[bellaviolet]

i am new here and i don't know what to do. i was officially diagnosed with major depression almost 10 years ago although ive been in therapy on and off since i was 8 (i'm 33 now). i've been prescribed meds in the past but can't afford them. therapy either. no insurance and no money.
things have been really bad lately and i don't have any support from anyone in my life. no one in my family takes me seriously and they tell me i'm exaggerating or being dramatic or "sitting on the pity pot" when i try to talk to them about the screwed up things in my head. they don't understand that it's self loathing not self pity. i admitted cutting myself for the first time to anyone the other day, my older brother, his response was "ok". he says i just need to change the way i think and everything will be fine. when i tell him its not that easy he says i'm copping out. my other brother tries to help but he's f-ing clueless and often ends up telling me the same crap - "just think different" "dont let things bother you". bs like that. my sister is in therapy herself but it doesn't seem to be helping her very much. i feel really alone in this whole thing and it's hard knowing that i have a big family and they all love me but can't or won't understand and support me. it makes me sad and angry, and it makes me want to do the destructive things more, the cutting, the drinking, etc. i don't know what to do or how things will ever get better if i am in this all alone. is there anyone else out there who has dealt with this from family members? i just don't understand why they act like they do and it only makes things worse.

[Soidhonia]

Hello and welcome to Psych central. There are many options for mental health care if you are in the United states. Your local county mental health agency in your area works on a sliding scale fee, and can get your medication for free as well, so that you can get the treatment you need at this time. If you are in the UK then you will have to ask someone regarding the mental health help that you need at this time such as SKY (The community Greeter here at Psych centrral). I hope you feel better soon and can find the help you need in your area soon for your mental health. take care Soidhonia

[Direction]

Frustrating...Family and friends don't really understand what is going on inside of us.

If your up to it - you can help educate them - many helpful materials on this web site - so welcome!

[bellaviolet]

thank you for replying... i am in the states, i will have to look into the mental health dept and see what they can offer me. i used to see a therapist at a sliding scale clinic but they only do short term and things got bad again after i stopped going. all i want is to have a normal life. i've never had one. i saw a beautiful couple at the grocery store yesterday and it made me want to cry because i just wanted to be one of them and i knew i would probably never have what they had. that's probably a stupid thing to say but it's true. i'm just so tired of living like this.

((((bella))))
welcome

it seems that ppl like our friends and families will never understand because they dont know what its like themselves and they are hurting seeing us hurting and they feel incompetent because they cant and dont know how to help
sometimes we need to tell someone what to do
even the lil simple things that we think they should know

i hope you can find a T / pdoc again soon and get back into it and it helps again

you have great strength
you have made it so far in life

[attinson63]

Hi there.. you are NOT alone. Don't ever forget that.

My dad's side of the family doesn't understand. My mom's side does, because we suffer from the same thing. Depression and bipolar.

I have given my dad tons of stuff to read about depression. Still, when i had lunch with him yesterday, he told me to cheer up.

I'm having major issues right now.. my boyfriend is moving to Chicago (we live in Florida). I have no desire to go there. We are so much in love.. but at this point in his life he needs to put his career first and everything else second. He said he feels like he's abandoning me... which has been a trigger for me.. damn those triggers. Bringing up all kinds of crap from my past that i had previously blocked out.

I'm going for intensive therapy next week at a mental health facility. I can't handle the pain on my own. This is why i sought this online forum. It's nice to know we are NOT alone. We can't just cheer up or snap out of it. It's a chemical imbalance that requires medication. I urge you to try to find ways to get counseling and meds. You can try calling 211. It goes to the United Way, which may have more resources you can try. You also might try the Partnership for Prescription Assistance. That commercial that you see all the time. They're helping people who don't have insurance.

Good luck and keep posting. We are all here for you.
Sending mental hugs.... susan

[Direction]

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attinson63 said:
I have given my dad tons of stuff to read about depression. Still, when i had lunch with him yesterday, he told me to cheer up.

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It probably hasn't sunk in yet...might not know what to say and how to say it. My mom seems pretty clueless...certainly doesn't understand SI and doesn't talk about it.

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attinson63 said:
I'm having major issues right now.. my boyfriend is moving to Chicago (we live in Florida). I have no desire to go there. We are so much in love.. but at this point in his life he needs to put his career first and everything else second. He said he feels like he's abandoning me...

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I'm not sure what he does...I would think that there would be a position in a city that both of you can agree on. Putting people second is never a good thing...Sometimes major projects for short periods of time are ok...How long will he be gone? Is it just a summer intership or is it basically perm?

[bellaviolet]

thank you everyone... i'm very glad i found this place. it's nice to know that there are people out there who understand. attinson i know what you mean.. my mom struggled with depression for years and her younger brother did too. he died when he was 21, everyone in the family says it was an accident but i'm not sure i believe that. because i know from the stories how hard things were for him. i wasn't born yet when he died but i have a picture of him that i look at a lot and i feel like i can relate to him. my dad didn't believe in clinical depression, or psychiatry, or therapy. he thought it was all a bunch of bs. it's one of the reasons my mom divorced him. he always refused to accept that there was anything wrong with either her or me, although he always told both of us we were crazy. when she first put me in therapy he was really angry. he didn't think i needed it. he died a long time ago but i still think a lot about him. i know he loved me but he also never knew me. he never allowed himself to really know his kids. he just created his own personalities for us. thats why my sister is in therapy although she won't admit it because she wants to remember him as some perfect father. even though there's no such thing.
i've decided that i'm just not going to talk to my family for a while. except my one brother who accepts that there really is something wrong and at least tries to understand and support me. i think it will be easier that way. i think with my sister and my older brother, i've been this way for so long - most of my life - that they think it's just the way i am, rather than any kind of illness. they love me but they don't respect me at all. they still treat me like a child even in my 30's.
attinson i hope things work out for you and your boyfriend. it seems wrong for him to put his work above you. work can't love you or give you a hug or help keep you warm at night. i would trade all the money in the world to just be loved. by myself and others.
thank you again to everyone for your support. it means a lot.