Slowly realizing

I've been suffering from depression since I was very young but wasn't diagnosed until I was admitted when I was 18. I always kept my thoughts to myself or my animals and when I did slip I would lie and get myself out of the mess I created. About a year ago I was hit with the realization that I wasn't going to get better by myself and started to talk to a family member who knows I'm struggling but I can't seem to tell her anything, I still go back to lying to myself that I'm fine. And these past two months I have just wanted to start crying for no reason at work, and I work with wonderful two year old's. I guess right now I need help with getting me to allow myself to receive the help I need from someone who truly cares about me and wants to see me happy.

I am sure your family member means well, but I think professional help might be what you need for now. The proper meds and counseling will help you feel better and happier in time.

Problem is I have no insurance and no money for insurance. My aunt, the family member who wants to help, has tried to push me into taking meds for a long time and until just recently I refused but now that I'm feeling like life isn't worth living all the time and want to try medication, I cannot afford it.

Have you checked to see if you are eligible for any type of financial assistance? Are there any not-for-profit mental health clinics in your area that provide either free or income-based mental health services?

Do you think, if you could actually open up to the family member you've tried to talk with, that this would be genuinely helpful? Is this someone who could be in a position to help you financially to get some treatment? You know, even with a therapist, it can take a long time to gain trust & open up. This can be a really scary thing. So it's not at all surprising that you would have difficulty talking with a trusted family member about your struggles. So I wonder if it might be possible for you to keep talking with this person.

Perhaps the two of you could plan a weekly get-together. It sounds like this person knows you're struggling & wants to help. Don't try to spill the beans all at once. And don't beat yourself up for having difficulty talking about these complex subjects. Just take it a step at a time & see where it goes. It's a slow process, I know. But anything like this is. What's important is that you make a start & then stick with it.

We try for a weekly get together but it has turned into a chat about anything time. It does make me feel better when I go over there even though it's just for forty minutes a week. She suffers from bipolar so she knows where I am coming from and says it's not healthy for me to keep it to myself. So I think it would be helpful just to have a listening ear but I'm not really sure whats going on up in my head. That would be helpful is to know whats going on instead of just knowing I want to cry nearly everyday.

I'm sorry you're so sad. ): And I'm sorry you don't have insurance.
It helps me to research about psychology. And it also helps me to say to myself "oh, my brain wiring is off, I feel sad right now, for no reason, because my seratonin is off. It's gonna be okay. It's the depression. That's all it is, not ME."
I also heard that bipolar disorder is epilepsy in the emotional part of your brain, which I find very useful information in a way. I feel like that logic could be used for depression as well. It's my brain, not me.

You know... my perspective is that those of us who struggle with mental health issues will never know what's going on "upstairs", so to speak. Yes, people get diagnoses from pdoc's & T's. But then if you change providers, the chances are the new provider may slap a different label on you. None of it really tells you much about what's really going on with you. Every professional I've seen has had a little different take on what's going on with me. But in the end, none of it really makes any difference.

Given what you wrote above, my thought would be that, until you can arrange for some professional help, continue to get together with this family member. It sounds as though it is helpful. Tell her you'd really like to talk more about your depression but it's difficult. Tell her you're going to try to do so a little bit at a time. Ask her to encourage you. It sounds as though she has been where you are & she'll understand. And it sounds like she wants to help. However, I'm sure she doesn't want to butt in where she's not wanted either, nor does she want to push you toward something you're not prepared for. So just let her know you want to talk & you're going to try to do so a bit at a time. There again, you don't need to spill the beans all at once... easy does it...

Hi dyingfojossee18,

I also suffered from depression since I was very young. I have a feeling that we have a similar history.

You know what? Statistically speaking, the free, non-med ways to get better actually work better than the antidepressants and without the dangerous side-effects and dependence. I think it always makes sense to try for non-med solutions first. Also, I always tell people to check for purely medical/nutritional issues. Please see post #45 in this thread

http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...n-escaped.html

for a partial list and a video by Mark Hyman.

Improving your diet, getting exercise and meditation are known to help and they are great for you anyway, so why not give these a try? In particular, I want to point out that just meditation has caused complete resolution of depression in cases reported here. See the Depression Success Stories section. What really helped me tremendously is described in the thread above. It's very easy to try.

- vital