looking for help

15 years of depression after i went into a tail spin in life but for a few years it was controlled by meds until we

lost the family home and ended up pretty much homeless , we rent but no where to call home, before the loss of the home i lost all my weight

and was living life to the fullest even after the loss of my child but then i met a drunk man who took me on a emotional rollercoaster , right

after having a hysterectomy i met him at work and he ended up being the knife in my back i carry today i was with him 4 years of him cheating an

drinking an mentally abusing me to the point i hate myself and everything about me im 42 now and i seen him 4 years ago for the last time his

sugar momma got her retirement and he joined her to help her spend it so i got into a relationship with a manic depressant man who causes me to

be even sadder about life , he never smiles, he cant have sex so therefor its not even attempted no kissing hugging no body touching at all then

on top of that he dont even talk to me i try to leave him but im with him for pity , so that brings me to the point im at now , i dont leave my

room but to potty an shower my weight is back up i stay in bed all the time i feel totally useless and hopeless i have no future there is nothing

that makes me happy , i take 40 mg celexa have been on it for years i used to have anxiety attacks but i quit Xanax cause honestly i dont care no

more to even have a anxiety attack lol i dont know what to do im just a number in the medicaid system i need meds and help but where do i start

, i found this web site im hoping to maybe find others like me who never get out bed an feel so depressed about life that it stops u from living

, i could win the lottery tonight an i would just simply go back to bed
anyway thanks for reading

We have similar issues but not precisely the same
- I was more or less forced into placing my only child up for adoption
- I have been through several abusive/controlling relationships (last one was psychological n emotional abuse)
- my only marriage (which ended in divorce) had very little sexual contact in 7yrs (I could probably count the times on both hands)
- the abuse n lack of attention made my self esteem plummet
- I have had depression, anxiety, PTSD, BPD for many years
- the anxiety does not bother me as much anymore

I am now getting my self esteem back but still am bothered by most of the disorders I mentioned.

First, has this man ever tried to get professional help?
There are medications that can help bipolar. Secondly, have you told him of your need for physical contact - even if in the form of just hugging n kissing n holding hands? Next - does he make any effort to show how he feels about you at all? Finally - no matter what, you need to love yourself n respect yourself. Do that by remembering all the good things you have done in life - allow yourself to revel in them n celebrate them. Then think of things that will make you happy (small things at first) n come up with step by step pkans on how to get it done - celebrate each victory n decide on something else a lil bigger each time as it goes on. You will find your self esteem come flooding back. Acknowledge your mistakes too but don't focus n dwell on them - just let them be learning experiences. Then you will notice your self respect start coming back - n with the self esteem n self respect, self love comes easy .

Hello puggles1973: Welcome to PsychCentral! I'm sorry to read of your struggles. You've taken a positive step in signing onto PsychCentral. There are many knowledgeable & caring members. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more you'll gain from the time you spend here. My best wishes to you...

I agree that he needs to seek professional help if he hasn't already. As for you, life is just waytoo short to be in the situation you're in right now. You need to be with someone who cares and does want emotional and physical contact with you. I'm not trying to ignore his problems, but you have to think of yourself too.

I'm very sorry you have gone through everything you have, but you need to find something that does make you want to get out of bed every morning. Your life is certainly not over and you have to start living like that, because if you don't it will be before you can blink twice. That is how short life is and I hate anyone having to feel the way you do.

First step should definitely be to see if your partner actually wants to get help so that he can be a better partner for you and be happier in life. If he doesn't care enough to get help then you need to find someone who will be what you need in your life. Also, do you have pets? If not I really think that would be a good thing to look into, because they really do help a lot of people find more joy in life.

I wish you the very best, and I am glad you came here. We have a lot of great members who I am sure will do everything they can to help you through this.