[Mefisto]

Recently i realized that i need to get better at hiding depression. If you let people, who are not your closest friends and family, know that you are depressed, that will avoid your company at all costs. They just don't care enough to feel all that sadness, awkwardness and frustration just to have conversation with you. And just not talking about your condition isn't enough, there are some non-verbal signs, that i personally can't control. The problem is - im bad actor in general. I never could tame my mood and just change it according to my desire. So how to hide depression, so the people wont notice?
And somehow i think that women can sense depression better than men. They are more powerful at detecting hided feelings and intentions of people around them. I often get impression, like some girls can see right through me and feel like they should avoid company of such depressive guy, so in the result they behaving cold and distant.

[shamon86]

I actually didn't realize I was good at faking it until my T was talking to her team about my case trying to get some insight when one of my DBT group leaders was like "really? She gets along with everyone and jokes around all the time! I didn't know she was dealing with all that!" My T told me that I needed to find my voice and stop putting up a front. I was like what am I supposed to do? Walk around crying and being sad all the time? I only put up a front because I had this notion that I had to act okay after my mom died. It took years of practice. I don't have a straight forward answer for you, but if your friends are avoiding you because of your depression, maybe their not the good friends that you thought they were.

[CANDC]

Presenting a sociable exterior and demeanor is an important part of successfully relating to others.

When self conscious in social situations, I tend to be hypersensitive to any inappropriate behavior I display or even imagine.

In the end most people are so extremely centered on themselves that they may not even notice or pay attention to my underlying emotions.

Notice the other person, compliment them, take a real interest in them. they will like you. It happens.

I've had men pick up on my depression immediately too. How to fake it? Sometimes you can't. You live it, feel it, it hurts. It shows. I tried hiding it. I'd only cry in my room. I don't think my parents ever knew how badly everything affected me.
They didn't include me either in things, and many girls in school avoided me, or they'd do the cat fight thing. I don't get people in general still. But I kept one girlfriend, and never had any guys as friends until one this year. Yes I think some people are able to see the depression no matter what you do to hide it. WOrking through it is the only thing you can do. Are you still working out? Exercise will help. (even if you think in some ways its worse)...

One guy I met in a bar when I was young, closer to your age, had the most beautiful smile that he attracted my eyes to him. He told me a year later, "I knew you were depressed"... I had wanted him, he tried to get me to date his friend. I guess I knew too, I wanted friends that were upbeat, positive, and healthy. Sorry to go on, this is your thread, just felt like telling you I know what you are saying. There is a saying "fake it til you make it"...There may be some truth to it. Hang in there friend.

[Altered Moment]

I think it is true we can't go around wearing our feelings on our sleeve all the time in general social situations and complaining. It is true people want to be around positive happy people. I think it is very important that we have a very good support network that we can rant, vent, show ourselves in whatever state we are in, and talk openly about depression without judgement. I guess I just totally avoid people when severely depressed. Then I try to put up the good front when I am in moderate. It is a hard deal.

I just saw this on FaceBook and it is kind of a sad state of affairs.

[Altered Moment]

I should mention that sometimes when it is mild to moderate and I force myself to get out there socially and go through the motions (fake it) that it will snap me right out of the depression. Not always but lots of times it has worked. So sometimes "fake it till you make it" works for me.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I force myself to pick out a cute outfit and fix myself up everyday which helps cover up the sadness. I know what you mean though, pretending to be happy is hard especially when you hurt so deeply underneath the surface. The worst is when you think you found a friend and you slowly share some of your issues with them and you find out they are only comfortable with the happy exterior, the superficial.

[Altered Moment]

I am not sure how to advise you on.....How get good at faking?

When I am able I force myself to go through the motions. Just put one foot in front of the other and go with the flow. Showering and shaving makes a big difference for me. Try to participate and not withdraw. I find it very difficult and that it takes a lot of mental energy when moderately depressed. Like I said though many times it has worked to snap me out of it. My depression is very cyclical though so I am not always in one.

[TheOriginalMe]

I had been doing well for quite a while before this episode hit. I don't think I tried to hide my history of depression, just I didn't tell the people around me about my depression because it wasn't relevant. People just assumed I was a relaxed, happy go lucky person who was clever, witty, a bit eccentric but harmless. Once my depression hit, I was upfront about it and the shutters really came down. Instead of being seen as relaxed and happy go lucky, I was considered aimless and lazy. Instead of being eccentric I was treated as weird, anti-social and malevolent.

