, my parents were too burnt out from my sister to deal with mine. It's time for me to acknowledge that this plays into my jealousy of sick people. It's absolutely horrible that I need this sort of attention and that I want to play into the victim role.

I want to bring this up in therapy, but I'm too afraid of doing it and facing the judgement. I'm a terrible person for being SO jealous of people who are seriously ill and I don't have the anonymity that I have here.

Please don't judge me. Trust me, I judge myself for this a lot.
I think you might feel great if you go ahead and tell your therapist.

I don't think less of you because of this at all.

- vital
  #7  
Old Nov 07, 2014, 08:27 PM
Vossie42's Avatar
Vossie42 Vossie42 is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Sep 2010
Location: U.S.
Posts: 558
Quote:
Originally Posted by girlonfire89 View Post
It's time for me to acknowledge that this plays into my jealousy of sick people. It's absolutely horrible that I need this sort of attention and that I want to play into the victim role.
Yes, your experience probably does play into your jealousy of sick people, but no, such jealousy does not make you a horrible person. Your jealousy is very understandable and simply an indication how much you're hurting. You didn't get what you needed while growing up, and you're kind of stuck there. Your therapist can help you deal with this and move on to a better place. You won't be judged. That's not what your therapist is there for. So, give it a shot. Let her know what's hurting you.
Reply
Views: 908

attentionThis is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:51 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.




 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.