[HelloWorld18]

So my whole life I've been battling with people thinking I'm gay. I've always denied it. In mid july, my dad woke me up at 8 AM by pounding on my door violently. I said hold on, as I was shirtless and only in my boxers so I wanted to get appropriate. I opened the door and they began yelling at me because my room was a mess. They said to get down stairs and I did. When I came back up, I found that my step mom had gone through EVERYTHING in my room. The trash that was piled in my bathroom trash can was poured all over my bed. Glass bottles had broke (Coca Cola Vintage Bottles), my medication bottles were all over my bed. They definitely didn't show mercy.

So yeah, that in itself was pretty traumatizing to me. I was especially traumatized, because (this is really embarrassing to admit, but oh well) because I had 3 bottles of personal lubrication that they had found. After that, I felt like my 'innocence' had been destroyed. Why? Because I had always tried my best to appear as a good natured kid. Which I am; I never do anything wrong. But after that, I felt destroyed.

That's not the end, a few hours later, my step mom came in, and asked If I were gay, when I said no, she said are you sure. I can't even describe how I felt. The words destroyed/traumatized doesn't even come close to how I felt. I felt my whole world has just shattered like a glass mirror. I cried for hours after that happened, and right after it had happened, I cut myself. Very deep. In fact, 4 months after that, I can feel the scars it left. I'm still unable to get passed what had happened.

*Just read the bold if you don't have enough time

[Clara22]

Hi,
I cannot imagine how devastating having your intimacy destroyed in that way is. What your parents did is wrong, no doubt about it. And, you have the right to have any sexual orientation or no sexual orientation at all, it is your life and not theirs. Sexuality is part of life but some people just do not understand. Nobody can tell you if you are gay or not, but you. Do not allow any anybody questioning your sexuality please, because it is your very core and nobody has the right to question it. I am sending you a big hug

[Frankbtl]

Hi HelloWorld, I'm so sorry you had to be put through that. It must have been a horrible experience for you
Just remember you didn't do anything wrong, you're still the same person you were before, there's still nothing wrong with who you are. And you stay proud of who you are, OK??!!
Remember they screwed up, this doesn't have to say/be/mean anything about you. Obviously it hurts, but please try not to carry their mistakes on your shoulders.
And your sexuality..........whether you're gay, straight, bi..............**** that's no-one's business but yours and any partners you may have (as applicable), unless you want to share that. Just whatever your sexuality don't ever feel you have to/"should" hide or justify it. Anyone who judges you negatively based on that/or what they think that is, hasn't seen YOU.
Now come on, you're way better than what's happened to you!! Hold onto that!!! You can get past this. I know it might take time, I know it really might not be easy, but you can.
And don't forget we're here for you in that!!! And if you want to talk more................

Alison

[HelloWorld18]

thank you Sexuality isn't anyones business, but my whole life I had always thought "it doesn't matter if my school mates think I'm gay, at least my parents know thats no the truth" and when i was asked that, I felt like even they thought i was gay which destroyed me. I called my mom crying telling her they asked me if i were gay and she said "it doesn't matter what they think, you know you're not gay and thats the only thing that matters. I know you're not gay. "

That meant the world for me. I appear to be gay, but I'm not. I do care about clothing brands because it helps my self esteem, I have a weird walk and I stand up weird because I have a hyper lordosis of my back. there are so many things that have been brought to my attention that I did, and I didn't even know it. i have gay tendencies, but I dont intentionally do them. idk if that made sense. Like I do gay things, without realizing they appear to be gay. i do not do these things on purpose.

[Frankbtl]

Hi HelloWorld, really glad the call went so well for you
And as for the "gay tendencies".........well I'd say it was way over time for more people to be breaking down some of those "stereotypes" anyway
It's so much more important to be yourself..........to do/be whatever feels/is right for you. And try not to fear what other people may think you are/are not if you do something that's "perceived" as...........that just makes them wrong and it's them who need to "open their minds" a bit more. And you can be the guy to try to help them do that

Alison

[shezbut]

(((((HelloWorld)))))

I am so sorry that your father (and his wife?) treated you so inhumanely! You are a person. You are their son. I just cannot comprehend what in the world they could possibly say, somehow thinking that their actions were reasonable.

Very gentle hugs to you ~ best wishes!

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by HelloWorld18

...I have a weird walk and I stand up weird because I have a hyper lordosis of my back.

