[Basspro85]

So the past while I was feeling pretty good. Like things could get easier and I'll be back to work (as I'm on disability leave) and that I'll be able to get over my ex who left over a month ago. But the last two days just have gone south. My thoughts are clouded again with thoughts of my ex and missing her. Then to thoughts of just feeling useless and alone. I spent today mostly sleeping the day away not knowing what to do with myself and just feeling alone. I know I'm not alone but I just have this empty alone feeling that just hurts me. My life just seems like it's going nowhere and I'm just going to be alone by myself. I miss having a purpose and something to do with my time. For two years it was work then seeing my ex and her kids. Now that that's gone I'm spending more time alone during the week with times hanging out with a few friends maybe on the weekend. And I'm trying to spend more time with my family too. I know my story isn't as important or severe than some on the forums but I just feel so down. It's like once you find a good moment it gets ruined again by my thoughts. It's just disheartening and just plain ole sucks I just wish I could be content with life again.

Any ideas on what I can do? Or if anyone else feels like this sometimes?

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[Skeezyks]

Hello Basspro85: You've been going through a tough time. Being out of work on disability can do a number on your self-respect. Before I aged into my retirement years, I was unemployed for quite a few years as a result of a combination of both mental health & physical problems. So I have some sense of what this can be like. And then having someone you care about leave just adds to the pain.

One thing I did for a while was to do some volunteer work. That helped. I don't know if your disability status would allow you to do this. But if you could it might really help. A person can feel very proud of the service they provide as a volunteer. Beyond that, some individual counseling or therapy may be helpful, if you're not already in therapy. From what you wrote, it sounds as though you have quite a few things going on. Continuing to have all of this simple rumbling around in your thoughts is only likely to make them seem more formidable. Talking through them, & figuring out what to do about them, may help you to resolve them & let them go.

[Basspro85]

Being out of work right now is tough. But I don't want to go back and feel the way I do up and down and unsure of myself. I want to go back when I am 100% as I've tried twice and failed before.

As for volunteering I was suggested this by my family doctor and have thought about it myself. Not sure how it would affect my disability right now either. It's just getting myself up and going is the issue.

As for therapy I'm in pyschotherapy currently every two weeks. More talk therapy. And it does help to vent my frustrations. As for my ex and these thoughts it seems as though I put it on myself as I still talk to her here and there and have been putting effort in to see the kids cause I miss them and they are important. Is it wrong of me to continue to want to be in their lives and make plans to see them? Am I just digging myself a bigger hole? It just sucks cause it's not an obsession over them or her I know I don't need them but I want them and want to be around them. My heart just wants what it wants if you can understand that.

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Basspro, I'm guessing Disability Assistance in Ontario is similar to that here in Saskatchewan. I am allowed to volunteer with no issues. In fact, I am encouraged to do so as the thought is it will eventually lead to being able to be gainfully employed. Remember, it is NOT the government that decides your eligibility for disability (in Canada) but your doctor.

I have gotten a great deal out of my volunteer work emotionally as it has given me the sense that I am contributing again as well as improving my confidence.

The Canadian Mental Health Association branches each have vocational coordinators that can help you figure out what you might want to do and how big of a commitment you are prepared for. Then they will match you up with an appropriate place.

[Basspro85]

I'll take a look at volunteering but I'm not sure about it just yet.

It sucks that today that my mind won't let me get away from those damn thoughts about my ex. It's so frustrating. It's so nice out and all I can think of is what I would have been doing with her and the kids if things didn't go the way it did with us. Am I just being stupid or obsessing over unrealistic things? Friends and my therapist keep telling me to stop talking to her but every so often I sill msg her or make plans with the kids to do something. Why can't I just let go? This is stupid. I feel stupid. There's so much more out there and I'm stuck on these thoughts. I just feel ridiculous.

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