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  #1  
Old May 07, 2007, 10:59 PM
ThinkingOutLoud's Avatar
ThinkingOutLoud ThinkingOutLoud is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2006
Posts: 17
Okay, so I thought I was over the rape, but apparently I'm not. Me and some friends drank over the weekend and I couldn't help but watch the flashbacks over and over again in my head. I couldn't stop the tears from rushing down my face. I decided to take a nap and when I woke up, I felt a little better.

How can I ever get over this? Even if it's just a little bit of restitution for myself...

I won't report him, and I see him everyday in school. He doesn't know that what he did is affecting me this bad. And I don't plan on telling him.....or should I...maybe me confronting him is the solution. If I talk to him and tell him what he did was wrong and it hurt me in so many different ways, maybe it will make me stronger and give me some sort of antidote to this suffering. I just don't know how to handle this depression that rides on my back every single day I'm alive.

Any suggestions?

P.S. Don't tell me to report him. It's never going to happen...

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  #2  
Old May 07, 2007, 11:14 PM
Anonymous28301
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im so so sorry i know how hard it can be to get flashbacks and to just feel that it is happening again and again and again

do u see a T about this even school counsellor
they can help u to discuss about how u feel at school with him around and maybe give u the strength to help heal

i have never reported any of the abuse i got
so i wont tell u to do that that is up to u if u want that to happen

i really do think u need to be able to feel safe at school thou
having him in ur environment is very scary thought

reach out to a counsellor and if there is none a teacher that u can trust

safe gentle hugs to u ThinkingOutLoud
  #3  
Old May 07, 2007, 11:29 PM
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((((((((((((((((thinking outloud))))))))))))))))

sending you warm and safe, caring hugs. if you are strong enough to confront him do it for yourself, if you dont report him, he may strike again, but no pressure, follow your senses, always here to help having been through this myself honey.

take care and follow bronees advice about talking to someone you trust.

love -- --
  #4  
Old May 08, 2007, 04:01 PM
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Wants2Fly Wants2Fly is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2004
Location: Southeast Florida
Posts: 3,355
Hello ThinkingOutLoud -- You really must talk with someone, be it a school counselor, minister, youth group mentor, trusted teacher, or a rape crisis counseling center.

My gut-level reaction to you confronting him is not to do so. What if he just laughs at you or says something cruel, such as "You know you wanted it." That would be unbearable for you right now.

This is a very hard situation for you, and my heart goes out to you.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((TOL))))))))))))))))))))))))
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  #5  
Old May 10, 2007, 10:22 PM
ThinkingOutLoud's Avatar
ThinkingOutLoud ThinkingOutLoud is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2006
Posts: 17
I can't help but get flashbacks at the most random times. Especially when they ruin my happiness. Ofcourse I have to act like there's nothing wrong with him, but it's so hard to do that. He think's I'm upset with him for the something that's not remotely close to the fact that he constantly took advantage of me. I see him everyday, and sometimes I hug him to make people not see that there's something weird between us. But he tends to touch me inappropriately. That hurts. Sometimes I like to feel pain as a way to punish myself. I've tried cutting, but that doesn't help. I guess alcohol and drug abuse is one way. And then sometimes I'll tell my friends to randomly punch me in my arm to feel pain and forget about the past...
  #6  
Old May 11, 2007, 10:55 AM
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Wants2Fly Wants2Fly is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2004
Location: Southeast Florida
Posts: 3,355
Dear Thinking Out Loud -- Please find someone to talk with. Pretending everything is all right is not working for you, according to what you yourself have posted here.

Hugging him to pretend everything is all right does not sound like a course of action for you, especially as it perpetuates the inappropriate touching. Please find a rape crisis line.

Rape and Incest National Hotline

Adolescent and Adult Surivors of Sexual Trauma

Boys & Girls Town:Call with any problem 24/7 every day of the year
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  #7  
Old May 13, 2007, 08:43 PM
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Robyn222 Robyn222 is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2007
Posts: 47
One thing to be aware of is that guys who do this are almost always repeat offenders. Keep that in mind.

One of the best treatments for Ptsd (Post raumatic stress disorder), which it definitely sounds like you have, is EMDR. It is used extensively by the Veteran's Administration. However, first off, you need to talk to someone about what happened--just to break the silence for yourself. There have been some good suggestions here about doing that.
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