why has God abandoned me

I have suffered with depression most of my life. I am angry at God for making me who I am. Because of who I am, I live with dread of constant loneliness every day. I push people away. I was in two loving relationships with good me, both at the wrong time. They both got married to others and are happy but I am the one who is now older, uglier and even lonelier. If I was a different person I probably would have married them and would have a family today. Now I am almost 40, haven't been in a relationship or had sex in years, and want nothing more than love in my life. Why is it that God doesn't answer my prayers? I thought I did the right thing listening to my heart by not marrying my last boyfriend because in my heart it didn't feel right. I believed my true love was out there. Now I am convinced that true love doesn't exist for me and I should have just married him as he is a good man and I would not be so lonely today. I would not be afraid that I will never have kids as I am now older. I would be cute like I was in my 20s versus now being an older woman in a world where no available men who are decent exist for me. They are either married or not good people or don't want me because I am older and have never been married. I feel so empty and feel that God let me down. For 10 years I have prayed to him to bring love to my life. Both my exes found love within a year after our breakup. 10 years later and I am still as alone as ever. Part of me is mad and bitter for many reasons. I have tried meds, support groups and online dating. I have had zero luck in the romance dept. Why has God abandoned me? I feel empty inside and totally dead spiritually. I don't know how to reconnect to my spiritual side because I feel so let down. I don't know what to believe any more when my prayers seem to be ignored. I am a good person but I feel I am being punished. The one thing in my life that I desperately want, love, is the one thing that avoids me. It's like a sick game. So I stopped praying as I thought the more I ask for it the less chance I have of it happening as it hasn't yet, so why bother praying to a God who ignores your pain, your heart's desire and your desperate prayers. The thought of living the rest of my life alone and dying alone does not make me want to continue. I had always wanted my parents to see me get married and have kids and now I'm afraid it will never happen. Why is it so hard for me to meet the right man when so many of those around me do? I try to live my life by the rules. I don't have affairs with married men, but I have friends who have and are now married to them and happy. What is so wrong with me that love eludes me? I don't like myself because it is me who is the reason I am alone. If i was different I would have married my ex or would have found someone by now who loves me for who I am. I just feel like a lonely bitter woman who God has overlooked. I don't know what to do anymore but can't continue feeling the way I do every day for the rest of my life. People aren't meant to be alone. Some people are fine with it. I'm not. My heart so desperately wants to love someone and be loved back. That's it. Why is that so hard for me? The older I get the more lost I feel. I live with regret every day. At the time I thought I was following my heart, and now I feel my heart deceived me. I am nowhere near happier now than before. I am more lonely, more empty, more soul less.

true love exists in your very own heart........

hon God didn't do this to you. maybe re-examin your life. See what it is you could have done differently. we all have regrets or whatif's in our lives. God answers prayers in His time. you will see one day when that right love comes to you. please don't be angry at Him. Turn to Him instead.

Hi Lostandlonely...

Welcome to PC....

Who told you 40 was old? I have found that particular age to be the most attractive for either sex in so many ways...Some experience,,some mellowing,,more understanding but yet full of hope, opportunity and anticipation...And like the old commercial once said.."we will sell no wine before its time"...

You have waited...and lived,,and yes lost some,,,but what is around the corner can be so wonderfully exciting...

I am a bit older than you and I have found a little secret...not a big one like the book,,but one that in these later years has served me well...

If you love without expectation,,the love that is given back to you is in kind and generally more than you could imagine...

Go out there and love,,give of yourself,,listen to people,,give them a hand with their loads...and do it because you need to..

The the love that will catch up to you will surprise you with it's kindness and compassion beyond your dreams...

Of this I am certain...

