Abandoned

Tonight I realized that for the last 8 years, I have really been alone. That hurt, and badly.

Alot of things happened tonight - sort of came to a head. Someone that I have known for the last 4 1/2 years has basically walked away from me. This guy is only 19 but we have been so close - he calls me "mom" and I have loved him as if he was my second son. When he was younger, his parents gave me guardianship over him when we went out of town and stuff - they know how much he means to me.

Wherever I have worked, he has come to work for me - 3 times so far. Sometimes the only time he had employment was when I hired him - he is talented and bright. He is working for me now but for the last several months he has been hanging out with other employees who are very bad influences on him - he stays out late with them, drinks, smokes pot, etc. Then he calls in sick. He has never called in on my shift because he wouldn't do that to me.

I got very upset with him over the weekend because he threatened to walk out Sat. night, regardless of the fact that he would be hurting me - he didn't care. I talked to him, found out he is mad at the other manager, and I got him settled down. After work he went out with his "friends". I called him Sunday morning to make sure he was awake and he said he was on his way - less than 10 mins. later he calls my cell and tells me he isn't coming in - he threw up. This has been his excuse for the last four times he has called in - within 2 weeks mind you.

I asked him how he could do this to me..........Sunday morning is a big day in the kitchen and I had no one. He didn't care and said he wasn't coming in. I was hurt. Now he seems that he doesn't want anything more to do with me, and has asked not to be scheduled with me. The less contact the better, he said to my boss.

Then my husband and I went to the grocery store tonight and got into an argument. He threatened me, called me every name he could think of and raised his hand to me - he was going to hit me..........all said on his part very loudly. I looked him in the face, told him to have a good time walking home and pushed my cart away with Alex in tow.

He didn't believe me, until I told him I'd call the police if he even tried getting in my car - my vehicle, not his......and how he threatened me in the store. Alex and I finished our shopping, I got in the car and left him there........quite aways from our house.

Seems he stopped in my work and tried to get someone to give him a ride - no one would (lol). It took him awhile, but he made it home. Then we fought some more.

I have no one in my life that I can count on anymore. That guy and I would talk about everything - he'd stay after work and wait so I'd be safe.........now I'm being "meddling and interfering." My husband is an ***** and doesn't really love me.

I'm getting older and the odds of being with someone who would really love me for me, is getting mighty slim. I've been so upset that my arm looks like it's been thru a shredder. I finally got ahold of my local doc (pill pusher) and started back on my Depakote.

I'm tired of being unloved and alone - something has to be wrong with me, somewhere.

Nothing wrong with you, girl. There's something wrong with that young man. Something definitely wrong with your husband. Nothing wrong with you.

I can relate to be unloved and alone. I've been that way all my life, but at least there was a reason: I'm a freak that my parents couldn't control.

There is nothing wrong with you. I never let being alone get to me because I built mental defenses to survive living with what messages I was getting. I had imaginary friends who would never hurt me. And now that defense network is down. And I see how worthless my life is.

I know what you're going thru.

Who needs people, anyway? After reading something like this, I should stay alone.

There is a thing more crippling than cerebral palsy: the prison of your own mind.

I am sorry, that must really hurt. I wish I could say something that would help ... {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mary Alice}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mary Alice}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

You take it very hard whenever anybody seems to be walking away from you. Life is full of comings and goings. Even when people are walking away, they are not necesarily abandoning you. Sometimes that is just the way that their path leads them at that time, and they will be back. Sometimes they need a bit of space. The young man who has worked with you is growing up, and he has to make his own choices. He may not make the best choices, but the decisions are his to make. You may be a reminder of the choices he has been making, and he may feel bad for letting you down. That is fairly normal for young adults trying out their wings.

I'm sorry that your husband is abusive. It's hard to get out of situations like that, but you can't really be with someone who really loves you as long as you are with him. I know the reasons you have told us why you can't leave, but there is always a way if you let people help you.

It isn't a replacement for real life friends, but trusting us here is a start that you can build on. Your friends here won't abandon you or reject you. You can find people like that in real life too if you will let them in.

