[waterknob1234]

Today was a real bad day and I just lost all composure.

[bluekoi]

waterknob1234, I hope tomorrow is a better day and you feel more in control of your emotions.

[Fuzzybear]

Sorry you had a bad day yesterday! Hope you are feeling better today

((((Waterknob))))

[Frankbtl]

Hi waterknob, I'm sorry yesterday was so bad
I'm guessing part of it might have been the build up of everything else going on for you???
You can "come back from it though". Hoping today has been a bit better..........but if not or regardless, here for you if you want to talk.........

Alison

[TheOriginalMe]

((((((Waterknob))))))

Never mind, it will do other people some good to see how much you are hurting, they will have felt awkward for a while.

I hope you feel better today, we all need to vent from time to time.

[waterknob1234]

Thanks everybody for all the support. All of you are my lifeline. One of our workers quit not too long ago so now we are shorthanded. That on top of all the new company's new rules. Today I let the office manager have it. I am surprised that I was not fired for mouthing off to her. It is not like me to mouth off to authority figures but I was at the end of my rope. Now all of a sudden the bosses are trying to be nice to us on the nursing staff. I wonder why. I am just glad it is the weekend.

[waterknob1234]

Recently I just feel like giving in and giving up. I am beyond tired, mentally and physically. My body feels like I've had it. I keep getting sick. My shoulder is hurting again. I cannot afford another doctor visit and another injection in my shoulder. I feel like I am over the edge.

There are a few things that keep me going. One is my dog. Another is all the kindness from friends here on pc. Still yet another is the friends I have at church. I have to learn to see the good stuff, in spite of the difficulties.

[artichack]

Man can I relate...now in my early fifties...I feel all of the effects of baseball...football...skiing....basketball...running....WORK....Iv'e put off fixing all that's wrong....mostly because of the cost like you said.....Glad you stuck up for yourself at work....hope you crested the top,,,,better things to come.....

[artichack]

And...I love my two dogs.......they have seen the best and worst of me......always there with a wagging tail....inquisitive eyes.....gentle licks......loving regardless ....

[Frankbtl]

Hi waterknob, that day could have highlighted the stress you were under to your manager, and understandable stress from all the extra pressure on you. So maybe they talked to your bosses in a good way about the pressure???
You're right mouthing of could get you fired, but I'm wondering if you could maybe be a bit more "forceful" in general when they are making "unrealistic demands" on you?????
Glad things have got a bit better with the bosses though........just if things are really hard, don't forget your health (mental and physical) is worth way more than any job. And if in the longrun it's going to lead to you needing to be off anyway..........
And if you need time off sick sometime, no trying to work through it, OK??
No-one's superhuman, and if working is only going to make it worse..........
Still, hope you have a better weekend!!! Try just making the most of it, yes?? You deserve it!!!

Alison

[waterknob1234]

(trigger)
(/trigger)
I am having a difficult time today. I am off work but I am exhausted. I am searching for reasons to live, reasons to stay here. Having sui thoughts.

[bluekoi]

Hi waternob1234 you almost have it right. Use square brackets, like this []. They are located beside the p key.

Possible trigger:

scary stuff

[Frankbtl]

Hi waterknob
You know that you underneath all those feelings is an amazing person, someone to fight for, right??
Although those feelings might be overwhelming you right now/almost all you can see feel, there is another side, a side you can reach, where those feelings can ease with support. Where you can feel better about yourself/about things around you that you can cherish, that can give you real meaning. Past, beyond, over and above those feelings.
And you have found your way out before, I know it seriously isn't easy, but you do have it in you.
And as for reasons.......I'd say that maybe you do have things which can strengthen you in moving through/finding your way through the way you're feeling........maybe not easily, maybe not quickly but.........things to hold onto........maybe your faith, maybe recognizing your strength, maybe family..........????
But things that are going to have a meaning to you, just keep on the fight to let them come through, hey??

Alison

((((((waterknob))))))

You can get through this, you are such a good person and deserve to feel better If you want to chat remember I am only a pm away!

[waterknob1234]

Sorry for being so needy today. One problem I had was that I was alone all day except for the company of my dog. I always say I want time to myself and then when I am alone I think too much. I also felt sick all day today. Bronchitis made a return visit. Then I was so tired I could hardly move off the sofa. I forced my self to go for a walk in a nearby park and I forced myself to walk my dog.

