why do i miss them?

i feel really stupid right now. i havent talked to my sister or my older brother in over amonth now, stopped talking to them because they tend to make me feel worse.... telling me to just quit the self pity and get my s**t together and all that. the last time i talked to my brother he told me straght up that he doesnt believe in clinical depression, that anyone can make themselves happy if they think positive.

so why do i miss them? its so stupid to miss people who only bring you down but i do anyway. even though i still have one brother i talk to i miss my sister and other brother. i want to call my sister so bad even though i know i'll just get another earful. i just wish i knew why i even give a damn. it's ridiculous. maybe i'm just a masochist or something.

sorry just wanted to get that out.

Nothing wrong with wanting a relationship with them. Lots wrong with contacting them right now. It sucks that they are so toxic for you. Wishing there was a way for them to see the light and try to understand you, so that you all could have a relationship.

thank you direction....... i just get frustrated with myself b/c even though i know what the result will be if i call still part of me wants to. not going to though. i have some hope for the future for me and my sister..... not so much for my brother and me. sucks but he's just never gonna get it i don't think.

Hello Bella,
I am sorry you are struggling at this time regarding the relationship with your family. sometimes people write letters to someone they do not get along with, just to be able to cope with the pain they have to endure in trying to have a relationship with that person. Sending the letters is your option, but at least in writing the letters you are letting your feelings out, and are able to move on without having to feel withdrawn or helpless in having a real relationship with someone that is hard to get along with. I hope things get better for you soon Bello. Take care and good day. Soidhonia

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Direction said:
Nothing wrong with wanting a relationship with them. Lots wrong with contacting them right now. It sucks that they are so toxic for you. Wishing there was a way for them to see the light and try to understand you, so that you all could have a relationship.

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Good post, quoted for truth ... I hope it gets better for you

thanks soidhonia..... the letter idea is a good one. i wrote a letter to my dad once, and also my oldest brother but they are both dead. never really thought about doing it with someone alive. dont think i'd manage to send them but it might help just to get it out.

thank you too dsf.... i hope things get better for you too with your sleeping.....

Bella,
You miss them because you love them and they are your family. I have a similar situation. I have not spoken to my brother since christmas. He has not called and neither have I. We didn't have a fight or anything but things have been rough for me and I need to be away from him at these times because he is too negative. He also thinks psychology is crap. Soooooo I will see him this summer I am sure, and it will be like nothing ever happened.

You are just taking care of yourself at this difficult time. Keep up the good work.

I am limiting my contact with my parents right now as I feel it is best for both them and for me. In the past, going to them for help just exacerbated my past which just made it worse.

Take care of you.

thanks to sister and secret....... i know its for the best for me to not be in touch with them right now..... especially my brother..... but also my sister has a 7 yo daughter and i feel like in avoiding my sister i'm also avoiding my niece, who is a great little kid and blameless in this. maybe i should send my niece a letter, i bet she'd love that. but then my sister'd probably feel hurt or left out or something. sigh.

seems ironic that the 2 family members who were most understanding, mom and oldest brother, are both dead now. miss them most of all but that one's unfixable.

What have you decided regarding the niece? Just be cautious as the toxins my get to her and letters and emails would most likely be guarded by your sister.

Letting some time pass may be best...

hi direction, i havent tried contacting my niece at all..... i don't believe my sister would ever talk bad about me to her daughter, i doubt she could ever be so cruel....... i just worry that my sister will be upset if i contact my niece and not her. like she'll feel ignored. i'm just going to hold off for now i think, although i miss the kid alot. she loves me and doesn't judge, with that purity that only children seem to have. i just hope she doesnt feel hurt or ignored by me.

I think that is a good decision.