Lenny

God never abandons anyone. He always hears your prayers. However, from reading this, it seems you seem to be looking for the wrong kind of love. You seem to be looking for sex or romantic love, which always eventually will fail you. It is empty, and always makes you hunger for more and more, the more you have. This may be why God has chosen to keep you away from it. I know this from experience.
True love is a deep connection, a bonding between two people in God. It is not for our own self-enjoyment or entertainment, or anything like that. Be there for the other, and they will be there for you in the love of God.
But instead of searching for love by going on matchmaking websites, try just making friends in real life. Don't say, "Let's be together" the moment you meet them. Spend time with all different kinds of people, and don't expect to or try to make any long-term commitments until you both know for sure that the other is the "right one."
God is not a wish-maker. He even says that life will be tough most of the time, but those who stay with Him until the end will have eternal life in happiness.
I hope this helps ^_^

God doesn't abandone us, ever. It is US who move away from Him or keep Him at arms length. Just believing that He's out there in the big somewhere doesn't get it, either. You need to get to know Him on a personal level, get to know who He really is and what His will is for your life.

Too many people have a misconceived perception of Him; what WE think He should be, what to US would be perfection.

God didn't create us for suffering but instead, to live a full, abundant life. However, being in this life will always bring sickness, pain and difficulties. Yet, none of them are beyond what God wills for you or beyond what we can handle if we know what His will is for us. But we need to know Him in order to have faith that He will help us through whatever obstacles we come up on.

I've learned the above the hard way. There was a time I was angry at God, too, but it didn't do me any good until I accepted His will for me.

God bless you in your search to get to know Him better.

(((lostandlonely))) God hasn't abandoned you, hon, but it does seem that you aren't able to hear Him right now.

Your depression is quite evident in your post, complete with false conclusions and negative thinking.
Comparing yourself to anyone else, or any other situation will always get you into mental health trouble, imo.

Please seek couseling. Talking with a psychologist who understands the spiritual needs of a person will also help you realize that it isn't God you are angry with, really. (But in the meantime, you can be angry at Him, He can handle it. It isn't in your own best interest though, as you are shutting out one Power Who can truly help you.)

Life happens. It takes work to get through it happily.

In everything you do, do it for the glory of God.

AMEN! Good works, a clean life, etc., mean nothing, will not get you any rewards, if it's not done for the glory of God!

Let the bitterness go, or it will eat you alive.

God, is a big guy, and can handle our being mad at Him.

It sounds like you made a good decision in ending your last relationship. It's when you ignore your intuition that you will wind up with a bad relationship.

God hasn't promised to send us all husbands.

It sounds like you need to adjust your thinking on some things.

EJ

((((((((lostandlonely))))))) I just wanted to say that I am sorry to hear that you are feeling so badly. Living with depression isn't an easy thing most of the time. The depression has a way of telling us lies and having us feel like everything and everyone is against us. When we give in to this type of thinking it is very hard to pull out from under it. We fall into this viscious cycle of self-pity and self-hatred. Then we come to where we can no longer stand living with ourselves. This is when we start to lash out others and blame our problems and let downs on them. And we do this because it is easier to put our problems on them than it is to face ourselves. The longer we continue to do this, the harder it becomes to accept that we are responsible for our lives and our situations. It is upto us to make the necessary changes. Upto us to take action and be responsible of where our lives are going.

Until we are able to do this for ourselves, we aren't able to properly hear what it is God is trying to tell us. If we are continually finding ourselves back at square one in any situation it is usually because we haven't learned the lessons needed or simply just aren't ready. We have to remember that we aren't helpless. Anything is possible with God. But we have to be willing to do some work ourselves as well.

I know we can't hear tone on the computer screen. So please don't take this offensively. I sincerely do not intend it to be taken that way. I am trying to lend a hand and offer some advice from my own personal experience. I wish you the best in all you do.

recluse1

((((lostandlonely))))))))))))))))))))))))))
God never leaves anyone
God loves you
It could be the depression talking to you
I think from my experiance with my dad and depression
I watched him push me away
Maybe he was afraid if someone cared
he would know he was worth it........
hope this made sense
tell it you matter
You are worth love
GOd knows that.........
muffy

as the others have said God has not abandoned you, he has answered you but not the way you want, we being human want things our way when the time comes you will find the right person, seek counciling for your depression and maybe find a nice Church singles club
May God Bless
Angie

Hi lostandlonely,

I am sorry to read of the hard things you've been experiencing. I, too, am in my 40s and single. I had hoped to get married, but at this point, I think it's more likely that God has a life of singleness ahead for me. I struggled with it for awhile but I've come to accept it, and now I focus on building other kinds of friendships. If God sends someone special into my life to marry later, that will be a special gift, and if not, I want to enjoy my life as it is. I don't want to look backwards and think I spent my whole life waiting for something that never came. So I'm enjoying my life as a single person.