Society has expectations and is very judgemental, most people are faking it in some way or another, very few people are brave enough to be themselves and so the cycle continues. Until the world becomes more tolerant then the choice is stark, play along with societal expectations, put on a happy face or wear your heart on your sleeve and risk isolation and criticism.

[boomerango]

There is a stigma about mental health. I don't feel safe to reveal my depression to most people. Only to certain friends. And here. I have to work. I have to function to survive, to have shelter and eat. Thank god I want to live at all. So I would call myself a functional depressive. When I fake it, I feel like I am prioritizing for the people around me. It helps in that moment, and I make it in that moment. but then I return to home, to my whole self, and the depression surges out from its hidey hole. ...

As I write this, it occurs to me that when I prioritize for others, I need to not forget myself at some point. Self care should be as important. In an ideal world, i could stop the carousel for long enough to cry or take a nap, and everyone would be a-Okay with it.

[Pierro]

Fake it till you make it. Is that not what they say. I smile a lot people tell me, but underneath is a different story. So whatever situation I am in or however I am feeling I smle. Some people cannot deal with anothers depression. Smiling is my "poker Face".

[ajohnson45]

Originally Posted by Mefisto

Recently i realized that i need to get better at hiding depression. If you let people, who are not your closest friends and family, know that you are depressed, that will avoid your company at all costs. They just don't care enough to feel all that sadness, awkwardness and frustration just to have conversation with you. And just not talking about your condition isn't enough, there are some non-verbal signs, that i personally can't control. The problem is - im bad actor in general. I never could tame my mood and just change it according to my desire. So how to hide depression, so the people wont notice?
And somehow i think that women can sense depression better than men. They are more powerful at detecting hided feelings and intentions of people around them. I often get impression, like some girls can see right through me and feel like they should avoid company of such depressive guy, so in the result they behaving cold and distant.

I am realllllllly good at this. It is at the point where I can even laugh at school even if I am super depressed and miserable. It is like an instantaneous mask that manifests itself when I walk into the school. I'm also good at hiding it from even my therapist, which is a problem because he can't help me if he doesn't know I'm depressed......I hate myself though anyway.

[boomerango]

Does faking it really make it? Does the depression go away because the facade makes it so?

Does the facade ever become real?

not for me so far.

I think the problem is we don't want to show the world how miserable we really are inside. But hiding it doesn't solve anything, I think it makes it worse and is dishonest to ourselves, (and people we try to fool, often can't be fooled by a face smile. A poker face just means, don't read me. I haven't been able to figure that one out) which is what really matters. Looking after ourselves, getting the help we need instead of denying what we feel and that we need help. I need lots of help, and I've finally learned to ask for it.

[boomerango]

Originally Posted by disparaissant

I think the problem is we don't want to show the world how miserable we really are inside. But hiding it doesn't solve anything, I think it makes it worse and is dishonest to ourselves, (and people we try to fool, often can't be fooled by a face smile. A poker face just means, don't read me. I haven't been able to figure that one out) which is what really matters. Looking after ourselves, getting the help we need instead of denying what we feel and that we need help. I need lots of help, and I've finally learned to ask for it.

Yes, I want to be authentic.
there is an idea that in objectifying the depression, and dis-inviting it from life, we can rewire the brain and decrease depression. perhaps mistakenly, I call that faking it. Perhaps wrongfully, too, I think that my fakery is not that powerful. I fake enough/ compartmentalize/ to survive, but at great personal energy cost.

[Zippo]

One day In the middle of winter I was crossing the road to go down to the ocean to drown myself. Something terrible had happened and I was already in a terrible state of mind, but I bumped into an acquaintance who said "Zippo, you look fabulous." I said, "Thank you, I'm just about to go to the ocean to drown myself," and he kept me with him all day. Funny that even in my last chosen moments of life my distress was invisible. I can be normal and maybe not chatty but at least passable when with people, but the second I am no longer in their company I'm back to my old sobbing self. It kind of horrifies me how I can make people think I'm doing well right now when in fact I'm never sure if I can make it through another day alive. I didn't used to be able to be so invisible but I've learned over lo' these many years how to get by in public. And anyway, when I see people I prefer normal adult, uncomplicated conversation like anyone else would have, not a reaction of concern and pity. But I do feel kind of crappy afterward when I see how there is no one who knows me.

[A Red Panda]

I was trained to behave in certain ways growing up, so I've pretty well always been a champ at faking it.

At the same time, I also wanted to learn behaviours that didn't come naturally to me to help me fit in better.

So the behaviours I display? They don't often match how I think and feel, it's just how what I taught myself. It wasn't what came naturally. It's fake, but not fake at the same time.