By itself that explains quite a bit. That physiological trait affects people's perceptions of you, which shape their behaviour toward you, which affects your self-esteem.

[Altered Moment]

What in the world were they possibly trying to find or prove???? To prove you were gay or something? I can understand how you feel invaded. We all have a right to some semblance of privacy. Even if you were gay it is not crime. Doing things that may seem gay is not crime. You are who you are.

[HelloWorld18]

Originally Posted by Frankbtl

Hi HelloWorld, really glad the call went so well for you
And as for the "gay tendencies".........well I'd say it was way over time for more people to be breaking down some of those "stereotypes" anyway
It's so much more important to be yourself..........to do/be whatever feels/is right for you. And try not to fear what other people may think you are/are not if you do something that's "perceived" as...........that just makes them wrong and it's them who need to "open their minds" a bit more. And you can be the guy to try to help them do that

Alison

My mom helped me a lot at that time. I just don't know about the scars though, like right now, I find them to be itchy.

Originally Posted by shezbut

(((((HelloWorld)))))

I am so sorry that your father (and his wife?) treated you so inhumanely! You are a person. You are their son. I just cannot comprehend what in the world they could possibly say, somehow thinking that their actions were reasonable.

Very gentle hugs to you ~ best wishes!

Originally Posted by Rohag

By itself that explains quite a bit. That physiological trait affects people's perceptions of you, which shape their behaviour toward you, which affects your self-esteem.

Originally Posted by zinco14532323

What in the world were they possibly trying to find or prove???? To prove you were gay or something? I can understand how you feel invaded. We all have a right to some semblance of privacy. Even if you were gay it is not crime. Doing things that may seem gay is not crime. You are who you are.

They weren't trying to find or prove anything about me being gay, at least I don't think they were. It all started because my room was extremely messy, so I guess to prove a point they dumped all my bathroom trash on my bed, through all the chips I had securely in a bag all over my room, and made my room an even bigger mess. I'm still finding chips from when that day happened. I do things that are gay, but I'm not. Like, Im sure if i saw another person doing what I do id think "They're gay" but when I do them, I don't think that its gay at all. Its like i have a biased vision, if I see it in someone else, its gay, if I do it, I don't think its gay.

_________________

I'm a very private person. I don't talk about having a girlfriend because I just find it awkward. I think this isn't an issue of me 'being gay' (I'm not gay), but rather an issue of me having a hard time growing up. I've always tried my best to appear young and childish. When I started getting body hair, I didn't embrace it like others seemed to, instead, i was ashamed and embarrassed of it, therefore, I shaved my whole body every other day. I even stopped wearing shorts because of it. I still don't wear shorts. Well, I do wear shorts, but not in front of my parents. It's really weird to say, but when I first began wearing shorts in public, it was a sexual type thrill. I have no idea why (perhaps I made wearing shorts something of a 'no-no', like many of the polygamists and some mormon communities? idk). I'm 19 yrs old. And since 4th grade my parents have never seen me wear shorts, except for a few, rare, times. But during those times, I had shaven my legs. Even my own arm hair I struggle with on a daily basis. For years I would shave my arms. Its like the whole idea of adulthood has terrified me (like, looking like an adult and having adult features). Puberty was drastically delayed for me due to medical illnesses, so now, I'm actually having to shave my face. And for the life of me, I will NEVER let my parents see my face unshaven, because it shows adulthood. I'm fine letting other people see, ESPECIALLY strangers, but the idea of letting my parents see terrifies me. I don't ever talk about girls or dating with my parents . Never, ever. But to their amazement I have actually had a 'girlfriend' (they didn't know), but I really wouldn't consider it a real relationship because we only hugged and spent time together.

In general, I'm really not sexually natured at all. Like I don't day dream about girls or anything. I do find them attractive, but other than that, i'm not at all' sexually charged' like my guys my age are. i don't talk about them all the time (actually, i don't talk about them much ever with other people; I've never talked about girls with my parents, or even guys, so i have no idea why they would think I'm gay if i don't ever talk about either sexes, if anything, id think my parents thought I was asexual, which is something I've actually wondered myself).

