Numb

It's my fault, because I chose to love, and give the very best of me
guess what?
not any more!

I'm done, I'm not depressed, I'm regressed, stupid!, stupid!, stupid! me
I tried their pills,I tried their wills, listened to how it can be, finally realizing its just no for me, i accept that now

I am empty, nothing left. please don't try to refill me, no refills, please discard this shell, just leave me as you found me.n
so much hurt and pain, this is what has driven me insane, the hurt, the pain

No one should have to endure such heartache and suffering. My own soul has abandoned me and my heart can't stand it any more. i use to say much more, but no more. I've tried it all, I accept that I am not, will not, shall not, can not, have not, live not.

i'm done
i'm numb
the devil has won.

I hope you don't remain nimb forever. I hope you at least give someone the chance to bring back your emotion.

I think maybe you haven't tried everything because this world is ever changing, maybe try going on a nature retreat and appreciating what's around you.

In all honesty, I don't know what happened, but I'm sure you're here to reach out to people again.

You may be numb, you may be "done," but it hasn't hurt your creativity.

How many see their own experience in your verses?

people suck, those that are nice, i question. people i have never met, hurt me...why? I'm a target, it doesn't matter where i am. the saying, I've been picked out to be picked on. I pinch myself just to see if i am really here am i a ghost. if i am real, then what makes me so un-love-able, un-touch-able? why am i rejected so easily? 50 years, of the same old crap, and you know what hurts the most? just as i forgive, just as things seem to be turning around, just as i take a second breath....pow! i get the crap kicked out of me, i get slapped back to the real reality. the only reason i am still here, is because of my love for God, i'm starting to feel that he has forsaken me.

i cry out to him, i cry out to him, i need him so much, where is he? why wont he make the pain go away? why wont he heal my heart, touch my brain? i am on the verge of a psychotic break, i can feel it coming, i dont wanna go thru this again, i cant go thru this again.

Recently you were struggling with respiratory issues and severe job stress - that stress related to the deterioration associated with depression. What's up with all that now?

*concerned*

** hugs of support **

Sorry to hear that you are in so much pain. Truly I am very saddened to hear of anyone having to suffer like this.

Thank you for asking.

My job stresses me like no would ever believe, I dread the morning to the point that I don't want to go to sleep at night. My cold/bronchitis or what ever it was is better, but my head wont stop hurting, the headache from hell. I'm a mess Rohag, I pretend all day so no one see's it, I come and stay here all evening. It's my only escape and lately, this hasn't been a safe place either. . I'll take my meds, and cry. Someone has been whispering my name in my ear, I can actually fill their breath. They say it as if I am suppose to answer or follow. It's my call, I know it.
I put a call to my pmc doc, no reply, I need to see cardiologist (need a new cardio doc, last one quit) because angina is getting out of control. I'm almost out of metoprolol, but I have plenty of nitro, I'll play it by ear. I don't even feel pain when I pinch myself. Tons of stuff I didn't say, it's not important any way. As one therapist once told me, It's me, me, me, me, me, me, me....she might be right. I am the problem.

Thank you for listening, it makes breathing a little easier.

i took out all the stuff DocJohn said not to talk about, I don't want to trigger anyone.

No matter what your therapist said, please try to feel free to talk about yourself here. It it helps, it helps.