i just want to be normal...

Since starting this site I have mainly been going to the substance abuse forum, medication forum and newbie forum. I felt like I did not have the energy to deal with the depression and I really did not want to talk about it. Well...I am depressed. Not just down in the dumps--really depressed. I am struggling to get out of bed, struggling at work...not much seems to be going my way right now. I am taking my meds, journaling, going to therapy...trying to eat right...I am frustrated to find myself right down in the bottom of the barrel once again. Screw me, this means I will probably have yet another med change. I hate going through med changes. I hate doing all the crap I have to do to stay healthy. I am tired of all this. I am tired of the meds. I am tired of the therapy. Heck, I think I am even tired of the sleeping--thats about all I ever do--sleep. I'd like to have a "do-over" in life--roll the dice and see if I can come up with something better. And then I kick myself because I really should feel grateful for all I have and the progress I have made in my life...I don't feel grateful. I am pissed off I have depression, PTSD, anxiety, alcohol and drug addiction...my life as a child was a nightmare and it seems like I am always going to be paying for it. I just want to be normal.

we all want to be normal. and we have to work on what our definition of "normal" is and how we fit with it. there are times when i'm not sure that i remember "normal".....i would like my joy back.

i understand your feelings of despair. if you're like me, you'd like to have some time where you aren't thinking about your head. i'm sick of my head.

med changes suck. i've been on the same thing now for about 5 months and doing fairly well. but if something seems off i start worrying about my meds..... i think we create, for ourselves, some pretty self-defeating cycles. i find it hard to break myself of that.

do you see a therapist? IRL support is very important. i get to start therapy in about 10 days. i'm very excited that i'll have someone to talk to......

let me know how you're doing. xoxoxo pat

Hello DepressMe.
I am very sorry you are feeling this way and having such a hard time at the moment. It does seem like such a burden sometimes, to have to go through the roller coaster ride of med changes and adjustments, something I am on too well informed about myself. Honesty is so important with your therapist and dr, to help you get the medications and help you need at this time. If you are not feeling better tomorrow, then call the Dr and let the Dr know how you are feeling, so the Dr can help you get through this rough time you are having. I hope things get better and you feel better soon. Take care Soidhonia

Thanks for the support--I really appreciate it. I will be seeing my pdoc in the morning. Please have a good Sunday.

(((((((((((depressedme)))))))))))))))))

sending you healing and love. i too feel like you in that i just want to be normal, whatever that is . take one step at a time, take care of you

thinking of you

jinnyann xoxoxoxo

I would like to be closer to "normal" than I am right now, but I'm glad I'm not totally "normal." Some of the people I have met who I would consider "normal" are terribly boring.