The reason why they found so much lube, is because I was actually trying to make it pleasureable (I'm not going into detail). For me, its not pleasureable. sorry if tmi

[Sinking Feeling]

My mom asked me that too and I wasn't but since she didn't believe me I told her I was, she still didn't believe me so I asked her what answer would she accept. I never cared what people thought about me. I understand it bothers some people. I'm sorry the only advice I have is tell them your gay, at least they will stop bothering you

[shezbut]

Perhaps seeing a counselor to discuss these things would be helpful to you, HelloWorld. I see that you are on meds, are you already seeing a T? If so, have they helped you put any of these things into better perspective for you to understand? I'm curious if you are merely venting, and not necessarily looking for feedback.

As you have probably noticed during your membership here, many PC members are very helpful and kind...always wanting to help others. I'm kind of like that, just don't know how helpful I am.

Best wishes to you! Take care.

[Abe Froman]

It's unfortunate that your dad and his wife acted in that way. So what if you were gay, family should still be supportive. I'm sorry that experience happened to you. I didn't know it, but a whole bunch of my customers from my former business assumed my roommate and I were gay. I had no idea. We had a bunch of them to the house one night and that's when some of them told me. But it didn't bother me, I though it was more funny. But at the same time it was cool that they thought we were gay and didn't care and still supported my business and were willing to come hang out at my house.

I'm not sure what you mean by you do things that are gay. Like "metro sexual" stuff. How you dress and things? If it's how you dress or wear your hair or whatever, that's not gay or straight. If you dress a little snazzy, that's just taking care of yourself and taking pride in your appearance. Nothing wrong with stuff like that for anyone of any sexual preference.

Lastly, I actually had a somewhat similar incident, although not as traumatizing. I'm 36, might as well say 37 because my birthday is in a few days. I've lived drug free my whole life(prescriptions excluded of course). Never even smoked pot. The other day my mom was ranting at me over the phone. Started b!tching about whether I was drinking or not. That's really none of her damn business since I'm a grown man living in my own damn house. But then she asked if I was on drugs, and specifically she said not prescriptions because I've told her I'm on antidepressants and sleep aids. But the "on drugs" question made me feel like I was 14 again or something. It was very accusatory and I didn't like it at all.

Long response I know, but bottom line, I feel for you. Don't worry about whether people think you're gay or not. It doesn't matter. Just be you and do what makes you happy.

[Abe Froman]

Let me give a shorter additional answer. I've recently lost 62 pounds. And even though I've got a long way to go to reach my goal, I feel a lot better about my physical self than I have in a long time.

You said something like dressing well makes you feel good. Well since losing this weight I have invested in my wardrobe. Probably a different style from you, but that's not the point. The point is that three months ago I wore crappy t shirts, worn out baggy fat jeans, and crappy shorts. Today I have fitted pants and button down shirts and sport coats. And that all makes me feel better to get up everyday and put that on rather than the previous fat guy uniform. The new clothes give me a lot more confidence. Even though I'm still over weight, I know I look better and I get a lot of complements on how I dress. People definitely treat me differently but in a good way. If someone assumes I'm gay because I've bought some fitted pants and trendy shirts, I don't care one bit. Makes no difference because it's about me, not them.

So you dress the way that makes you feel good and gives you confidence. That's part of taking care of you. I'm glad your mom is supportive for you.

[1D10T]

I will keep it short and sweet. I feel your pain through what you have said. I would feel the same way of I had done to me what your had done to you. You, as every human on this earth, is unique and you should celebrate you for who you are regardless of anything someone says! Those who judge, in my opinion, are judging them selves. For what it is worth, I am the proverbial "black sheep" in my family as is my mother and we are always judged because we have depression, social issues that makes us introverts, and physical ailments that are frowned on inside the family.


I hope this gave you a little extra light in your day.

[phoenix7]

They really did act in a childish manner - trashing your room - did they make their point? is it cleaner and tidyer? ive always found positive reinforcement works better - maybe if they had said about the things you were doing well that would have made you feel like tidying up...dunno ...

People have stereotypical images of gay people and maybe the fact you shaved your body made them think that ... but that is their problem and you need to realise that and try as best you can to ignore it and yes i know thats hard - remember happiness can be cultivated within even if the people who should be helping you and protecting you are a pain in the ***** !

The thing about not wanting to grow up.... have you discussed this wiht a professional? do you know why it scares you so much? what about beign an adult scares you so?

im sending gentle hugs and hope you feel better soon- cos you deserve to :-) Just be you and know that is more than enough!