Wendy

<font color=orange>"Never forget: 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2."</font color=orange>

Mary Alice,

Dear Heart, you don't have any control over these people in your life, or the way they behave. I know it feels like everyone is leaving you, and that hurts a lot. But you're not responsible for the way other people act, and it definitely doesn't make you a bad person, does it? Think about it sweetie, you're not forcing anyone to behave the way they are. The guy at work may be acting the way he is because of the influence of his "friends", or the pot or alcohol, but not because of you. Nothing you've done deserves the way your husband acted, that was just way over the top, but not your fault Mary Alice.

In the time I've known you, you've always been kind to other people, very supportive, very loving. I've never known you to go out of your way to be unkind to anyone. I wish you could see you as others see you. Please don't punish yourself for this, the fault lies with them, not with you.

Write me if you want to talk, OK?

Much love,
Greg



"Beauty is truth, truth is beauty - that is all you know on earth, and all you need to know"

I used to have those defenses too...until I started seeing my T several years ago. Now it feels like there is no covering large enough and the walls were harder to get up.

I give him credit, he brought the whole fortress up this time, and for good.

Once I regroup internally, I will stay alone too,except for my son.

(((((((hamstergirl))))))))))))))

{{{{{{{{{{Fuzzy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} always there with a hug, thank you. xoxox

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Wendy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Yes I take it hard. There were two people in 3D that I could really talk to - my T and this kid.......both are gone now. It took a long time to let them in, and they got very far within my heart.

As far as new friends in my life........I think I'll stick to my computer. xoxoxo

{{{{{{{{{Greg}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

It just seems like they leave me because I've been "bad" in some way - done something they don't like.

I may very well write to you, thanks. I need to do something before I feel much worse.

xoxo

I definitely know the feeling of being abandoned I hope things get better for you. One thing I find that sometimes helps is trying to have "lots" of friends, even if it is only in cyber-space, rather than relying a lot on one or two "special" friends who might end up abandoning you, or it might just feel that way .... but then "lots" could be only 5 or 6. Sorry, this is probably no help, which is why I usually stick to "hugs"

Take care,
Fuzzy

I'm so sorry Mary Alice - about all of it. I think you're great. I'm glad you left your husband at the store. I'm glad you're taking control.

We are ALL going to be a-ok!

I don't know what I'd do without those hugs, Fuzzy........

{{{{{{{{Fuzzy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{LMo}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I paid for it later, but for a few minutes it felt simply awesome.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mary Alice}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Take care,
Fuzzy xx

<marquee> (((((((((((((((((( hugs )))))))))))))))) </marquee>
<marquee> I love you with all my heart </marquee>
I'll start off with trying to get you to understand I love you..
I'm so sorry you had to go through that in front of Alex..
I truly am..

love to you..

<font color=purple>
take time to heal thyself before trying to help others, or you will never get better

((((((((((((((Mary Alice)))))))))))))

You are such a special caring person. I wish I knew you in 3D.....I know we would be great friends.....our boys would get along so well too.

I am thinking of you and hoping that you are doing ok.


Heather

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Trish}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Poor Alex, he always seems to be in the crossfire because my husband is a jerk and doesn't care that he is there and absorbing all this stuff.

I talk to him and try to make him understand why things are done, the reasons behind them..........but he is so quiet and never says a word.

He's very sensitive - whenever he sees me, he acts like it has been years, instead of hours. He does have a new hobby though - his new pets: hermit crabs. I'm learning alot about these little creatures - we have four now.


<font color=blue>To see the wonders of our world, look at it through the eyes of a child</font color=blue>

{{{{{{{{{{{Heather}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I wish we did too - it would be so great to have around someone that I care so much about, and Alex would have new friends.

I can move you know...........lol.



<font color=blue>To see the wonders of our world, look at it through the eyes of a child</font color=blue>

well giving him a hobby is most likely the best thing you could do right now..

and hermit crabs are a wonder to play with..

I can understand he is going inside of himself and not being very talkatve because he does not understand what is going on.. When mommie and daddie yell kids do not understand..
I know

<font color=purple>
take time to heal thyself before trying to help others, or you will never get better