[greenpunkergirl]

Well, I just found this site while looking up painless ways to commit suicide, and thought, what the hell, I have nothing else to turn to. Here's my dilema....... When I was 15 I found out that I have an extreme case of something called PCOS, or poly cystic ovarian syndrome. This genetic disorder comes from having too many male hormones in the female body, making it extrordinarily hard to get pregnant, and will make you fat, hairy, and otherwise not girlie. I have been shaving my face since I was 14, and I have gotten used to it, although it is very embarassing. It causes my extremely low self esteem, and makes it very hard to find a man. Now I am 21, should be in the prime of my life...... but I feel like I am dying of lonliness on a daily basis. I live with my best friend and her boy friend. Everyday, I do everything that she is too lazy to do, and in turn, she yells and screams at me, then gives him all her energy and attention. I am obviously bottom of the totem pole. So then, behind our house, lives our other best friend and her boy friend. She may be nicer to me, but has no time for me because of her boyfriend. Now as you can plainly see, I am the odd man out at home. I have no single friends, because when I got married, my husband had no friends, so I made friends with a bunch of couples......then he ran out on me with a friend of mine 8 months ago. I've gotten over it, but still wonder why, since he didn't even have the decency to say good bye.
Then there's work........ my boss thinks I am cynical because I hate the fact I work with 2 couples, and she gives me a lot of grief, especially when she tells me I am a far cry from ever being her favorite. Everyone loves to tell me about their day, and whats going on in their life, they ask for my help, but they never want to listen or help in return. Everybody has forgotten me......I have no one to talk to, and all I want is either to get a great boy friend to share my life with, to care about and to be cared about in return, which is hard fr a shy quiet person like me........this being the first time I have talked in going on 3 months, or to die, because what's the point of living in my own personal lonely hell? If anybody has the answer, I'd be forever grateful. Otherwise, thanks just for listening......I really needed it.<font color="pink"> </font>

HEY WELCOME TO PC.

you will have plenty of friends and lots of support here. we do not judge. i am so concerned you were looking for a suicide forum. hey, you are a human being with emotions and needs. i'm so glad you found pc. come in to chat sometime or post how you feel in the forums. looking forward to meeting you

jinnyann xoxoxoxoxoxo

take a browse around and familiar yourself withthe surroundings

[sabby]

Hi green!

I'm so glad you found us and posted. I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult time with your health and in life right now. But I can tell you that God did not forget you, he lead you here

My 24yr old daughter also has PCOS. It is not as extreme as your case, but, she still has her difficulties with it as you do. Feel free to pm me anytime if you would like to.

You will find some very caring individuals here. Like jinny said, no one will judge you. We support each other through thick and thin

I hope you keep posting....I look forward to seeing you around the forums or in chat sometime! Take good care of yourself.

Hugssssssss
J

[spiritual_emergency]

Hello greenpunkergirl:
I don't know if I have any answers for you or not. It sounds to me as if you're in a very difficult place in life, and you're keenly aware of that. When people have a number of burdens upon them they often do feel abandoned by God and sometimes wish to end their pain. If you can find a way to reduce your pain, or find alternate methods of coping with it, you can manage those moments.

Here's one website you might want to bookmark -- Suicide? Read This First. On that page is a link to an organization called The Samaritans. Should you ever find yourself in such a low spot again you can contact them by phone or e-mail.

Moving on. I read through your post and pulled out "the problems". Some of these problems can be changed or eliminated, some of them cannot.

- PCOS
- Low Self Esteem
- Feeling Lonely and Alone
- Unappreciated/Verbal Abuse
- Marriage recently ended/Betrayal
- Work not supportive

Most of the problems you're having right now seem to center around relationships, primarily...

- Your relationship with yourself
- Your relationships with your friends
- Your relationships with your boss and coworkers.

It can be difficult to know where to start when you have that much going on in your life. I suggest a multi-leveled approach. Probably the most important thing you need to do is to build up your own self-esteem but this can be difficult to do in an environment where you don't feel appreciated or valued. You're sort of getting it from both ends right now because you don't feel that at home or at work. I suggest that you intruduce a third element...

Is there something that you love doing, have always wanted to try, or that you're especially good at? This would be a very good time in your life to do those things. Unless you live in a very small town, you probably have access to community colleges and universities -- many of them are offering affordable classes in everything from Thai cooking to black and white photography. There are also a number of organizations that are always looking for volunteers -- your local animal shelter, a home for the elderly, volunteers to snuggle babies, etc. I suggest you find something to do aside from work and home. This will give you the opportunity to build up your esteem away from those environments that are currently detracting from it and may help to weaken that "third wheel" role you seem to feel stuck in.

Something else you might want to consider if it's possible is getting a pet to help provide you with some companionship. A cat gives you something you can put your arms around, you can take a dog for a walk, even a budgie gives you someone to love.

Your relationship with your roomates doesn't sound healthy to me but I've got a hunch you feel like they're all you have which is why you tolerate their treatment, even if it hurts you. I can respect that you wouldn't want to rock that boat right now but it would probably be good for you if you can find non-threatening ways of standing up for yourself. Over the long term, you may find it's to your benefit to leave that living arrangement. As a young woman on your own I don't imagine that you have lots of cash floating around, still... it might not hurt to check out the cost of other accomodations in your area. Perhaps you would find it to your benefit to have a different kind of roomate. For example, you might feel a lot more appreciated living with a single mom who delights in your ability to tidy the house and doesn't mind that you're off doing your own thing on the weekends. Check out the options in your area.

Last but not least, it may be to your benefit to connect with some other women who also have PCOS. They might have all kinds of ideas for how you can successfully manage that aspect of your life and slowly rebuild your esteem. You might be able to find that in a face-to-face format or in an online version.

It's worth adding that your marriage ended not that long ago. You need to grieve, heal and create a new life for yourself -- that takes time. It also takes change, so I would encourage you to start making some changes in your life.

Good luck.

PS: Here's one more link to get you started: The Seven Minute Course in Self Esteem

[cajun]

God has a plan for all of us. Hope you find the help you need here.

[bipolar_bear]

Welcome to PC I am happy that you found us. It can be so lonely to be alone amoung friends so to speak as it seems you are at times. I can understand feeling ostrasized for something that was not in my control. I hope you can find the support you are looking for here. Please take care of yourself and stay safe.

BB

welcome to PC........talk to us and we will listen............pat