[jacq10]

So I am in University in another province and was planning on staying up here for the summer (working etc) and we have to pay a morgage for the summer anyways so it would be dumb for me to live elsewhere right? Well tonight i got a call from my mom and she said that her and my dad "decided" that i was coming home, and pretty much that i had no say in it because as of right now i don't have a job so they are "paying for me". I am so incredibly upset right now its not even funny .. i do NOT have a good home life, no support system, all my friends live around the area i am in now, and i'm going to have to be there for 4 whole months. No T, no friends, no life, just me and my "family" if you can even call it that.

Also, after my mom called me (i was pretty upset) she went behind my back and called my cousin (whom i'm really close with, but she doens't speak to) and tried to get her to tell her things that we talk about etc etc. I'm so incredibly upset that she did this and tried to get information from her - even if she was trying to "understand" me .. she only does it when its conveniant for her, and to gain power over me. I jsut dont even know what to do right now.

I can't go home. I dont know what i will do if i have to ... and i dont know how i'm going to get through everything. What do I do?? How can i persuade her to let me live here? - Can i also just mention that if i get a job here that means that i will also have a job for next year as well, where if i go home i'll have to start all over again in September. She doesn't make any sense ... I can't do this.

[Christina86]

Oh yeesh!

Parents sometimes...

I'm sorry Jacq, I know you don't find dealing with your family that much fun, just like me. I think you came up with a reasonable answer to your question - because you're right, trying to find a job in one place, moving and then trying to start over is just nuts! I guess I'm fortunate like that... my family doesn't want me home at all. Ever, ever, again to live.

Tell them that you don't want them paying for you (if that's at all true) and that you've made a commitment to staying where you are and you need to make enough money to live in your new place next year. (I couldn't get away with it, but if it helps then you could always lie about now getting a job recently and that you can't take time off work).

I don't remember if you've told me (I'm sorry, my memory is crummy because it's 7:15am) but does your family know about the therapy? If they do, can you somehow use that as an excuse, or have your therapist phone/email them saying that they don't think it's a good idea you went home for that extended period?

Did they give a reason as to why they "decided" that you should be going home for the holidays? Maybe they just miss you... it happens. Try to arrange for some time spent out there, a few weeks perhaps and see if that makes them happy.

I hate it when parents randomly decide your future for you. Definetely mucking up with autonomy there, and they're not exactly helping the situation because it's YOUR life and your decision.

If your still forced to move though ... wow, that would suck. I'm going to visit my extended family for about a month and I'm already worrying about it. And they're not even the difficult ones to deal with, that's definetely all my immediate family there!

(You knew I was going to have lots to say right??)

Give me a holler tonight (after 9pm) and we can chat. Otherwise I'm bothering you.

(((((((((((((((((((((My friend Jacq)))))))))))))))))))))))))))



I'm sorry this is happening to you.

(edit: correcting spelling)

[jacq10]

((((((((((((((((((((((Canders))))))))))))))))))))))

I've said it before and i'll say it again, you are too kind my friend. Thanks for the ideas/suggestions ... I would tell my parents that i dont want them paying for me (because i certainly don't!) but right now i dont have a job, so when it comes to rent again - as of june - if i dont have a job then they will have to. The way they see it if i dont have a job up here now then i wont then, and so they're just making me go home. And no they don't know about my T ... or anything actually ... and while maybe it seems like it would help things if i told them about whats been going on, it would honestly only make things worse and WAY more awkward between us.

Oh well i guess we'll just have to see ... maybe some miracle will happen and i'll be able to stay here ...

[Christina86]

If your parents think that way about the possibility of you getting a job, I can really understand why you find it difficult to tell them anything! That kind of negative attitude bugs the crud out of me, and yeah I get it too!

I was only just asking about telling your parents about your T... if you can emotionally do it, great, fantastic ... I can't. I never will be able to, knowing their perceptions of the entire field of psychology, let alone therapy! (I've told my one sister, but she was trying to get up the courage to see someone and then backed down for good reason... the receptionists at her uni's health clinic were too touchyfeely)

Have hope my friend. I know someone will get it into their heads to hire you, you're bright, fantastic, and a wonderful people-person!! Keep on trying, you'll get something I know it!!

(Sorry for my cheery optimism, but I honestly believe it for you!)

You want me to bother you later so we can talk (I know university squishes so much time out of a person's schedule) ??

Let me know!

(((((((((((((Jacq)))))))))))))))))

[lenjan]

(((((((jacq)))))))) oh, the stories I could tell you about the things my mother did to try to control my life when I was in college!! I'm sorry to hear some things never change.

My advice (for the very little it's worth) is to kick a job hunt into high gear. I can help you with a resume, if you want; I'm good at those. I can help with interview tips, because at this point in my life (20 years out of college) I have been so through many I can do them while fast asleep and still get the job . It's all a big game, and there are ways to beat the game.

Let me know if I can help you somehow. I remember this period of my life much too well and if I can help you from having to go through the same garbage, I'd like to.

((((((((((jacq))))))))))

Love, Candy

[desperado]

Jacq, seriously look into taking a cpl courses in the summer so that you can apply for a government loan to cover your expenses....good chance they will help pay for school as well as rent. Apply asap.

Yes, it will be very difficult, as you will have to work too, but ABSOLUTELY WORTH IT. Nothing should compromise your mental health. I have been there. Take the control back from them. It's your life.

Good luck.

Des

[jacq10]

(((((((((((((((((((Canders)))))))))))))))) - Thank you so much, you are such a good friend my dear. I'll PM you about tonight.

(((((((((((((((Candy)))))))))))))))) Thank you for your kind offers and support. I may have to take you up on your offer about interviews - although that would require me to get one first!!

((((((((((((((desperado))))))))))))))) - I actually am taking a couple course distance ed this summer, so maybe i could apply for a government loan .. good idea! I'll definitely look into that!

I'm working up the courage to email my mother tonight .. i have so much that i should say to her, but its hard because she knows NOTHING about my personal life and i hate talking to her about it. I'm so scared of her reaction, and even the thought of telling her how i actually feel about how she's been acting is scarying me so much. We'll see if i can get around to that tonight, but probably not because i have a midterm and test tomorrow

Thank you all once again... much appreciated
Jacq

[desperado]

Jacq,

You are welcome. ((((((((((Jacq))))))))))

Glad to hear you are taking some courses. Ok, so apply for a government loan. Look into a bursary from the uni, if possible, too. But, apply EARLY! See if you can find a job on campus in a research setting, or whatever...will save you transportation fees.....and some time.

Try not to worry -- you CAN write that email......you have the courage. Study for a few hours, then take a well-needed break to clear your head & then write a bit. If you feel too stressed, then try it tomorrow, after your mid-term.

Btw, good luck on your mid-term. If it is multiple choice, remember, "abacadaba" LOL.

we're here for you, jacq...........hold in there......xoxoxo pat

[jacq10]

(((((((((((((((((((((Desperado & Fayerody))))))))))))))))))

Des - i'll keep that in mind for the multiple choice!

[jacq10]

Just sent my mom the email ... scaryest thing of my life! Except i didn't exactly get mad at her for anything i just made it more reasons of why i should stay here this summer ... i figured i might as well see what she says about this before i actually talk to her.

[Christina86]

Hey, you did good Jacq! That took a lot of courage and willpower that I don't think I have. I hope she takes it well and understands your perpective on everything.

(((((((((((Jacq))))))))))))