[borncatastrophe77]

I'm so depressed. I hate life. It's been so hard for me to be a good enough person to make any kind of positive purpose.
my mental and emotional state is so scary right now. I'm so endlessly depressed.
The absolute truth is that I've been such a useless person for all of my life. I've caused nothing but harm to the people around me. And I'm such a horrible person that I won't even step up to the plate and start being great.
All I do is create more and more reasons for people to see me as the horrible useless existence of a human that I've been.

[borncatastrophe77]

I'm so against meds. But I know I need some thing. I'm just spiraling downward

[Fizzyo]

Hi there there is a lot in what you say I can relate to. Medication may not be the answer. Pain killers don't heal a broken leg but I am sure you would take them until it had mended enough for the pain to be bearable. I feel the same way about psychiatric meds, I need to heal whichever way I can, but one in particular helps enough with the pain to stop me causing myself serious harm and get some kind of sleep. That has to be worth something. Good luck and best wishes.

[vital]

Originally Posted by borncatastrophe77

I'm so depressed. I hate life. It's been so hard for me to be a good enough person to make any kind of positive purpose.
my mental and emotional state is so scary right now. I'm so endlessly depressed.
The absolute truth is that I've been such a useless person for all of my life. I've caused nothing but harm to the people around me. And I'm such a horrible person that I won't even step up to the plate and start being great.
All I do is create more and more reasons for people to see me as the horrible useless existence of a human that I've been.

Hi born,

Have a look at this and see if you recognize what's going on with you internally:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...n-escaped.html

This is what I think is the best overall plan for depression:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4262681-post105.html

There are many things to try and many of them are great for your health anyway.

- vital

[Frankbtl]

Hi borncatastrophe, I'm sorry you're struggling so much right now
But the "horrible", "useless" person bit...........there's no way you're going to make me "buy" that!!!
Few options for you here.......maybe it's as much the depression telling you that, and it can be seriously convincing in all the (false!!) negative things it can have you thinking/believing about yourself........to you that can be nothing but the truth.
Or
The depression has led you down "some paths" you would have preferred not to go down, now that does not have to be down to you, that does not have to be a reflection on who you are........that's much more about the limited options depression has left you with.
Or
You might have screwed up at times, you might have made mistakes, you might not be "hitting" your true potential yet.........but you don't need to be defining yourself based on your mistakes, there's going to be a lot more to you, and your mistakes you can gradually learn from........it's never too late........just as it's never to late too be coming closer to reaching your potential, and that can sometimes be a lot more than we think.
And maybe the mistakes have been adding to the depression too???

But obviously I am in agreement with you on the needing something to help with the depression.
And meds........if you need them.......well they can get you "in a place" whereas you can start to make real use of other things to help you too..........they don't have to be forever. Perhaps talk to your doctor about how you're feeling and some of the concerns you have about meds, there are some misconceptions about meds out there.........so maybe they can reassure you on some of those.



Alison

[borncatastrophe77]

Originally Posted by Fizzyo

Hi there there is a lot in what you say I can relate to. Medication may not be the answer. Pain killers don't heal a broken leg but I am sure you would take them until it had mended enough for the pain to be bearable. I feel the same way about psychiatric meds, I need to heal whichever way I can, but one in particular helps enough with the pain to stop me causing myself serious harm and get some kind of sleep. That has to be worth something. Good luck and best wishes.

Yeah, I think I seriously need to get some meds. As much as I hate the idea of it, I just tend to wind down wards with no light in my sight. Thanks you for your words.

[Cal30]

Hi BC,

I've felt the way you've felt before and will probably feel that way again some day, but when I do, I just remind myself of exceptions to the rule, an example when I did do a good job, helped someone out, made a sacrifice for someone else's good, etc. Then I try to get to the root of why I'm feeling so down and address that issue separately.

Look at how absolute your statements are:

"I've caused nothing but harm to the people around me."

"All I do is create more and more reasons for people to see me as the horrible useless existence of a human that I've been."

You're basically saying that you're absolutely perfect at being evil and worthless.

