Tell me something please....

What does it matter really if I - or anyone for that matter - dies? Death is just the abscence of life - n the way I see it, that might just b a GOOD thing. So why do people get so upset about it or scared of it? I mean I understand missing the ones that pass on n etc - I still miss my mom, that isn't truly my question. It's more a question of how does the death of any one person truly impact the whole of humanity? Why does the death of any one person affect any of us as profoundly as it sometimes does? For me - my death will have little to no impact on anyone when it comes, but there have been those that have passed whose oassing has had a huge impact on me. So - being that death is just the abscence of life n that is really a good thing - why is death viewed so negatively?

I think people fear not knowing if there's even an other side , if they'll continue to exist and be aware as we are when we are alive. I think your life would have impact, you never know what people you come in contact with ... one slight interaction or words said or time spent with someone else can dramatically alter their future. we've made it this far down the ancestral line... our genes have survived this far. I think you're an important person bc your being here in this planet right now will have some positive impact on someone else even if you don't see it down the line .

Thank you for saying that but really the few people I have touched forget me quickly n my family has all but forgotten me already n rl friends are non-existant, truly my death would be inconsequential - but that is ok. I no longer need to be important or matter to anyone - I know who n what I am within myself, if I ever lose sight of that, then perhaps it is time I search for new answers - either way - I know myself to be insignificant n yet I remain significant to myself and that in itself is enough.

No one likes the idea of losing someone they love. And you admitted that yourself.

It's good for you that you seem to have made your peace with the fact that death just happens (or so I understood from what you wrote), however every person in this world is different, and what makes sense to one person might not ring any bells for the one sitting next him/her.

I find it hard to understand why you're asking "why is death viewed so negatively?" or saying things like "death is just the abscense of life" and "that's really a good thing".

But I know that sometimes it's not a matter of understanding why, just accepting it.

There may be nothing in life for some, but certainly there's nothing in death for anyone. That's my take on this whole life/death subject.

You may find part of your answer there if you think about it. As for the negative impact of the absence of life... one is that if you and I were dead we wouldn't be having this dialogue The death of others in my life has an impact on my life because I miss them. It also makes me sad for them that they are no longer alive. Life is all there is.

So it boils down to theological belief - even though most of us admit to misery in life, we prefer to not be happy for the one who left the misery behind but rather to keep our thoughts focused on our own grief - even those of us who may believe in a afterlife. To me, that's thought provoking...

As to your statement, George H., yes there have been deaths I have been profoundly affected by - deaths that occured when I was young and continue to affect me still - and that is part of what puzzles me. I know my mom (the one who passed) to be in no more misery n yet I cannot find a way to be happy for her. I know myself to not truly be a selfish person - but yet the fact that I cannot be happy she has no more pain is in itself selfish in some core ways. Whether or not I choose to miss my mom should not truly have an impact on the rejoicing for her release of misery and for the life she lived. I can still miss her and still rejoice for and because of her - yet I don't. The reason I say it's viewed negatively - when someone knows they or another will die, they become angry or sad or scared - all negative emotions. Again, death is a abscence of life, life is full of misery - you don't have to rejoice in the knowledge of its end about to come (which all life eventually does so the only difference is some ppl have an idea when their end will be) but you can also decide to be at peace with it rather than having so much negativity - as can those around you. Does that make sense?

The worrying about death is a western culture thing. Others, while not looking forward to, view it more naturally and even as something to celebrate.

Personally, I want a wake when I pass.

