barely even sad

<font color="#000088">

what i feel right barely registers as emotion

in fact about all i do feel is the sting on my stomach where i scratched myself

i'd like to cry right now - but there are no tears

i've been dealing with depression since childhood...i always think it can't get worse than this...somehow it always does

trying to decide whether or not to go to my medical doc tomorrow and show my SI

i have two choices. i can get up and go to work or i can get up and go to the doctor.

if i go to work, i'll mutter through thursday and friday...but next week my boss returns. i'm becoming increasingly afraid of her - not just because she's argumentative and basically unpleasant; but because she's beginning to symbolize this 'breakdown' i'm having. if she hadn't done the things she's done, i wouldn't have gotten so stressed to the point of seeking counseling. seeking counseling has brought up pain ....i'm afraid pain worse than i realize

if i go to the doctor....i'm afraid i may be forced to face the pain...

maybe i'll spontaneously combust before morning....

</font>

(((((gostryter)))))
I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. Please take good care of yourself.
Trying

Im here for ya.

(((((((((((((((((( gostryter )))))))))))))))))

I'm also working with someone who could drag down the most uplifting person. Not fun. Remember though it is your boss who has a problem not you.

Please take good care of yourself!

I had been going fine and was able to suppress my depression for a while, at my job where I was doing floor maintenance.

Our boss quit or was fired for some reason, and when the new one came in I knew from the beginning that it wasn't going to work out, but I kept pushing myself. He just had no respect for us, and was always belittling. He never listened, and was so extremely arrogant...

I tried to work things out, but I wish now I had just left, as once I finally did my depression became finally manageable again. Doesn't mean that will work for you though Its just my experience, get help as soon as possible if you can, as things can get to the point where you can get pulled in, and cant reach out for help...

For me, it took a severe episode of panic and paralysis, and then when I became suicidal, I finally realized it was not worth, or possible, to stay where I was at.

My problems are no better now, and I doubt it will be possible to fix them but there are so many things that can make them worse, I unfortunately only pull myself away when its almost too late.