Daily Check In, ups and downs #17

Oh, that sounds so good! I hope my brain will get more specific details about the food i try to get. I'm always either late or early with the foods almost out of grasp. And then I have to hurry because people are wrapping up, or trying to start. Getting that cake was a major situational development. Unfortunately it didn't taste as good as it looked but I didn't want to jinx my good luck lol.

Those sound like such interesting dreams I've been having lots of very vivid dreams lately, but once I wake up I always forget them.

Yes, maybe you could try dictating into a voice recorder, before you're too awake, that would be fun. I've had a dearth of dreams for awhile. I wish they'd come back. Even if they're bad, it's still someplace different i can go, while being house bound lol. But lately I have just been getting awake instantly with no memories.

I've heard that idea before, it could be helpful I used to keep a dream journal, but when I stopped trying to write them down I stopped remembering them very well. I remember that I used to have lots of recurring dreams, and it seems that it's been years since I've had a bad dream or nightmare.

Yes, me too. My nightmares all come in the tedious vein, i guess there's nothing scarier left, i don't know. I used to keep a dream diary too. Last year around this time I was having a recurring dream about swimming in the ocean. I loved those dreams! In the dream I didn't drown, i was a strong swimmer.

Dreams of the ocean have usually been bad dreams for me, but I have a phobia of open water. I used to have a recurring dream about being a dog when I was little It was fun to run around with all my other dog friends.

Oh that one sounds so fun! maybe my favorite dreams are flying dreams, where I just start floating up from the ground. I've had a few different types of them. Love those! I wish I'd have them again.

Actually I did have terrifying dreams when I was a kid. :/

I nearly scared myself away from this forum, but, whatever it implies about me, I wanted to post here:

I'm honestly proud of myself that I made it through today, dry-eyed and unharmed.

I've had flying dreams, but I always seem to be anchored somehow. Usually when I have them, that I remember, I'm flying/floating a few feet off the ground. I can't remember ever having one where I actually flew up in the sky.

I flew highest when I was little. As I got older, i couldn't get as high, or fly like Superman. I think some of my flying dreams were fantasy because of the Superman TV show, (which I loved to watch in reruns i guess) with George Reeves as Superman/Clark Kent.

But if they were only dreams they were still so much fun. I think some of these dreams were natural out of body experiences. Yours definitely sound like out of body dreams where you were actually flying, but you were kept tethered to not go too far, and to come back. I'm not sure if I remember being tethered. I wish I could remember my dreams now!

That makes sense. They were still fun dreams, I could move around fast without driving

Yes! ....

It was not a busy day at work. Very slow. The company I am working for is being bought out. I don't know what this means for me. The moral at my job is dropping. People are planning to leave. It's too bad for me because I have been there for ten years.

Also someone at work today had said something to me that I didn't want to hear. He suggested that I should watch comedy shows because it can ease my depression. He told me that I should "branch out" more in television watching. I don't care for TV that much. I felt like he was implying that he has it together more than I do. I don't like getting suggestions when I don't ask for it.

I took a bike ride today for the first time in eight days. Felt good doing it. While I was having the skin cancer surgery, my back tire went flat. So I had two dilemmas to deal with at the same time.

i thought i could make today a good day if i try, but nope

The side effects I was feeling have finally started to go away. I thought it would make things better, but I'm anxious and irritable and just feel like curling up in bed today. It's my last day of work today, and most of my stuff is scheduled at night, so I still have a lot to do. I just want to be done so I can go home and rest.

I'm so glad the side effects stopped. I hope you'll get some sleep.

Checking in:

I'm feeling more connected since I found this forum this week. I've been very active here and it's working. And it's making me feel a tiny bit hopeful for the first time in a long time.

Baby steps....

--Ceara1010

I don't know why people would go out of their way to hurt me? To get all nosey into my business as if they had nothing better to do?? Why???

Is their life that bad with all their money?? All their alleged "popularity" didn't suffice?? They need to ruin someone else's life?? They need to put others down to make themselves feel good? I don't understand this way of living. I never will....

feeling myself slipping lately. afraid of what i will do if i come out of my depression comatose so trying to stay there as it feels safer. summer and all its obligatory things. seeing family. taking trips. and now the inlaws want a family portrait so we will have to drive three hours to the city with all the beachgoers. it all seems so ridiculous but i will focus on the happiness of my husband and even my father in law if it gets me through it. between that and trying to deal with visiting/visits from my parents and my head is spinning. ugh. just having a really rough time lately and i am doing my best to keep my head above water for my kids. we may not be out having a blast for the long weekend but at least home is peaceful and they are happy.

Improved I'm not breaking down or crumbling today. Still, my world is a bit melancholy. It's a nice day out. I want to get out, I should get out, I need to get out. But I can't get out.

So, I've been here everyday since I joined earlier this week.

Did my first chat last night--depression--and it went okay. I feel a little bad because I upset someone a little bit when I tried to relate to him by saying we had a similar symptom in common. But I ended up being accused of trying to diagnose people by the group moderator. It wasn't a big deal, but I guess I'm feeling a bit sensitive because I haven't been social in a long time and I want things to go well as I try to connect to people.

I'll be doing another chat tonight, hopefully. I'm determined to commit to this community, long term.

More baby steps....

--Ceara1010

Not too busy today at work, but that was to be expected. It was kind of nice being that way, but the time dragged also. My friend had informed me that a man at our church just passed away today. I guess I saw that coming. He had been ill for quite a while. He had only been a casual acquaintance for me at the most. My friend is on the Memorial Committee at church and had asked me if I could be an usher for the Memorial service in a month from now. I would rather not do it.

Nothing much for tonight. I got a three day weekend coming up. Nothing planned for the three days, except to do my domestic stuff tomorrow.

I think I screwed something up at work and now I'm severely anxious about it. Seriously worried and don't know what to do. Sigh...I thought I was helping the issue too. See what my efforts get me.

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today's not a very good day. tbh honest the only thing i was looking forward to today was eating junk food but now my dad's not going to the store until tomorrow. we're having steak for dinner. i don't want steak, but i want a bunch of junk food. i make no sense.

my head is in a fog and i'm about to have my period.

I'll be spending the evening with my sister. We have been doing this every Saturday for a year or so now.

It's interesting because since we have been doing this, I'm actually getting to know her for the first time. Growing up, she always stayed in her room with the door shut and only came out for meals. Then, after we both moved out, she would never call me--I'd call her, but she never reciprocated. Because of this, I didn't call her often.

It's not stressful to spend time with her, though it's challenging as for every one word I speak, she speaks about 5000 words. The first year we got together, I just didn't even bother to try to have a real conversation with her because it was impossible. But lately I've been pushing to get my turn to talk. She's very smart and educated, so when we can actually have a conversation, I usually enjoy it.

--Ceara1010