That's kinda what I was referring to rcat- thanks

I see... but you seem to be evolving the subject... which is okay. And there is some vagueness there too which does complicate things because it leaves me with no choice but to make assumptions. We all know how assumptions can be completely wrong One thing I should make clear, your apparent belief in an afterlife may complicate things. I have no religious belief so I have no set belief in an afterlife. It might be interesting to share our ideal concepts of an afterlife but that's another subject. Another thing I should make clear is that I tend to think about the deaths of animals/pets more than the deaths of humans but I'll try to stick to humans.
I don't understand your statement about choosing to miss someone. I don't make a conscious choice to miss someone. I either miss them or I don't. And there have been deaths that I have welcomed. You mention your mom having a life of misery but no specifics about the cause of the misery or her death. If she was very ill or in great pain and there was no hope of recovery I think it would be understandable to welcome her death. I don't think that would have any effect on whether you miss her or not. Both my parents were dead mentally before they died physically. I felt a sense of relief at their death because it was inevitable and there was no hope of recovery. But I can't say either death made me happy. I miss my mother. I don't miss my father. That was due to our respective relationships. My mother was a nice person. My father... not so much.
Back to the subject of death. We are all going to die no doubt. It took me a long time to really understand that in more than an intellectual way. Natural deaths may make me feel sorrow and cause grief. Sudden and unexpected tragic deaths have an entirely different effect on me. Anger and something much deeper and darker than sadness are the typical emotions. Death is inevitable but not always natural. I've been to "celebration of life" events held to remember and share the lives of people who have died. Those I can understand. But death is usually complicated for those left behind. Grief, sorrow, guilt, anger.
But I feel like I'm telling you more about my views than talking about your issue. Maybe if you were more specific? And yes, your last sentence makes sense.

Ok - so you mentioned a lot of things - I am going to try to address them all - I apologize now if I miss any.

First - yes, I personally believe in an afterlife but whether or not a person believes in an afterlife just the fact that this misery (which is life) is over, is an event worthy enough of celebration by itself - but also that the person lived and created memories to be cherished is another reason to celebrate. So whether or not a person believes in an afterlife becomes a moot point, because the beauty of the cessation of misery and of the goodness in the life they lived is now what is able to shine through rather than the daily stressors or illnesses or etc the person had to face. As far as my mom - I used her death as an example, but she had heart problems as long as I knew her. She had joy in me n my sister n her marriage to my dad but she also had several stressors. Everyone has a lot of misery in life. When life is over - whether or not an afterlife exists - those stressors cease to exists, therefore, the misery is over. People go through the mourning process you described whether the death is expected or not - but that is precisely what I am getting at - why do we go through that? Why can we not just let them go n be happy for them n celebrate the life we had with them n that they no longer have to experience the misery we know? We already know sooner or later all of us will die - that is part of the life cycle - so why do we have such a negative reaction to it? I hope that explains what I mean better?

As far as my comment about choosing to miss someone - I believe we can choose all our actions n reactions - down to thoughts n feelings if tuned in enough.

I got into a near heated argument with my mom on the concept of dying. She is a newfound Christian and adamantly believes that people were not meant to die and that death is a punishment for something someone did millennials ago. She thinks death is not natural. So infuriating is she.
I have been into the paranormal for a long time and if there is one thing I truly believe is that there is something beyond this lifetime. What happens to you may be based on cultural or religious beliefs, but even then I think it's all up to your beliefs. If you believe in reincarnation, then that may be what happens to you. Or maybe that already did happen and that's why the belief is strongly embedded into your conscious. It's also a highly recommended idea to really consider what would happen to you if you die unnaturally vs. naturally and how that happens.
It's been widely believed, and there have been some cases told, where if you take your own life you're spirit is not going to move on. I heard that there is a door gate and it's just all darkness around with line up of solemn, scared people slowly walking towards the door. Whatever is behind this door is not heaven. There isn't even a sign of heaven or a bright light. I think there is supposed to be a voice or a mysterious figure that approaches you and gives you an ultimatum: Stay to roam the Earth in Limbo, which is a very lonely plain, where you can't interact with anybody. Or go through the door and endure whatever awaits, and you know it's not good. This is because your soul is here for a purpose and you will not die naturally until that purpose is fulfilled or you feel you have done all that you can possibly do, or until your physical body can't go on anymore. If the latter happens, this is when reincarnation is likely. If you have ever met a child that has a deep, old soul and has a drive at a young age to make a difference in the world, you could be meeting an incarnate. This has by no means, anything to do with a desire to meet Mickey Mouse at Disney World. Nor is it because those people kept working late into their elder days and didn't bother to retire. Actually, those are the people that have so much passion for their work and care so much that they can't possibly see themselves retiring. They feel they are too important still. They live longer, as studies have shown compared to those who retire early.
It's very interesting how involved spirit is and that the afterlife is not that scary. I think the scariest any soul has been is staring into the gateway to a web of finality, where all souls who have fulfilled all their purposes and needs chose to go. Once you go through that gate there is no turning back and no existence after. Most souls continue to explore other options.

