Crap- venting- trigger warning

I'm hurting today. I saw my T this morning and made a plan to cope ahead when I feel this badly but I can't do these things while I'm at work. And I'll go home today and who knows what will happen? I want so badly to talk to my friend but his wife is in the hospital at the moment and he's got enough going on. I shouldn't have let it get this bad. I knew the holidays were going to be hard and I thought I would be okay with meds and therapy but this isn't working. I want to end this pain. I don't feel like I can live like this. I have an appointment with my pdoc on Wednesday and I'm hoping I can wait that long. But I'm not sure there is anything he can do. I don't know if it's worth trying to switch meds especially since I know why everything is intense right now. I don't know if anything is worth it.

H shamon, it sounds like you're going through a really tough time, I'm sorry
And this needn't be about you "letting" things get this bad, sometimes there's no controlling them or they creep up on you, and even if taking actions before now may have helped, depression can often take a lot of those abilities away, so not your fault, OK??!!
But what is great is that you're reaching out for help now and you've made a plan. Now are there any parts of that plan which could be "modified" for work?? Maybe some things scaled down so as you could perhaps do something in a "bathroom break"???
The plan doesn't have to be "set in stone" right?? Maybe it can be a really useful foundation for you to add in some coping techniques to use when at work??
And you know if you're feeling being at work stops you from using the coping strategies you need to be using, it's putting you in danger.............then your well-being matters a whole lot more than any job. So maybe time to have some sickness leave, or if you have any holiday you can use...........??? And if you do feel in danger then please call a hotline, visit your doctor, go to ER...........whatever you feel you need to do to get the kind of help to get you through, OK??
And your friend.........well maybe you contacting him, him giving you some support could even shift his focus from the problems he's having, right now?? Maybe you could even both support each other??
And maybe things can still be OK with the meds and the therapy or even "just" better which would be great in itself, right?...........it's maybe more that they both need to be giving you a little more, and if you talk to your T and talk to your pdoc about that.....then there can often be scope for change in both of them. I know depression can make you feel like there's no way out, but things can get better. It might not be "easy", it might (probably will!!) take time but............
And hey, use us as a fallback if you need to talk too!!!
So if you want to talk more..........and maybe about why everything is so intense now????

Alison

I'm sorry that you are feeling so bad. I hope that you will follow the advice that Frankbtl gave you and call someone or come to us! We will do our best to help you. We care about you, you know!

Hi shamon, I understand it can be difficult to cope at work. My job is very stressful. Maybe dig into your resources to practice a coping skill at lunch break? Sometimes I think the only thing holding me together is my faith. I had a whole tool box of coping skills I wanted to try and a book on CBT, but my life is so darn busy I don't seem to find the time to practice these. I understand how you feel. It does help to reach out to friends. Also post to us here. We care.