[Cinnamon_Stick]

TRIGGER

Does anyone else struggle with suicidal thoughts around and on your birthday? Do you get so depressed about it that the last thing you want to do is celebrate it?

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[emijec]

Mmmm... I get the whole what's point of life when I'm alone, crap job, student debt, wrinkles, sinking metabolism, no kids. Man, it is crappy. That's my early 30s. yeahhhhh.... But, we are still here right? on this earth, walking around.

Is today your birthday? I hope your birthday gets better! Happy Birthday!

[Fuzzybear]

My birthday was around a month ago, and I felt much the same way. I am glad I celebrated though, despite not wanting to.

Happy birthday.

[Teddy Bear]

After you reach a certain age birthdays just aren't as fun anymore. We just look at our age and go crap I wish I were younger. I think we all have this.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

My birthday is not today it is coming up and I am struggling with sui feelings.

[FireIsland123]

My birthday is coming up in a few days and it is often very difficult. II think I've come to realize that when we were little, birthdays marked some sort of important milestone. Being one was a big deal. Two. Then Three and so on. Those milestones marked big changes. But when we became adults, these milestones became very artificial and imposed lots of expectations. If you turned 25 and weren't married or engaged, well that was a problem! No kids by 30? What are you waiting for? Stable in your career by 35-40. Financially set by your 50's. Golfing in Florida in your 60's. All artificially set - mostly by TV or meddling relatives. Well, I missed most of those milestones. And for a long time it did get me down. I was SUPPOSED to be this for that by a certain age and I'm not. I spend eight hours a day in a chicken coop of a cubicle, have a car with 210,000 miles and bad brakes and not sure what ailment is going to show up next. It got me down until I started noticing the same homeless woman on my way to my chicken coop office every day. I realized there were a few milestones she didn't hit either. I wish everyones birthday could be like the ones you see in the Hallmark ads.some are, most aren't. So I just try to be grateful for what I do have.

[JohnCrow]

Mine was end October and, for almost two years I have had this recurriing thought that I would not live to see it

Well, I did

Yay

I would expect that my birthday(s) would be something special and a big deal. For quite a few years it has not been. I get a couple of calls on my birthday, but they seem artificial. I always get a call from my good friend from college and my sister. The call from my friend is pretty good. The call I would get from my sister is usually very corny. I'd rather not talk to her. She always has to sing "Happy Birthday". It's so stupid.

Other than the calls, I would just spend a few minutes with my friend. It's OK, better than nothing. But my birthdays have never been like what kids have with their birthday parties.

There are times that ending it all can come to mind on my birthday. Lately, it seems like the older I get, the worse things are. I thought that things were supposed to get better as you get older; or entering in your "golden years".

[Septembersrain]

Every year I try to work through my birthday. I don't want to think about it, celebrate it or even have spare time to focus on it.

I'm just another year older and closer to my end. Not something I consider partying for.

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[smartiesparty]

Originally Posted by will19

I would expect that my birthday(s) would be something special and a big deal. For quite a few years it has not been. I get a couple of calls on my birthday, but they seem artificial. I always get a call from my good friend from college and my sister. The call from my friend is pretty good. The call I would get from my sister is usually very corny. I'd rather not talk to her. She always has to sing "Happy Birthday". It's so stupid.

Other than the calls, I would just spend a few minutes with my friend. It's OK, better than nothing. But my birthdays have never been like what kids have with their birthday parties.

There are times that ending it all can come to mind on my birthday. Lately, it seems like the older I get, the worse things are. I thought that things were supposed to get better as you get older; or entering in your "golden years".

^ this exactly

Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick

TRIGGER

Does anyone else struggle with suicidal thoughts around and on your birthday? Do you get so depressed about it that the last thing you want to do is celebrate it?

