Sick of it all

I feel like all my posts are so similar, but I guess I can't help the way I feel. Anyway I've been having a hard time lately having lost my job not long ago and feeling too suspicious about my "friends." The reason I say friends that way is because I really feel like I have almost none now. In particular there's a group of people I hang with on Friday nights every week. Now originally this group started because I knew a couple of these guys played a card game called yugioh that I also played and I wanted more people to play with. The one guy liked it so much he made it a weekly thing at his house. So we've been doing this now for almost a year and a half and many more people have joined the group and it has become a bigger thing (it started with 4 of us btw, myself included). Since then some of the members have stopped playing yugioh and instead of a game night it has become more of just a hangout night with some of us still playing the game which is fine. I do still have fun, but what I've noticed is that the other 3 original members of this group have become practically inseparable. Two of them were close friends before, but the one just became part of their little separate group. They seem to exclude me from nearly everything now. Little things and hangouts don't bother me, but I heard them talking about going to a convention pretty close to our area called AnimeNext soon. This might not seem like a big deal, but anime has been a part of my life for literally almost 20 years. I'm currently 24 and have been watching anime ever since I saw dragonball z as a little kid. It may sound dumb, but I honestly think it's shaped me as a person. That being said they know I'm a huge anime fan and I've probably watched more than the 3 of them combined and they didn't even tell me about it. For crying out loud look at my user name! Lelouch is one of my favorite characters from one of my favorite animes called Code Geass. What am I supposed to do, invite myself? That's absurd. I've never been to an anime convention before, but have wanted to for a while. I just didn't really have anyone to go with before. Idk if they don't realize how much little things like this over time hurt people or if they really just don't care about me at all, but I'm sick of feeling left out all the time. Really not sure if this is just a rant or if I'm trying to find someone to relate to, but this has been bothering me for a while and since hearing about being left out of something larger I just don't know what to think about these people anymore.

Hello lelouch1205: Interpersonal relationships can be such a challenge! One just never knows what's in the backs of people's minds... assuming they're thinking at all... Sometimes one has to wonder! I presume you must feel you can't simply ask one of these individuals why it is you've been left out.

Personally, I just keep to myself at this point in my life. It's just easier. But then, I'm older & I've reached a point in my life where I just prefer to have it that way.

Exactly. Asking someone why you were left out of something or butting in while they're talking about something you're being left out of is just a strange feeling. Sometimes people get defensive when you do that as well and the best thing at that point is just to play it off like you were joking, but then you feel horrible inside. I'm not a fan of confrontation unless it's necessary, but constantly feeling like people are forgetting you just really sucks. I hate having nothing to do and I like interacting with people I enjoy being around, but when I really don't like feeling like these people are only talking to me because I'm there. I also just feel like I go out of my way far more often than most of my so called friends to talk to them. There's plenty I'd like to do as well, but it's gotten to a point where when I'm thinking about who I'd like to invite to do something I can barely come up with anyone who I think would do the same for me so I've been going out less lately. I just wish I had friends who cared the same for me as I do for them.

Hi lelouch,

I'm sorry you're feeling uncomfortable with these people. It's really hard to feel like you don't really fit in. I'm a bit like that, I often feel people only talk to me because I'm around.

I think many people feel like that and often people do only talk to others because they're in the same group.

I try not to let feeling the odd one out stop me from doing something fun or that I'm into. Eventually I have found a good friend who we support each other on equal terms, beyond that I try to make the most of the company of acquaintances but try not to worry that it's usually no more than that.

Many people are thoughtless more than vindictive. They are so wrapped up in themselves and their own insecurities they don't think how their behaviour affects others.

I hope you can keep doing the things you enjoy, at least it gets you out of the house which gives more opportunity to meet someone you will relate to more easily.

Good luck, you have shown yourself to be a strong person. Be kind to yourself.

That's how I feel too. I always feel like people just talk to me anymore cause I'm there. I find I'm almost always the one contacting people first and very seldom do people invite me to big events or to do anything really. I get left out of nearly everything and I'm not going to invite myself at that point. Even just more recently I asked a friend of mine if she was still going to comic con in Philly and if I could still come and she said if I want to, but I have to go separate cause there isn't enough room in her car. Like why would that make me want to go? Obviously I'm not wanted, so why bother. If someone wants you there they'll make it known and make it work. Going with someone and just meeting someone are very different to me. I don't think I can consider most of these people friends at all anymore. Friendly acquaintances and hang out buddies maybe, but that's it. Luckily I have a couple real friends who have stuck with me for a really long time. Guess that's all I really have. Oh well. And I agree that people are more thoughtless than actually intending to do harm, but the harm is still done. People need to think more about how their actions and words affect others. I don't think this group of mine even realizes how much they've pushed me away. Anyway thank you for your reply. I just had to let a little more out. This kind of stuff just keeps happening and I'm really trying right now to control my anger and depression more than I used to, but life right now is really making it difficult.

Lelouch, I know this feeling exactly. I've had many so called friends who throw parties and have get togethers and 'forget' to invite me. I don't know if it's thoughtlessness or of they just don't really like me. Either way it's hurtful. If they don't want to be my friend anymore, they should just stop hanging out with me all together than just excluding me for certain things.

I know how you feel though. I don't know why people do it. I did find out that those friends who were doing that to me were just using me anyhow, but that hurt even more.

I think having a few close friends is better than having multiple false friends any day.

Seesaw

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Honestly, I can get along with many people. Yet I consider that I don't actually have friends. Because I've always had a great chameleon personality, I take traits from people around me to adapt. This is exhausting so unless it's necessary, I tend to be a hermit.

I like to see people happy, laughing, having fun but I'm using a facade for their sake. So being alone allows me to be selfish, serious, and indulge in my otaku ways.

As I'm getting older I'm learning to appreciate the value of being alone without feeling abandoned/lonely/etc.

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SeptembersRain, I don't have any real friends, just isolate myself all the time. I used to be ok with being alone, but now I feel lonely and insignificant. That's great that you're ok with being alone!

This takes a long time to really appreciate. You have to find hobbies, sources of entertainment, and you have to be able to deal with the sometimes uncomfortable voice in your head telling you negative things. Also, no one is completely and entirely alone. Like right now, we're chatting on this forum right? =)

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I'm sorry to hear that. I hate people who use others. I agree that having less friends that are close rather than a ton of distant friends is better. Sometimes I'm bad in settings with a lot of people because I get bad anxiety, but other times I'm ok. I just wish people would realize how much even small actions hurt others. You might not be punching me in the face or stealing from me, but forgetting about me still hurts.

That's a different way of looking at it. It's good that you appreciate the value of being alone, but it is nice to be around people sometimes too. Even though I have "friends" that aren't so great I definitely have friends that have helped me through really rough times and genuinely been great to me. Those are the people that you want in your life. I do wish I could be ok with being alone sometimes, but it really just makes me feel terrible if I'm alone for too long.