Thank you for sharing your beliefs - but i was referring to our reactions to death.

I see, I think Okay lets skip the philosophy, spiritual views and I'll go back to the core just to avoid further misunderstanding because I don't think we are understanding each other. You asked why is death viewed so negatively? You are very likely to get a variety of answers from each person who responds. To me death is a negative because it's the end of life, of existence. Our conscious life anyway. Hope the more basic answer helps.

That is exactly why it is a positive though - would you not agree your life is full of stress n hardship to overcome? Death - is the end of that..

For people who sees life (and death) that way, that may be true.

But like I wrote before, I think every person in this world has different beliefs.

You're implying that life is "full of stress" and "harship to overcome".

Previously you also wrote that "death is a good thing", and to me you're making it sound as if it was matter of fact, as if you're trying to convince everyone else that life isn't worth living and death is the only way to go.

It's ok to express an opinion and discuss them, but at the same time we have to remind ourselves that we are not the only ones reading these forums. There are people out there suffering from things we don't fully understand, and I can only imagine what effect those words may have on an already turmoiled mind.

Regardless, this is the way you see life (and death), and I have no intention to change that. And that's because I believe that no one has the right to try and sway opinions towards what they think is right.

No - you misunderstand me. I am confused, not trying to sway anybody of anything - if you noticed, I do have a trigger icon on this post for precisely the reasons you mentioned ... but with confusion often times comes repetition of the same phrases n ideas - I also never said life is not worth living, only that it is full of pain n stress n that death brought an end to that - you decided that meant it was not worth living. You do always have the choice to not read a post if the views contained within it upset you - that may be something to take into consideration in the future - especially when you see a post with a trigger icon.

Death seems a positive to you and I'm not sure why. Yes there is stress, hardship, disappointment, heartbreak but... there is also beauty, wonder, moments of such sublime joy that the heart can barely contain it.
But it really is as simple as I said before. Life is all we have. Death is nothingness. I don't see the allure in that. Is your life so bad? If I was a Jew at Auschwitz or a Palestinian in Gaza I might welcome the nothingness of death. But I'm neither and I don't welcome death. My life isn't great but the stress and hardships I've faced are nothing compared to that. It seems to me that hardship, pain, disappointments and all the rest are how we grow personally.
I accept that this is not your view though. There have been times when it wasn't mine either. I'm not going to try to invalidate your views. I know almost nothing of your life.
Finally, death doesn't scare me... its going to come and there's nothing I can do to prevent it. I'm not happy but I don't wish for death. There are seven cats who depend on me to feed them
I respectfully disagree. I believe we do have that right. It may even be our duty. And if it were neither I'd do it anyway.

I do no wish for death nor do I fear it - I simply don't understand the reasons we react to it as we do. To answer your question about my life - I can neither say it has been horrible nor it has been good because I believe we all have problems and any emotional pain is significant n cannot truly be measured because everyone feels pain differently - even in the same circumstances. Some may flunk a test and feel its the end of the world - while to others it doesn't bother them in the slightest; then again that test may mean the first kid goes home to be abused - or he doesn't get into the school he wants - or he may just b extremely sensitive, n the other kid is jyst carefree about it all. So yes, I have had my fair amount of death, abuse, rape, violence, control, etc (reduced down to very general n simplistic terms) in my life - but was it horrible? Just bad? Not really that bad? Really kinda good? - It all depends on the scale of pain the person I am talking to received in their lives. To me - pain is simply that - pain. I hope I make sense in all I am saying to you?