I have a plaque on my wall with the quote, "Bidden or unbidden, God is present." It is a quote from psychologist, Carl Jung, of all people. But it reminds me that God is always with me, whether I ask God to be here or not....whether I can feel God at that moment or not.....whether God *seems* to be here right now or not. Whether I am praying formally and trying to communicate with God right at the moment, or not, God is there. And whether the evidence suggests it or not, God is there, too. Your life may not be going the way you wish it were going right now, but God is still there with you and cares very much about you.

As others have suggested, sometimes it seems like there is distance with God when we feel upset with God. It can help to talk with God about those upset feelings. God can listen to any upset feelings we have, including mad or angry feelings. It's okay to talk about those things with God. Praying or journaling about these things can sometimes help a lot.

Even though things are rough, I bet there are also some positive things happening for you. Looking for some of those good things each day helps me, and remembering that - even in the hard times - there are things for which to feel grateful, whether it is a beautiful sunset, a pretty flower in the garden, enjoying a walk in the morning....a visit with a friend...a good meal...whatever has been best during the day.

And even if you haven't found "Mr. Right," it helps to make good friendships with others. That's been a big help to me. As others have said, you might find a church group you enjoy, whether it is a singles group, or a Bible study, or a women's fellowship group....or if that's not your cup of tea, sometimes volunteering can be a good way to make some new friendships and also fight depression at the same time. Find some cause that matters to you. Maybe you like animals, and can volunteer at an animal shelter; or if you like the environment, help with trail-upkeep days at a local park, for instance. There is a volunteer opportunity for anyone who wants to become involved.

Best wishes to you. Take good care of yourself, and my thoughts and prayers will be with you.

Take care,
ErinBear

From what I've found is that as long as I am angry or upset, or struggling to figure things out, God will "sit" and watch and wait. It's only when I give up and give it to Him that he acts. I think He allows me freewill to try and do it on my own, or understand on my own, or just react on my own. Once I put it into His hands, then He responds in my best interest.

As everyone has said, God doesn't abandon us.

I'm wondering how much of your time you spend thinking about how lonely you are. My first assumption is that you think about it a lot. And going with this assumption, that is probably where the problem begins.

A lot of things turn people off. Negativity being one of them. I think getting into therapy, if you're not already, would be a perfect start. Stop focusing on your loneliness. Therapy can help you do this. Others will eventually see your positivity and change...and this positivity will make you seem a hundred percent more attractive.

Try to hang in there.

You remind me of the reverse of myself. I got married when I was too young and not ready, when I didn't feel right about it, but wasn't able to trust my own feelings. I prayed about whether I should marry him, and the answer I got felt like "you are going to." It didn't feel like it was particularly right or wrong, just the way it was.

Now I am approaching 40, and I'm not happy with where I am in life. I missed out on a lot of development and growth because I was depressed and felt trapped. And I can't just leave - I have kids and responsibilities. It's not because my husband is a bad person, but that I wasn't ready and this wasn't what I needed, or not the right timing.

Maybe God hasn't abandoned you, and maybe He has reasons that we don't understand for placing you in the situation that you are in now. Maybe if you had married one of those men, you would be feeling trapped and depressed. Maybe if I hadn't gotten married I would be lonely and feeling rejected and punished like you are.

God doesn't abandon us. He doesn't always give us the things that we ask for when we want them, or even ever, and that can be for many reasons. But God still loves you and wants to bless you. He is there, even if you have moved away from him (not praying, becoming bitter, ...)

Maybe you could try praying to know that God still loves you, and to get in touch with your own heart and be able to follow it now. I hope that you do find love. I would have to give you better odds on that than I could give myself, as you are in a position to grab on if and when you find someone. If you didn't feel either of the men you dated were right for you, maybe they weren't right for you, and you were blessed to avoid being stuck in a relationship that isn't a good fit for you.

I hope that you find the answers and the hope that you are looking for!


