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  #1  
Old Oct 15, 2015, 11:52 AM
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jman197 jman197 is offline
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Member Since: May 2015
Location: flint
Posts: 111
I just don't understand why everything that happens to me happens. I have no way of getting a job in my hometown and I don't have the money to move or the desire to move. I have a horrible past and I just don't give a crap anymore. How is it selfish to want to save others the hurt of dealing with me? Who says its a bad thing if its the only way out? When everyone knows you're just a lost cause, and they act like you aren't to keep you around. When all you do is lie and hide and fake your way through life. Why shouldn't I research and try to find ideas? Why shouldn't I write my note and plan it out? Why shouldn't I try?
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  #2  
Old Oct 15, 2015, 12:18 PM
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Alone & confused Alone & confused is offline
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Location: Arkansas
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jman197 View Post
I just don't understand why everything that happens to me happens. I have no way of getting a job in my hometown and I don't have the money to move or the desire to move. I have a horrible past and I just don't give a crap anymore. How is it selfish to want to save others the hurt of dealing with me? Who says its a bad thing if its the only way out? When everyone knows you're just a lost cause, and they act like you aren't to keep you around. When all you do is lie and hide and fake your way through life. Why shouldn't I research and try to find ideas? Why shouldn't I write my note and plan it out? Why shouldn't I try?
Well, I said so! It's not a good idea, it's not the only way and if I had to guess I would suspect that you already know this in your heart of hearts. I believe what you really want, need and deserve is for someone to reach out to you and tell you your life means something to them, and that you have value. So here it is! There is NO ONE here at PC who will tell you this is a good idea! Every single one of us are pulling for you! If you don't have someone close to you who will tell you you're important to them, WE WILL. I don't know what all you're going through right now, but please let us help you get through it! Talk it out here, ok? You must have joined this site for support and understanding so please let us provide that to you. Will you??
  #3  
Old Oct 15, 2015, 12:20 PM
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jman197 jman197 is offline
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Member Since: May 2015
Location: flint
Posts: 111
you know what i just realized something. no one cares how i feel so why should i even ask for help. i give up I just give up because no one in real life cares

Last edited by jman197; Oct 15, 2015 at 12:21 PM. Reason: needed editing
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  #4  
Old Oct 15, 2015, 12:27 PM
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Mountainbard Mountainbard is offline
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I'm sorry you're going through hard times jman. Believe it or not the hurt of losing you would be greater than the hurt of dealing with you. And it may seem like the only way out, but ultimately it's a selfing act, as well as a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I would say the biggest reason you shouldn't try is because you might succeed, and then you'll never know what life has in store-- and I guarantee you it's better than you have now. So keep reaching out for help, call a suicide hotline if you need to, be safe, and be gentle with yourself.
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Stay calm, be kind, have hope, love lots, and be well.

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  #5  
Old Oct 15, 2015, 12:34 PM
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vital vital is offline
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Originally Posted by jman197 View Post
you know what i just realized something. no one cares how i feel so why should i even ask for help. i give up I just give up because no one in real life cares
I care jman.

Isn't there something in life that you can enjoy right now? Vanilla ice cream? A walk in the brisk fall air? A song? The smell of a pumkin pie? Having a nice nap? When I feel bad, I head for the present moment and purely sensory experiences.

- vital
Thanks for this!
SoupDragon
  #6  
Old Oct 15, 2015, 12:40 PM
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Alone & confused Alone & confused is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2014
Location: Arkansas
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jman197 View Post
you know what i just realized something. no one cares how i feel so why should i even ask for help. i give up I just give up because no one in real life cares
Look, I don't even know you but I care! And if I do then surely someone in your real life does! And we won't know how you feel if you don't talk to us. So please, give it a try ok?
  #7  
Old Oct 15, 2015, 01:29 PM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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I know I don't even know you but I care

I like Vital's ideas
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  #8  
Old Oct 16, 2015, 01:46 AM
caroleann2 caroleann2 is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: Austin
Posts: 3
Jman, I am so sorry that you are feeling so down. Obviously, I don't know you or the specifics of your situation, but my gut reaction is that you would benefit from an immediate change of scenery, like right away.

You need to just get out, go somewhere you never go, like the library, a museum, a walk through totally different town, anything to get your head into a different space for a little while. If you normally drink coffee, have tea instead. If you normally wear a t-shirt and sweats, put on something nice instead. If you normally sit in front of the computer and vege out, turn the darned thing completely off and go to a Barnes & Noble and walk the racks, read a little of this and that, be amongst the 3D people. Just start mixing things up and giving your brain a chance to get out of its usual groove. Don't overthink it, just do it first thing in the morning.

Aside from the above, I hope you don't mind my asking why you believe you can't get a job in your town. Is there a specific type of job that you feel is not available to you in your town or do you mean literally any job at all? The reason I ask this is, maybe you're stuck on one specific profession and it hasn't worked out for you for whatever reason. Maybe any old job right now would be the right job for you, for right now. It doesn't mean that you're giving up on the job/profession you wanted to have. It just means that the timing isn't right for it now. I think there must be something you could do in your town that would allow you to make a little money, get out of the house, have a reason to get up, get dressed and be productive.

Lastly, have you ever gone on the website meetup.com? You could plug in your town and see what sorts of meetups there are in your area. Some meetups are for groups that want to go hiking, or groups that want to discuss philosophy or groups that want to learn to cook. It could be anything, but the main thing would be for you to do something you normally wouldn't do and would have a million reasons why you wouldn't do it, but you just shove yourself kicking and screaming out of this groove that you're in by changing the script.

I hope this helps you and anyone else on this board who may read it. It has helped me. It's like George Costanza said on Seinfeld -- Do the opposite!
  #9  
Old Oct 17, 2015, 12:58 AM
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SoupDragon SoupDragon is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2010
Location: in a cave
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Their inability to show they care is down to them, not you. Is there any local volunteering you can do? I have just started some and in the absence of care for me, it has been useful showing care for the disabled kids I work with.

Take care of you.
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  #10  
Old Oct 20, 2015, 10:09 PM
emijec emijec is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 226
Hey, there's nothing wrong with the way you feel . but you are not yourself and you should give it a chance. I don't know you but it pains me you feel this way? can you take a moment to tell us your life story? and maybe we can start helping you that way? even if it's online. depression to me always has a cause, something in life that triggers it and bleed through the rest of our lives. maybe talking about what you've gone through may start the baby steps to being part of this world again . I have hope for you.
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