I give up!

Was to pdoc today. Med. insurance won’t pay for a procedure he thinks I should have. Was to T last week. Med. insurance won’t pay for a program she thinks I should go into. If I could, I would like to grab the Med. insurance company by the balls and squeeze really really hard. (Sorry, I think that may be a sexist remark and it wasn’t meant to be.)
Mental illness is a joke! Oh, it is very real to those of us who have it, but to the rest of the world??????????? My pdoc says he cares about me, he’s very concerned about my mental state. “Are you safe?” B___ S___! I’m his patient. I’m paying the bill. I’ve been his patient a few years now. He is running out of options. Give me a break. But to make him feel better I made my next appointment. Ha!
My T says I can’t give up. She likes me too (wow). We’ll work together to get me through this. “Think about all the people who will miss you.” She hasn’t lost one yet. Well there is always a first time. I made my next appointment with her also just to play the game.
I quit! The how, when, where? NO. Do I know all the details? NO I would never post them on PC. Do I want to hurt the people I know and love, friends and family? NO Will I see my next birthday?
I’ve made myself a promise. No matter how low I feel, no matter how bad thing get, I will dance at my youngest son’s wedding. After that all bets are off. Besides I'm out of breath!

Being a guy - I still know what you mean - I would like to do the same sometimes to the insurance company - I've spent to many hours getting EOB's corrected.

I too hate how pdocs and T's boast that they haven't lost a patient and of course bring up family - so you fell as guilty as H*ll!

They just don't understand the pain, the darkness that is all consuming!

(((((((((Keb)))))))))))) Can you change doctors? If you're not happy with them then why do you stay with them? Don't tell me-med. insurance? It bites that you're feeling this bad. I hope you stick around loooong after your youngest son's wedding. You know, he's probably going to have little babies who'll want to slobber all over you and pull your hair. You HAVE to be there for that, too. Right?
Try to hang in there. I know it's not always easy-but it's going to be okay. You're going to be fine.

((Keb))

I agree with Pickle, just think of all the surprises and the wonders of life yet to come. I know it's hard for you to see it all right now, but you can do this. We love you. Are you feeling any better today?

kebby our sweet froggy friend
((((keb))))
im happy to start a froggy fundraiser and wash cars to make money to pay for all of what u need
whatever it takes to get u better

take care sweet froggy

(((((Direction)))))

(((((Pickle)))))

(((((Fayerody)))))

(((((Meander)))))

(((((BrOnEe)))))

Thank you all so much for your thoughts and kind words.

BrOnEe, somehow I can't see my favorite snow muffin standing knee deep in snow washing cars. Is that frost bite I see on you nose? LOL Thanks so much for offer to help.

Hi Keb, has the doctor or therapist written a letter to the insurance company explaing the necessity of the procedure and program? That is part of the insurance game. Make sure you appeal and make sure they write a letter.

Im not very fond of doctors or insurance companies myself and feel that they will get their own circle of hell down the line.

As far as missing you, your therapist is right. People will miss you. IN real life, here, whoever you touch in life. I think a lot more people like you than you give yourself credit for. YOu seem to me to be very personable and intelligent. Dont sell yourself short. And as much as it sucks really it is not right for us to do that to other people. They will always feel that they should have done something, when they have no way of knowing what now.

I agree with the letter to the insurance company...

((((((((((((((((((keb))))))))))))))))))

sorry only just seen this post can i send you a late hug?

love ya, most caring frog i ever knew more of an angel i think.

kerry xoxoxoxoxox

((((((((((((((( keb ))))))))))))))))

Heyjoe, Thanks for your post.

Yes I know about the letters and phone calls. Both my pdoc and T have stepped up for me. But down in the very very fine print of med. insurance policies is this thing called "life time limit" (not sure those are the exact words). In both cases I would exceed my life time limit. That means as long as I pop pills, go to regular therapy sessions, and even visit the phsyc hospital ocassionally (for stablization) they pay their share. Anything that might really help the patient, screw it!

The fact that I would hurt people I care deeply about and who really care about me weighs heavily on my soul. I quess I'm just being selfish and selfcentered but I hurt. A deep down gut wrenching kind of pain that never stops and I'm weak. I just can't take any more.
Thanks for listening.

(((((Direction)))))

(((((Jinnyann)))))

(((((Fuzzy)))))

I appreciate you all taking the time to read my post. Thanks so much.

Lifetime limits are usally around a million if they put one on it. Do you know where you stand on the limit?

(((((((((((keb)))))))))))))))

i share your gut wrenching deep pain and i'm holding your hand so we have each other. i just about give up too with the uk mental health crap. howe i'm going to get through to june 18 feeling like this i'll never know. i think i will end up being put away long before then. love you babe, stay with me i'll hold onto you and you hold on to me.

jinnyann xoxoxoxoxo

I can totally understand what you're going through! All these therapists, doctors are all in it for the money. These people and insurance companies have no idea what we go through, just to get by day after day. I just went all the way to my therapy session today, just to find out that my therapist was out sick! Not even a phone call to let me know, so that I didn't have to trek all the way down there. I feel with you. I know what it's like to want to give up, I feel that way most days.
But hang in there, there's always a light somewhere.
Chin up

just keep talking here Keb , hang in there. Someone will ALWAYS listen to you here.

Direction,
I've been in the "system" a long long time. But no I don't know exactly where I stand.

The medical procedure is called VNS and involves implanting a device sort of like a pacemaker but for your brain. (I'm over simplifying) It was only recently approved by FDA for treatment of depression. To try and make a long story shorter...insurance co. won't pay and I'm not a millionaire.

Thanks

Thank you for your kind thoughts, Jinnyann.
Excuse me for being nosey but what happens on the 18th of June?
On the 22nd of June my oldest son will turn 40. OMG almost over the hill. Gee, what does that make me?? Antique!
I will hold on to your hand as long as I can but remember frogs are very slippery fellows.
Thanks again

Yes, Summerflower, some doctors and therapists are really inconsiderate. I have to say that of all the ones I have had over the years, that my current pdoc and T are the best I have had.

I know in my area a lot drs., dentist, and therapists in group practice. Call a day or 2 before the appt. to remind you of the date and time. It's a nice touch.

I'll try to keep my chin up but I don't think frogs have chins.

Dear Keb 6137 Changed your titled a tad (like tadpole LOL)
ATTENTION Everyone at PC, I know this lady from PMing alot, she is FANTASTIC. We cannot allow you to go anywhere KEB! You called yourself an "antique" well we can use all your wisdom. I haven't seen many sagging frog chins but I do know about frogs' hearts (was a Biology Teacher-21 yrs.) The hearts are very large, dominant and very distinctive. And your heart Keb is that & more; kind, compassionate and funny. You've got a lot to share & this may take oh another ~40-50 yrs. who knows???

MlpHolmes, I trust your judgement about frogs and big hearts. After all who can argue with a Biology teacher?
I've made a promise to dance at my son's wedding. So I'm not signing off today.
I'm getting very very tired. Living is getting more and more difficult. Simple, everyday decisions are becoming impossible. This time I don't think I'm going to make it my friend.