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

1 of the problems i have, (and have had for the long time) is feeling dis content with everything- i can't be greatful for what good things have happened in the year, i can't be greatful for what i have

so when birthday's roll around it becomes (for me), a real guilt trip.

mainly focussing on all the fails of the year, and how this year was worse than the last, and so on.

i don't celebrate, i've not celebrated my birthday for years- and when people ask me i don't even tell them when my birthday is because i simply can't be dealing with it all

what's their to celebrate.

nothing

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by will19

I would expect that my birthday(s) would be something special and a big deal. For quite a few years it has not been. I get a couple of calls on my birthday, but they seem artificial. I always get a call from my good friend from college and my sister. The call from my friend is pretty good. The call I would get from my sister is usually very corny. I'd rather not talk to her. She always has to sing "Happy Birthday". It's so stupid.


Other than the calls, I would just spend a few minutes with my friend. It's OK, better than nothing. But my birthdays have never been like what kids have with their birthday parties.


There are times that ending it all can come to mind on my birthday. Lately, it seems like the older I get, the worse things are. I thought that things were supposed to get better as you get older; or entering in your "golden years".

I can relate to all of this. No one ever remembers my birthday besides my grandmother and I can't stand her and don't want to talk to her.


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[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

1 of the problems i have, (and have had for the long time) is feeling dis content with everything- i can't be greatful for what good things have happened in the year, i can't be greatful for what i have


so when birthday's roll around it becomes (for me), a real guilt trip.


mainly focussing on all the fails of the year, and how this year was worse than the last, and so on.


i don't celebrate, i've not celebrated my birthday for years- and when people ask me i don't even tell them when my birthday is because i simply can't be dealing with it all


what's their to celebrate.


nothing

This is exactly how I feel. I feel so disconnected from everything and everyone. I just want to sleep through it and not wake up. There is nothing to celebrate.

I am glad I am not alone in feeling this way. I wish everyone could enjoy there birthday.

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Well, mine was yesterday. I turned 49 making this my 50th year.

I thought my life would be so different. While yes I still have family and two grown children I am proud to have raised, I don't have anything to show for myself. Instead of a home, career, and belongings I live on disability in a dingy apartment unable to work with few friends.

I am terrified this is the way I will be living the rest of my life.

[TishaBuv]

I think depression makes events like birthdays extra hard.

I had normal birthday parties as a child. As a teenager, my friends would take me to lunch. I had a Sweet 16. In my 20's I had various boyfriends, so I guess I celebrated. One year, I had a broken leg and my mom invited all my boyfriends over for a 'surprise' party (I pretended I wasn't in on it). It was hilarious!

I got married and was ready to give birth on my 30th birthday. Which was a really good thing for my peace of mind.

But after that my birtdays and all holidays became a nightmare. My husband was clueless about how to act and disappointed me constantly. The struggles between us or my mother or his parents left me hysterically crying nearly every holiday for the past 20 years!

My 40th was the worst. Even though I really had very few friends, and even less true friends at that, I wanted a party. I asked my husband to make me a surprise party because I felt stupid making my own party. He was clueless and wouldn't do anything. My mother refused to help him or even to come to a party with my friends. I cried non-stop for a month while planning my own party. I know it's stupid and vain. My so-called friends did me a favor by coming. We made a dinner party at a nice nightclub with surf and turf. One couple, doctors, said they forgot to bring my present, left it home. I never saw that present!

I guess maybe I'm not a jolly good fellow ;-)

I stopped celebrating birthdays after that and have cried all day on the birthdays through my forties.

I turned 50 this year and just went out to dinner with my family. No big deal. No more delusions.

Maybe this year I'll do something fun with people I love and plan it myself.

I say- You only have this one life and G-d loves you, try to love yourself and do something to make yourself happy.

Happy upcoming birthday!

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I think depression makes events like birthdays extra hard.

I had normal birthday parties as a child. As a teenager, my friends would take me to lunch. I had a Sweet 16. In my 20's I had various boyfriends, so I guess I celebrated. One year, I had a broken leg and my mom invited all my boyfriends over for a 'surprise' party (I pretended I wasn't in on it). It was hilarious!

