[collegefriend]

hey guys i don't know why i am posting this but i just have the feeling that i should i really don't know what i am going to write but i just have the urged to do soo. so maybe someone will listen and understand. my friend tried to kill himself again today. he was in the bathtub and i came over his roomate said he had been in there for awhile. so i went to the door to tell him i was there and asked if he was okay he said i was. i was like okay and went to talk to his roomate. even though deep inside i knew that he wasn't and had the faint sense that he was cutting. why do i feel this way but don't act upon it???? why couldn't i go in there and make sure he was okay?? maybe because i knew it was true and didn't want to see it?? does that make me a bad friend because i didn't want to see it even though i tell him i care about him, i will never leave him, and that he can come to me for anything??? i don't want to loose him as a friend but i don't know how much longer i can go on with his emotional roller coaster and mine as well. i would have stayed at his house longer but i had an appointment with my advisor. later on tonight i saw him and he told me our on campus nurse and counselor suddenly appeared at his house. he asked me if i was the one that called but i didn't. why didn't i??? i knew something was wrong today and had been for a long time.... i knew that he stopped taking his meds...... i knew alot of things so WHY DIDN'T I CALL???? i am so mad and disapointed at myself!!!!! what if something would have happened. i know i should have immediatley called our counselor when he told me he stopped taking his meds, but we talked about it and i told him that even though he didn't want to take them he had to so he can get better (even though i know he may never get 'better') i actually thought he was taking them but i guess he was only taking them occassionally when he wanted to and not everyday like hes supposed to. I think he doesnt want to take them because he takes so many he is on four different kinds i think. but the dosage that he has to take, the clinic that he got his meds from didn't make them that high so he has to take 3 pills of one kind 4 of another and i think 2 of another. If i was in his shoes i wouldn't want to take that many either.
[bold] i don't know what to do and i am so scared. scared for him and scared for myself. [/bold]
i guess i have talked enough i know i probably wont get any replies but thats okay i just have to get it out. i should probably go back and start seeing the school counselor but i don't want to i dont think i can. it scares me to think that i maybe going 'crazy' or some form of crazy. i don't know i hope to talk to someone soon.
lots of love andrea

<font color=red> It's hard being a snowflake in a world of Cheerios!</font color=red>

[Fuzzybear]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{andrea}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I don't really have any advice but I read this, and I wanted you to know that someone was listening.
I hope things get better for your friend, it sounds like you are a good friend to him ...
I know what you mean about the emotional rollercoaster ...
Try not to beat yourself up for not being "perfect". You sound like a great person for caring so much about your friend. I am no doctor, but I definitely don't think you are "crazy" (whatever that is ...)
We are always here for you, but maybe it would help to find a non judgemental person to talk to in "real life" too, like a counsellor, they can help a lot sometimes with untangling stuff...
I am sorry this reply is so short, but I am thinking of you ...

Take care,
Fuzzy

You don't sound at all crazy to me! You sound stressed out though. You do sound like you need to talk to someone about what you've been though. So, please do go back to your counselor. Your friend has some serious problems, and you are trying hard to be supportive, but, heck, it's hard even for professionals to handle that much stress.

Please get yourself in to that school clinic and talk to someone. You need to take care of yourself. With the stress of finals here, you'll need some help getting through the rest of the semester.

Hugs Emmy

"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." -- The Dalai Lama

[Rapunzel]

Andrea,
I think that you being there and caring about him did make a difference. So what if you were not the one who called? Someone did, and he made it. If it happens again maybe you will be able to call someone for help. But when it comes down to it, you are a caring friend, and that is what matters. You can not take responsibility upon yourself for his choices. You are not his doctor or his therapist, and even they can't take the responsibility if he chooses not to take his meds and makes suicide attempts. None of us can control what another person does. All we can do is be a friend, tell them we care and hope they make the right choice, and set a good example. Beyond that, you have a life of your own and you need to live it. Please don't let his choices stop you from following your path and enjoying life. Don't let him make you feel guilty. You are a good friend.

<font color=orange>There is an easy answer to your problem that is neat, plausible, and wrong.

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