What I did was I took a look at what behaviours made me feel like I stood out. I didn't like those behaviours, so I thought about what do I want others to see? What would I want to see? And then.... then I started to fake it, until it became natural.

Sometimes, when the depression is a lower-grade, just resorting to that skill set can help pull me out of it, at least for the time that I'm out.

I view my depressions and negative beliefs as well, like being at war with my brain. haha. My natural behaviours were based around those, and I don't want them. I want to try and be the me that I might have been if my brain and life circumstances had been different. Of course, there's no way for me to really know who that would be, but it's what I base things on when I was trying to change parts of myself. So... in a sense, I'm trying to find the me-that-could-have-been, but I have to fake it because of the me-that-was-raised.

Not sure if I made ANY sense!

[ajohnson45]

Originally Posted by boomerango

Does faking it really make it? Does the depression go away because the facade makes it so?

Does the facade ever become real?

not for me so far.

Nope. It just keeps others from thinking you are more of a freak than they already consider you.

[nervous puppy]

I don't know if it's faking as much as it's compartmentalizing. From an early age I guess I learned that my feelings were not important. So I learned to focus on something else whenever other people were around. A good example is my job. I've been told many times that others come to me for advice because I'm the voice of reason and logic. I've also been told that I'm perceived as being tough and hard. Truth is I'm depressed, I have low self-esteem, and I cry a lot. No one at work (besides my boss) knows the real me behind the mask.
The thing is that everyone has a "work" mode and real life mode. When I get to work, my personal life goes into a box and I leave it in the car.

[mochagrande]

I agree with you. I have had to struggle with depression my whole life, but I have also learned that if you can find just one thing that you like about a person you come in contact with, you can just say "wow! Your hair looks gorgeous today!" or something like that. I only comment on things I really believe, for I love God and my integrity is extremely important to me. My motto is, if your going to throw a pebble in the water, make sure the ripples are positive ones that spread and spread because the negative ones spread and spread too. If you can help just one person smile each day, your ripples will spread positive smiles to who knows where. It is that thought that puts a smile on my face and helps me to push back on that depressive cloud that is always trying to push me down.

[ajohnson45]

Originally Posted by mochagrande

I agree with you. I have had to struggle with depression my whole life, but I have also learned that if you can find just one thing that you like about a person you come in contact with, you can just say "wow! Your hair looks gorgeous today!" or something like that. I only comment on things I really believe, for I love God and my integrity is extremely important to me. My motto is, if your going to throw a pebble in the water, make sure the ripples are positive ones that spread and spread because the negative ones spread and spread too. If you can help just one person smile each day, your ripples will spread positive smiles to who knows where. It is that thought that puts a smile on my face and helps me to push back on that depressive cloud that is always trying to push me down.

Screw that. I can't even be happy myself. No girl wants to have anything to do with me. **** this.

[A Red Panda]

I also try to do what I can to make someone else's day better. I don't lie or make things up, but I will ignore my own s*** completely and focus on improving other people's days. At the end of the day, I might still be feeling miserable but at least I'll know that I didn't drag anyone else down with me.

Ajohnston - mocha's post doesn't seem to have anything at all to do with the comment you posted? Their post wasn't about making yourself happy, or about getting someone interested in you... it was simply about fighting the depression by trying to make other people smile.

[Zippo]

Lately I've become uncomfortable with the "How are you?" question. It's hard to make your first words to someone be a bald-faced lie but it's really too personal to discuss with most people and it would bring everyone down and I'd get reactions of pity and concern rather than normal interaction if I was truthful, so I say I'm fine or I change the subject back to them or tell them something specific that really has nothing to do with how I am. Like I say I'm building shelves. That's not really how I am, it's what I'm doing, but it does in a pinch. Yesterday I went out to a gathering and of course I was asked over and over how I was and to some people I said' "Utterly hopeless and just trying to crawl through each wasted, pointless day," which didn't go over too well, and to others I said, "It's a secret." At least I was honest and didn't feel like I just lie to everyone, but I feel a little bad about it now.

[A Red Panda]

When people ask how I am, I tend to refer more to my body or what I'm doing. "I've been really busy lately, you?" or "Exhausted!!!" haha.

[boomerango]

Me too. When I am not fine, I will respond in a way that doesn't invite my depression into the passing conversation. I see that greeting as a convention of courtesy, and lots of people don't really want to hear a lot about how someone is doing. Of course, there are the exceptions.
yeah, I compartmentalize my depression for work and commitments. But it takes energy to do this! I also want to serve joy to people, and that feels good. The balance if it in energy tips on the depressive side far far too much....