I got married and was ready to give birth on my 30th birthday. Which was a really good thing for my peace of mind.

But after that my birtdays and all holidays became a nightmare. My husband was clueless about how to act and disappointed me constantly. The struggles between us or my mother or his parents left me hysterically crying nearly every holiday for the past 20 years!

My 40th was the worst. Even though I really had very few friends, and even less true friends at that, I wanted a party. I asked my husband to make me a surprise party because I felt stupid making my own party. He was clueless and wouldn't do anything. My mother refused to help him or even to come to a party with my friends. I cried non-stop for a month while planning my own party. I know it's stupid and vain. My so-called friends did me a favor by coming. We made a dinner party at a nice nightclub with surf and turf. One couple, doctors, said they forgot to bring my present, left it home. I never saw that present!

I guess maybe I'm not a jolly good fellow ;-)

I stopped celebrating birthdays after that and have cried all day on the birthdays through my forties.

I turned 50 this year and just went out to dinner with my family. No big deal. No more delusions.

Maybe this year I'll do something fun with people I love and plan it myself.

I say- You only have this one life and G-d loves you, try to love yourself and do something to make yourself happy.

Happy upcoming birthday!

I can relate to so much of this. I have cried on my birthday for years. No one ever remembers it besides my husband. I am always let down year after year. I would rather not have another birthday.

I am sorry you are going through this. I know how much it hurts. I hope your next birthday is a good one. Thank you for sharing your story!

[Chummy]

My birthday was two weeks ago. I didn't want to celebrate it. There were a few people on Facebook who wished me a happy birthday. There are less of them every year. My friend forgot my birthday. So did an aunt.
I also don't think it's something to celebrate because I'm such a failure. There is nothing to celebrate.

It doesn't give me suicidal thougths. At least not very strong ones. New Years Eve does do that. The last few years I spent those crying and

Possible trigger:

wanting to kill myself

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by Chummy

My birthday was two weeks ago. I didn't want to celebrate it. There were a few people on Facebook who wished me a happy birthday. There are less of them every year. My friend forgot my birthday. So did an aunt.
I also don't think it's something to celebrate because I'm such a failure. There is nothing to celebrate.

It doesn't give me suicidal thougths. At least not very strong ones. New Years Eve does do that. The last few years I spent those crying and

Possible trigger:

wanting to kill myself

I am sorry its a painful time for you as well. Why does new years bring on the suicidal thoughts for you?

[Chummy]

Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick

I am sorry its a painful time for you as well. Why does new years bring on the suicidal thoughts for you?

The thought of that a lot of people are celebrating with family and friends. Seeing all those stupid shows on tv, all about new years eve and all showing what a great time people are having with eachother.
My brother having fun with his friends, while I have nothing.
It all reminds me of how lonely I am and that I don't really have good friends. How bad my and lonely my life has been for the past 10 years. How I struggle with anxiety and depression.
What a horrible year it has been. And that the next year will also be horrible.
Especially feeling so lonely, being so lonely, is what hurts me. I know I'm not the only one who feels like this. But when you have a asshole brother who has friends and everything...It's just unfair how everything has come to this. And that even with the help of therapy I can't really get out of it.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by Chummy

The thought of that a lot of people are celebrating with family and friends. Seeing all those stupid shows on tv, all about new years eve and all showing what a great time people are having with eachother.
My brother having fun with his friends, while I have nothing.
It all reminds me of how lonely I am and that I don't really have good friends. How bad my and lonely my life has been for the past 10 years. How I struggle with anxiety and depression.
What a horrible year it has been. And that the next year will also be horrible.
Especially feeling so lonely, being so lonely, is what hurts me. I know I'm not the only one who feels like this. But when you have a asshole brother who has friends and everything...It's just unfair how everything has come to this. And that even with the help of therapy I can't really get out of it.

I agree that life is not fair and NO ONE should have to suffer. I wish I had words of comfort for you but just know that you are not alone and a lot of people struggle with life. I hope therapy can help you some day and you can be happy. You deserve to be happy.