Originally Posted by herethennow

Possible trigger:

thinking of methods.
i don't have the strength to stop these thoughts anymore.
no bed in the inpatient ward anyway -- since when does inpatient work?

i am chiding myself to stop posting triggering posts. to withdraw and stop posting...

Inpatient worked very, very well for me. Hugs, hang in there you are doing this

[TheExhibitionist]

It's crazy because I always wondered, for people with depression, how could it hurt to smile? or hurt to be happy? Now I know what it feels like. I'm still debating on telling my parents about how I feel and how I have been feeling for a long time. I have this reoccurring thought that if I tell them that they will think i'm using it as an excuse to get out of work and going to school and socializing. Eh sorry for the irrelevance I need to get that off of my chest. Hugs to everyone for sharing and staying strong

-TExh

[TheOriginalMe]

No better than yesterday, maybe a bot worse.

I dreamt last night that my T terminated my sessions. I've spent the day convinced that this is going to happen.

I'm so sad this evening. And feeling very rejected by a friend who I confided in and got support from. I feel the overwhelming sadness and the tears I'm trying so hard to hold back. I have family at the house for Easter. All I want to do is go find a hole to hide in. And I have to go face neighbours/friends shortly to prepare the outdoor Easter egg hunt for the morning. I don't know if I can keep it together. I wish I could disappear from the world.

[boomerango]

On the verge of that black hole again. I recognize that blackness. It doesn't have to leap up at me like that.

[Rose76]

Slept way too late. Not really depressed, but tired.

[lucami]

feeling not ok today..

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by TheOriginalMe

A bad day, I couldn't keep the thoughts at bay. All day I just questioned my own validity. I am a worthless piece of crud, I get what I deserve.

I feel like that a lot too, but it isn't true. You matter to a lot of us! Hugs!

[Randle McMurphy]

hit by a wave of apathy, usually i'm more highly strung even while very depressed.

Wishing I would cease to exist.

Originally Posted by Zayabean

Wishing I would cease to exist.

I feel that way a lot of times myself. I don't have any words, but I can give you a

It was a pretty good day, even though I thought that it might be a bad one. I got together with a friend of mine for a couple of hours. I didn't think that we could get together today. Had a nice time with him. I have a medical procedure scheduled in a couple of weeks that I am dreading. He has been encouraging me to go through with it. But there are times when I feel like bailing out of it. I don't feel like there's anything wrong. But he is very understanding on how I feel.

Earlier this morning, I had an appointment with a Real Estate woman to come and look at my place. There was a misunderstanding as she never showed up. I called her and she said that I didn't confirm our appointment. I thought that it was her job and responsibility to do that. She works with another agent that I dealt with before. I liked the other agent much better. The one now I'm dealing with does not seem "with it".

[artichack]

Tick-Tock...why is it when you tell yourself to be calm..no worries.....that your sub-c takes over and reeks havoc with your body.....and mind....Tick-Tock...least Easter is tomorrow.....entertaining family.....Positive.....Tick-Tock....counting down til Wedsnday.

I feel stressed and awful.

I don't feel any better this morning. Didn't sleep well either. Want to crawl in a hole.

Yay! It looks like my migraine is gone! No need for pain meds today (so far), so I can rest assured my husband and I will make it to church, my brother's for brunch and my daughter-in-law's to say hello.

My mood is not too bad today either. And yesterday I actually made a cake. Trying to do other activities besides going online, which, if admit it, I'd have to say I'm addicted to. Right now I'm going to read a book.

This spring/summer I think I'll get into gardening again and if I get a job, I can take more horse riding lessons and hopefully my instructor will feel I'm a good enough horsewoman to let me go trail riding. My husband is into his honey bees and fishing, so if I don't come up with some stuff to do I'll be left holding the bag.

[Smileonmyface]

doing ok. Happy Easter everyone. grateful that we are just staying home for Easter. so tired. and unmotivated. going to try to muster up some energy for the children's Easter and do some cooking. Easter has never been a favorite holiday for me. Actually I feel worse on most holidays, but something about all the spring dresses and white shoes and pastels ugh ugh and ugh. i don't think i'm going to change out of my pajama pants. it's my own personal way to rebel ha.

happy Easter friends
i'm doing alright. feeling less anxious and stressed than this morning.

[tigerlily84]

I've been feeling down the past couple of days. I did get enough motivation to go out to lunch yesterday and to get my eyebrows threaded. That's all I had energy to do. It was pretty hot where I am yesterday, so I think my lethargy had something to do with that. I was so exhausted. I still am, even though I went upstairs to lie down at around 7pm. I guess I fell asleep because I woke up at 7am this morning.

My dad's side of the family is getting together today. I'm not sure what the agenda is. I believe that my cousins are there from my stepmom's side of the family. One of them is visiting from out of state, and the other is from out of the country. I should make an appearance because I skipped out on going to my grandmother's birthday dinner last week. I don't feel like doing anything. And then my mom will want me to stay with her. There's only one car (mine) so that makes going to my dad's house difficult.

I think I would rather watch Netflix in my pj's all day.

[herethennow]

Has been a downhill ride for me. I don't know whether I can handle this anymore



Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Nammu]

I'm with those revolting, I don't plan on getting dressed today and I too find the Easter clothes and artificial happiness hard to bear. But tomorrow I'll try to remember to go check out the half priced candy and see if there's any jelly beans and peeps left.

Sidestepper i'll be checking out the candy too

Depressed, because I remember Easter used to be a holiday I enjoyed...

I don't even get any candy this year.

[JohnCrow]

Sick as a dog, dark thoughts finding the way in

Mostly just because lungs trying to leave

So far it's been an uneventful day, even though it's very early in the day and so much can happen later on. I went to church a little bit late, like I always do. As you may figure, this morning it was crowded. No place to sit. So I went back home. I know that my friend would be disappointed to not see me there. I never cared for Easter Sunday anyways.

Just now I'm doing the laundry. When I was in the laundry room, I saw a weird couple, which is typical of the place that I live at. It reminds me so much as to why I want to move out. It's very heartbreaking to feel that way because it's a nice place to live, and I invested so much into it.