[/trigger I could barely complete my walks and I just wondered if I was slowly dying. I am not afraid to die but I just do not want to suffer.]

I was going to color my hair but I just don't have the energy. I am hoping I will have more energy by tomorrow so I can serve at church. Then I have to be able to function at work on Monday.

I appreciate all my friends here. Ya'll are wonderful.

[waterknob1234]

I am not too computer literate. I can't seem to get the hang of the new trigger. Sorry.

[eggplantlife]

Hey waterknob1234,
Hope you are resting well. Dogs are the greatest!
You know i am doing the thing where i turn thing to positive, maybe pat yourself on the back for surviving and getting through the week. Good for you for speaking up.

:

[Frankbtl]

Hi waterknob, it certainly sounds like you needed the rest
I'm sorry it's been so hard on you though, although really well done on managing to make it up to walk your dog!!! I'm sure you got some appreciation from her/him for that too!!!
Hopefully you've made it to church, and it's helped a bit????
And please don't apologize for being "needy", you deserve support and we're here for you.
And you know what, well be here for you next week as well if it's tough at work.

Alison

[Sirensong18]

I'm sorry you had a bad day waterknob1234. I hope next week is better!

Nurses are the most under appreciated and over worked profession, in my personal opinion. My mother was a nurse, and she sure as hell didn't make enough money for the kinds of things she did to help people, the kinds of life and death decisions she was expected to make at a moments notice, or the level of responsibility for care that was expected and that she provided.

I just want to give you a shout out. You are appreciated! You are valued! You are important, and worthy of being treated with dignity and respect. Hugs.

[waterknob1234]

Today has been a little better. I am still suffering bronchitis, but I went to church this morning. I enjoyed working with my handicapped adults there. I still haven't gotten some stuff done that needs to be done, but I am just too tired.

[Frankbtl]

Hey waterknob, less pressure on yourself, hey??!!!
Today was a little better........you made it to church.........you enjoyed working with your adults!!!!! Now that is so good, and well done you on managing that!!!
So the other stuff.........give yourself a break, you've done great. Maybe you'll squeeze in something/s of that stuff that's a bit more important later..........but if not, it can still be OK, can't it??? You can only do so much.
What you've really needed was some real quality time, and it sounds like you got a bit of that today. And good that things are a little better too
Alison

[waterknob1234]

Possible trigger:

I am dying. I can't take it anymore. I need a way out.. I don't want to live like this anymore.

[Frankbtl]

Hi waterknob, I'm really sorry this is hurting so much
I'm guessing another bad day at work (or just another day at work!!) adding to the way you've been feeling???
Do you think it might help to look at the possibility of you not working there (and in that I'm not saying hang on in there while you're job hunting)???
I'm not saying that may be the answer to all your problems, obviously depression can go so much deeper than that........but maybe, despite everything else, it could help just a bit.......or enough to start to help???
Because there is more than the way you're feeling right now, you know that right?? So much more!!! And you deserve that!!!
So time to put yourself first?? Time to look at more options?? A job isn't worth feeling like this for (any job!!) or contributing to the way you feel right now.
Perhaps, pretend you're unemployed as a fact, and look for all the possibilities from there, have your husband involved too.........and look at options for health care/medical help/medication, look at possibilities for different jobs, look at therapists on a sliding scale, look at downsizing in accommodation, look at whatever might be bothering you about not working there......there may be more possibilities than you think...........at least more manageable possibilities than you think, compared to the way you're feeling now!!!

Alison

[waterknob1234]

Thanks Alison. You figured it out. It was a real bad day at work. We are short handed and I don't know when they are going to hire someone else to work. On top of that the schedule was overloaded. Co-workers had bad attitudes. Then I made mistakes being in a hurry and that is not good. I felt so bad about my mistakes. I got upset about one thing and then it seemed like everything went wrong.

I am currently applying for other jobs but I have not found a new one yet. I stay exhausted, sick, (physically, not just emotionally). I wish I could afford to take some time off and just not work for a while. However, this is something I cannot afford to do financially. An interesting thing though, if I had no job and no insurance, I would be eligible to go receive care at our local community health clinic on a sliding scale. Right now I am not eligible for this care and I cannot afford a psychiatrist and therapist. Interesting.

I will have to look at my options soon as I cannot keep going like this.

Thank you for your kindness. It means a lot.