Rap

about 40 and love?

i found it older than you.

i may find it again.

see Dawn, i have no doubt it is out there, and something wonderful happens when certain people meet who know their meeting will continue, day in and day out, till the tires fall off.

there are some things that can get in the way though ... like unrealistic expectations, we can take that one apart and really look at it close up - if you want - because men do that to, and part of the rationale about it is that someone better will come along (commit already).

there are other reasons too ... who are you attracting to?
what do you need in a partner?

a wise person told me once that when both of you have 'rights and wrongs' that line up - together, the same - then beautiful, you can make a life together.

i look at it like this, the older we get, the less pickin' there is, for sure. but every now and again, a prince is around, looking to treat you like a queen ... that's the one we have to check out - and if it develops into something real and significant, and he offers you his heart, and his name, you might want to take it.

there are many guys out here who do not care for marriage, or re-marriage as the case may be, and you know what, why should we suffer for someone elses' mistake?

you will meet a man, who will treat you like a queen, and that is how you will know him, by his actions.

only you can make the connection. you have to respond.
it will happen. and in this day and age, the older is the wiser, and as others have attested to here - the better!

we get better with age Dear Dawn. In so many things, in every department.
it's a pleasant surprise, a secret, if you will, and a perfect time to find the right guy for you!

peace and love,
nightbird <font color="pink"> </font>

i havent read this whole thread lostandlonely, several of the ansers tell it like it is imho... when i initially responded 'true love exists in your very own heart', i am referring to that feeling you have inside, the perfect love you have for someone, something...

in my mind and heart ive developed such a love, so perfect, and true and pure in every way i can imagine... my soul yearns to give it away..

but it is in the act of giving it to others that the purity of my feelings then becomes mixed with fear and other emotions.. but as long as it stays within my own being, it remains pure...

i wonder how to transplant it without those feelings i have becoming less than true and whole...

ive found that only one recipient is capable of accepting that emotion and returning it without dilution.. that spirit is the God being in my mind...

only Spirit can give me a 100% return on my emotions.. only Spirit can take the contaminating factors and make my love whole again with 100% accuracy...

when giving the emotion to other people i find that they come to the table with their own individual set of fears.. in most cases, the relationship begins off on good course, but over time, minor obstacles, if not tended carefully, fester, and the pure true love i began with begins to deteriorate..

communication is very key at this time.. working thru differences and finding embraceable compromise...

but when a true pure love can be given to Spirit, it yields a perfect return on my investment.. i dnt always receive what i ask of Spirit... often i am led to a new lesson, but Spirits love is as pure as the driven snow in winter, and the most rewarding of all relationships i have ever known...

thanks to all who posted here.. very good insights..

when sometimes we are lost,we feel abadoned , but we are not,we are just in a dark place,and need the light of love...

sometimes then, of course, we cannot see the love that surrounds us, until someones love finds the light switch for us, or we have to charge the batteries of our torch.................

a metaphor is just another kind of torch light!

with love
alevin

Hi,
my name is Manzanita...just joined yesterday and cannot figure out to post...so I am replying to yours. Hopefully this will be my 1st post.

I too feel very much abandoned by God, all people, and the universe.
Where do we turn to when we see no hope. Tried therapy...but therapist became friend in exchange for me letting her commit insurance fraud. ( Now being investigated by Dept. of Health)

Like you I am abandoned: Lost husband lost son. 2 disastersb to my house in hurricanes, lost job. lost family, lost friends, lost therapist.
I apologize for talking about myself in respose to your thread, but do not know how to start my own.

I too feel abandoned by God and everyone. How can we be helped? <font color="purple"> </font>

Manzanita, did you read any of the responses to the original poster? Your answer is there many times over.

You've certainly gone through some pretty rough times but God is still there. He's still ready to help you through your bad times. All you have to do is reach out to Him. He never promised that this life would be a bed of roses but He can and will comfort you through your pain and bring you through to the other side.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
TaintedGoth1 said:
As everyone has said, God doesn't abandon us.

I'm wondering how much of your time you spend thinking about how lonely you are. My first assumption is that you think about it a lot. And going with this assumption, that is probably where the problem begins.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

So right on! We dwell on our problems so much sometimes, that we just perpetuate them.

When you are at the "top" of a forum, where the list of posts is, there is a New Post button on the top right. Use that to create a new one.