i want to stop being a loser but i don't know how. I am 37 years old and it feel s like it's too late and i don't even know where to begin anyway. Anyone else feel like this?

[Ruftin]

I'm a loser Illegal Toilet. I hope it helps you to know you're not alone.

[OneInBillions]

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

i want to stop being a loser but i don't know how. I am 37 years old and it feel s like it's too late and i don't even know where to begin anyway. Anyone else feel like this?

Yeah. I'm 30 but still... I've felt like a loser for a long time. It doesn't help that I'm pretty much totally isolated and unemployed. I feel like a useless, broken person.

I know I should start exercising, eating right, losing weight and all that. My psychiatrist and therapists told me so. But I've always hated exercise; I hate getting sweaty or out of breath because kids in school used to tease me about it all the time. And it's so uncomfortable.

So I just kind of stay the way I am, even though I'm morbidly obese. But even if I could do all that... I still don't think I'd be able to talk to people or make friends. I would still be a loser.

My answer is to use Goalist to try and organise my life so that I don't always regret lying in bed and doing nothing. I will try again tonight.

Originally Posted by OneInBillions

Yeah. I'm 30 but still... I've felt like a loser for a long time. It doesn't help that I'm pretty much totally isolated and unemployed. I feel like a useless, broken person.

I know I should start exercising, eating right, losing weight and all that. My psychiatrist and therapists told me so. But I've always hated exercise; I hate getting sweaty or out of breath because kids in school used to tease me about it all the time. And it's so uncomfortable.

So I just kind of stay the way I am, even though I'm morbidly obese. But even if I could do all that... I still don't think I'd be able to talk to people or make friends. I would still be a loser.

I kind of wish I were you because the answer is clear. Losing all that weight will improve your life dramatically.

It's never too late to try.

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

i want to stop being a loser but i don't know how. I am 37 years old and it feel s like it's too late and i don't even know where to begin anyway. Anyone else feel like this?

Yep, started feeling like this at about 23. Many hugs.

[Ruftin]

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

i want to stop being a loser but i don't know how. I am 37 years old and it feel s like it's too late and i don't even know where to begin anyway. Anyone else feel like this?

I guess feeling like a loser doesn't equate I'm a loser. Perhaps we need to adjust our perspective. None of us is really a loser.

[Fuzzybear]

Yeah, I'm a "loser" too

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Yeah, I'm a "loser" too

I don't mean to oppose, but I don't think so, not one bit. You provide so much love and support at PC on so many forums, I just can't agree with that statement at all!

[Detective L Ryuzaki]

I can't help by feel this way myself. My good moods are especially important to me.

[francisR]

hi

I suppose in a sense depression steals away our lives in that it prevents us from achieving our full potential and in varying degrees that makes us all losers. However, perhaps it is useful to focus on the good things in your life. Perhaps your pussycat and other things that you are grateful for. Also to recall anything you have achieved in life. One certain thing you have achieved this that you have kept going. Despite all of these difficulties, which is a great credit to you because it is so difficult to do. Perhaps it is useful to consider what you would like to achieve and to make a list and to start off with the easiest one even breaking it down into baby steps and to keep going till it is achieved, and that will build the confidence to tackle even more difficult things. Perhaps also having good medication for depression and good coping strategies from a therapist to deal with symptoms would help matters. Also. I hope and pray everything gets better for you in the future. Take care. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis

[JohnCrow]

I am almost 50 years old, have never had a relationship, no job last more than 7 years, no hope, no prospects, my 'friends' think I am a joke when we play games, I don't make new friends easy, the only person who respected me died of brain cancer, my mother is a narcissistic sociopath (to be fair, caused by medical issues), and yet, somehow, people think I have nothing to be depressed about

This is after I have explained, AGAIN, that depression is not sadness

Sadness is a normal reaction to an upsetting event. It is healthy.

Depression is not the opposite of happiness, depression is the opposite of vitality

Originally Posted by JohnCrow

Depression is not the opposite of happiness, depression is the opposite of vitality

I'm glad you brought it up. Depression is actually the closest thing to happiness. It's false happiness. Just like hate is the closest thing to love, it's false love. On the surface they look exactly the same. People with depression often have a lot to live for in their lives, and onlookers are stunned to learn that that person is so unhappy. It's because there is something, just one thing missing to make the whole thing work, one key to unlock it all. So close, but yet extremely far. And yet to solve it, you have to change everything, even when just one thing is missing to make it all work. It's truly mind-boggling.

[Marla500]

I totally get it, I feel the same way. I read this quote though and I'm trying to internalize it:
"You have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn't worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens." -Louise L Hay
I really like this. Not that it's easy, but I like the total shift in thinking!

[waterknob1234]

I, too, feel like a loser. You are not alone. I am 53.

Originally Posted by Marla500

"You have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn't worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens."

I tried adopting something like this in my life, and there was always something that happened that "brought me down to earth" again.

[Tauren]

Depression makes everyone feel like a loser.

[francisR]

Hi Illegal.

I don't think you are a loser anyone like yourself who keeps going despite depression and difficulties has courage true grit and perseverance. You only lose when you give up altogether which is something you haven't done.

Getting a good therapist such as CBT or acceptance and commitment therapy and googling one for your area would give you this therapy skills to bring depression. Under control. Self-help literature on this would be available in the public library or could be bought from Amazon or eBay. Training yourself in the use of the skills will bring depression. Under control. And that will allow you to move forward with your life. Take care. I hope and pray everything improves for you soon. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis

[Marla500]

Originally Posted by StbGuy

I tried adopting something like this in my life, and there was always something that happened that "brought me down to earth" again.

I'm sorryit won't cure us, it just helped me feel a little more hopeful and gave me a bit of momentary relief

Originally Posted by Marla500

I'm sorryit won't cure us, it just helped me feel a little more hopeful and gave me a bit of momentary relief

I'm sorry, I didn't want to be negative, it is very good advice. I've just been unlucky.

[dillpickle1983]

I'm 32 and feel like a complete loser. No matter what I do I seem to always screw things up.

Originally Posted by JohnCrow

I am almost 50 years old, have never had a relationship, no job last more than 7 years, no hope, no prospects, my 'friends' think I am a joke when we play games, I don't make new friends easy, the only person who respected me died of brain cancer, my mother is a narcissistic sociopath (to be fair, caused by medical issues), and yet, somehow, people think I have nothing to be depressed about

Reading this makes me realise that perhaps things will never get better. I don't have any friends never had a relationship or a job that has lasted more than 2 years. Maybe things will continue like this for the rest of my existence so I should just stop whining and accept things for what they are, or try to change things. One or the other.

[francisR]

[ hi , Illegal

We are what we think we are. If we think we are good. Then we are good, and if we think we are not good. Then we are not as we see things but perhaps not as others see things.
You have kept going despite all of the difficulties it takes a lot of courage perseverance and grit to do that because it is so difficult and losers do not have that quality. They simply give up. So perhaps the thing to do is to build confidence. Call to mind everything you have ever achieved, and that proves you are not a loser. Also set small baby step goals and their achievement will build confidence that you can do things and get them right. It is useful to have a purpose in life. That could be a charitable cause, or indeed something that fired you up in the past reconnecting with which could give real purpose to your life. I hope and pray today will be really good for you. Take care. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Originally Posted by Ruftin

I'm a loser Illegal Toilet. I hope it helps you to know you're not alone.

I am Spartacus