I apologize for assuming you meant it that way. I think I might have paid more attention to the things you wrote and ended up ignoring the question you asked, so my double-bad.

Also, trigger icons and other "warning" signs works the opposite to me, I find them difficult to resist, so I have to look inside and see what's what. But that is my own problem

We all make mistakes - and have curiosities (though in this case even if you open a trigger post - which i often do as well for same reason - if you are upset by it, it may be best to just leave it bc the person may really be in a bad place... ) so no harm done, thank you for your apology

Comparative qualifying or quantifying hardship faced in life probably wasn't a good idea. A child (or anyone) who is abused by someone stronger who should be helping and nurturing isn't much different than the examples I used in my post.
Those examples I used were more for comparing my life situation than yours or anyone else.

Ok - being that my mind is just totally not comprehending at the moment - I will just simply give you a general outline of my life n let you decide. The numbers in parantheses on the left will b my approximate age at the time.

(1-11) picture perfect

(12-13) mom died n i blamed myself for her death n dad pulled himself away emotionally n stacked on a ton of responsibilities financially n housekeeping n would not help w schooling n made me stay up as late as 2am doing homework if i did not understand it

(14) dad remarried n i paid for rings, i was excited about marriage but instead abuse started, violin teacher tried to molest me

(15) abuse continues, got first boyfriend - he raped me but did not truly understand it to be rape just considered it another thing that wasn't necessarily what i wanted but part of life n felt he loved me so continued to b with him

(16) abuse continues, still with bf, (possible pregnancy but dad n i get in conflict resulting in a situation that may have been a miscarriage after 3mo), got first job where i was sexually harassed to the point i feared for my safet n when i reported it to my boss she spread around rumors amongst the employees

(17) abuse continues, decide the only way i will feel true unconditional love is to have a child - discuss thos with bf - he sees ot as free sex n agrees, i become pregnant, dad tries to convince me to abort when i m 3mo along - i refuse, then he says i will adopt it out - again, i refuse, at 7mo along bf tells me he been cheating on me 2mo n when i cannot forgive him in 2wks he calls everything off n says he does not want to know when child born n will not help me, i plan to use the $10k i have saved from ss funds n work to raise child - call bank, dad closed account n spent money, ask dad for money n he wont tell me where it is - i realize i have to find parents for my son n decide on his fraternal aunt n uncle

(18) have son n give him up for adoption, 3 mo later receive phone call to babysit him - end up spending the night there n wake to overhear them discussing who to give my child to bc they r divorcing (the adoption is not final yet) so i tell them i will find the parents - n search out new parents n find a friend of my step mom to take him in, 3mo later - raped at work,

(19) victim to armed robbery at work, in car accident n lost job due to no car which ultimately led to the liss of my home n dad would not help so had to move in w aunt cross country, raped again, father of child calls to tell me he is marrying the girl he cheated on me w bc she is pregnant w a boy n he wants to keep this one

(20) got in a very controlling relationship

(21-25) lived with a psychologically abusive man

(26) coma, emotional n physical abuse

(27-30) emotionally abusive relationship

(31) lived in homeless shelter

(31-41) severe psychological n emotional abuse - just starting to repair that

So that's been my life, you decide.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply you had to explain your life or justify your views to me. I get the feeling that you aren't looking for sympathy and a hug. I'm not sure what to say that wouldn't sound trite and contrived. And I'm sure you don't want my sympathy although I have compassion for what you've been through. I can offer friendship, support, and honesty. You're intelligent. You have courage. It took courage to survive all that. It took courage to write that post. You can repair the damage. You can define your own life now. Your own future. None of us can change the past.