With all do respect, I am as skeptical of that idea as I am of someone who says they've never made a mistake, hurt anyone or done anything selfish. I just don't believe it.

There has to have been an example of a time when you messed up and actually did something right, helped someone out, blessed someone in some way, made a sacrifice for someone else's well being, etc.

If not, go find a homeless person and give them a dollar or two. The minute that money changes hands you'll have to start saying:

"I've caused nothing but harm to the people around me . . . except for that one time I gave a homeless guy $10."

"All I do is create more and more reasons for people to see me as the horrible useless existence of a human that I've been . . . except for that one time I gave a homeless guy $10."

Do one more thing and you can add that to the list:

"I've caused nothing but harm to the people around me . . . except for that one time I gave a homeless guy $10 and I helped my neighbor move in."

"All I do is create more and more reasons for people to see me as the horrible useless existence of a human that I've been . . . except for that one time I gave a homeless guy $10 and I helped my neighbor move in."

Add enough things to that list, and it will start to look absurd, and you'll have to give up on the idea that you're no-good, worthless, good for nothing, etc.

"All I do is create more and more reasons for people to see me as the horrible useless existence of a human that I've been . . . except for that one time I gave a homeless guy $10, and that time I helped my neighbor move in, and when I donated my car to charity, and when I stood up for my friend when someone was bad mouthing him when he wasn't around, and when I gave that single mom $600 bucks so she could still pay her rent after paying for an unexpected car repair, and that time my boss said she really liked my work on that project, etc. etc."

Either start making a written list or start making strong mental notes to yourself. Once you do just one right thing or one good thing, you can no longer make absolute statements about being absolutely worthless.

[borncatastrophe77]

Originally Posted by Frankbtl

Hi borncatastrophe, I'm sorry you're struggling so much right now
But the "horrible", "useless" person bit...........there's no way you're going to make me "buy" that!!!
Few options for you here.......maybe it's as much the depression telling you that, and it can be seriously convincing in all the (false!!) negative things it can have you thinking/believing about yourself........to you that can be nothing but the truth.
Or
The depression has led you down "some paths" you would have preferred not to go down, now that does not have to be down to you, that does not have to be a reflection on who you are........that's much more about the limited options depression has left you with.
Or
You might have screwed up at times, you might have made mistakes, you might not be "hitting" your true potential yet.........but you don't need to be defining yourself based on your mistakes, there's going to be a lot more to you, and your mistakes you can gradually learn from........it's never too late........just as it's never to late too be coming closer to reaching your potential, and that can sometimes be a lot more than we think.
And maybe the mistakes have been adding to the depression too???

But obviously I am in agreement with you on the needing something to help with the depression.
And meds........if you need them.......well they can get you "in a place" whereas you can start to make real use of other things to help you too..........they don't have to be forever. Perhaps talk to your doctor about how you're feeling and some of the concerns you have about meds, there are some misconceptions about meds out there.........so maybe they can reassure you on some of those.



Alison

I think that there is a bit of a mix as to why I screw up so much. I would really like a good therapist. There is no telling me right now that I'm not hopeless

[Frankbtl]

Originally Posted by borncatastrophe77

There is no telling me right now that I'm not hopeless

OK, the last thing I want to do is discredit the way you feel, I know that those feelings can feel so real, so absolute and be so painful
So what about thinking "I feel like I'm.........but there's at least one other person (me!! ) who sees past that, who isn't going to judge me and right now, it doesn't matter if I am..........."

And you know, with support there can be a way through how you're feeling, what you think you are............and a therapist............yes, that sounds like a good idea if it's possible............but you can always keep on sharing with us too.



Alison

[borncatastrophe77]

Originally Posted by Frankbtl

OK, the last thing I want to do is discredit the way you feel, I know that those feelings can feel so real, so absolute and be so painful
So what about thinking "I feel like I'm.........but there's at least one other person (me!! ) who sees past that, who isn't going to judge me and right now, it doesn't matter if I am..........."

And you know, with support there can be a way through how you're feeling, what you think you are............and a therapist............yes, that sounds like a good idea if it's possible............but you can always keep on sharing with us too.



Alison

You're being so helpful. I really am so thankful